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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask our nanny to also be a housekeeper?

127 replies

Soon2BeMumof3 · 25/11/2019 23:33

We have a wonderful part time nanny who we are desperate to keep.

I have gone on maternity leave and will be home until July. We don't need a nanny doing full days at the moment.

We would however like someone to do some basic housekeeping once a week- laundry, change and wash sheets (my most hated task- very unmumsnet of me I know!), organising the children's clothes and linen cupboard etc. Our nanny is a really tidy and organised person (I am not!). I'm sure she would be great, and we already trust her.

She is a trained childcare professional with a lot of experience. Would I be insulting her to ask if she would like to also have a housekeeping role with us?

Would obviously pay her properly and not expect her to mind children while housekeeping and vice versa.

OP posts:
coconuttelegraph · 26/11/2019 07:41

I would be mortified if I'd built a reputation as a professional working with children and was asked to change the beds

Why? I can't see why someone asking you to do something would embarass you, you haven't done anything, you aren't responsible for your employer? If anyone is to be embarassed in this situation surely it's the employer.

Ohyesiam · 26/11/2019 07:43

You can't just change her role because your on maternity leave.

You can, it might really suit her.
My sister did exactly this. It turned out her very experienced really good nanny really appreciated a day or two a week with less responsibility for a few months.

Ask her op, it might suit her well.

Congratulations an your pregnancy/ baby Flowers

PrimeraVez · 26/11/2019 07:46

We're in a similar-ish situation. We currently have a full time nanny but once DC2 starts nursery in January, only need someone to be there in the afternoons when both DC1 and DC2 get home.

I don't want to lose her completely as she's wonderful with the kids, but equally, I can't afford to pay her to sit on the couch and twiddle her thumbs all morning. It's not really an option for her to work part time hours, as we aren't in the UK and there are complicated visa issues at play.

I think it's best to be upfront - 'I'm thinking of hiring a housekeeper but wanted to see if this was something that you'd be interested in before I advertise. You know how everything works here, but please don't feel obliged to say yes.'

Then I think you just need to have very clear boundaries about what you expect her to do, and when eg on Monday mornings, I will take the DC out to a play group. I'd like you to use this time to change the kids' beds etc.

Drizzzle · 26/11/2019 07:47

Nothing wrong with being a cleaner.

MerryDeath · 26/11/2019 07:47

just ask her. pay her the same, or more ideally! she can always say no.

Straycatstrut · 26/11/2019 07:51

I wouldn’t say SAHM is a “job” because those of us working have to do a lot of that stuff around work! It’s life work.

That's like saying childminders don't work. It's the same "work" whether I'm looking after my demanding toddler, or a nanny is. If I was looking after someone elses toddler would that suddenly be "proper work?"

Some would say it's harder to look after your own. A lot more emotion and worry connected to it.

So many people admit they go to work because they can't handle it, or to get a break, and pay people to look after their kids for their sanity.

NewName73 · 26/11/2019 08:00

It's perfectly fine to ask this as long as you ask it in the right way - I know a few people who have done this and it's worked well for everyone.

You can only ask!

bigbluebus · 26/11/2019 08:01

When i was on maternity leave with DC2, i similarly had a nanny 2 days a week. She looked after DC1 as before and sometimes DC2. She continued her normal duties which included DCs laundry and meals but not other household tasks. I got to spend more time with DC1 if we all went out somewhere together. You still have 5 days to spend time with your other DCs so i don't see why the nanny can't continue with her normal duties.

If she is looking for extra hours/work you could float the idea of a separate paid role for her doing some general housework but i would not consider this to be part of her nannying role.

crazychemist · 26/11/2019 08:04

Will her pay be the same? You’d need to pay her as much. I think she’ll have a relationship with the kids presumably, so I think you’d still need to offer that

NewName73 · 26/11/2019 08:07

Your nanny presumably knows you are pregnant.

She will be wondering if she is going to lose her job when you go on maternity leave.

I would clear it up straight away - tell her you want to stay on, but as you will be at home as well, would she be happy to do some other household chores (not cleaning) as well?

People seem to have very fixed ideas about what jobs entail. My cleaner changes the beds and does the ironing. But I have had a nanny who would be happy to do this too.

My old nanny was brilliant and would do things like organise the linen cupboard, cook for the freezer, without even being asked.

Also, don't underestimate how useful it will be to have an extra pair of hands around to help with your children when you have a newborn and other kids too. Even so you can get a couple of hours' kip when the baby is born.

user5656 · 26/11/2019 08:10

Just ask her politely. I'm sure she understands that people's situations and needs evolve.

Ragwort · 26/11/2019 08:17

Why do seemingly intelligent women have children with men who can’t be arsed to do a bit of housework or home admin Hmm. What are the benefits of your DH that they outweigh the normal give and take of running a home? I assume he must earn a huge salary or be in good in bed? Hmm Or is he a famous footballer and you like the kudos of being a WAG?

Katrinawaves · 26/11/2019 08:20

Some of the responses on this thread are odd!

Being a nanny/housekeeper is a recognised role. Most of the nanny agencies offer this as a role in its own right. It’s not insulting or demeaning or any of the other words which have been used in this thread but it is a different role to the one which you originally offered her and which she accepted.

On that basis you can’t demand she add these duties to her role but you can certainly offer her the alternative role in a temporary basis and explain your reasons why. And if one of those reasons is finding a way to offer her additional hours whilst you are off on mat leave because you’d like her to stay on as your nanny when you go back to work, that’s actually a very complimentary reason not an insulting one.

The only thing I’d counsel on is that you may get used to her doing the housekeeping role and it wouldn’t be fair to expect her to continue to do all these tasks when you go back to work for no extra pay and you should probably be completely explicit with her that this won’t be the case.

billy1966 · 26/11/2019 08:21

OP, I would frame it that whilst you don't have extra hours re the children because you are on ML, you are looking for extra support in this other area and would she be interested as she is so strong in that area and you are not.

I can't see why, if you pay her well, she likes you as an employer, why she would not be pleased to be more involved with ye as a family.

ChristmasbloodyChristmas · 26/11/2019 08:35

You say you're going on maternity leave, so I'm assuming you usually work? How would you feel about being asked to be a housekeeper regardless of your role? Nannies are no more housekeepers than accountants or lawyers are. Do not insult her.

motherogod · 26/11/2019 08:37

For everyone saying it would be insulting - part of training to be a nanny is keeping children's spaces orderly, it sounds like that's what the OP wants. It really isn't such a terrible thing to ask

swlondonnanny · 26/11/2019 08:37

Hmm, who is changing your bed now? You?
But you don't like doing it so why not pass it onto nanny? As you are home now?
Cleaning lady is not happy to do it but nanny should? Just to keep her job? And be still available when you go back to work in summer?

Tinkobell · 26/11/2019 08:37

Does organising the kids clothes really take up that much time / to the extent that it needs a hired help? Sorry but organising kids clothes all day sounds head bangingly boring. Can you make the job spec more appealing? 🙄

ChristmasbloodyChristmas · 26/11/2019 08:41

There must be people in your area who advertise as cleaners and housekeepers? Why not approach one of those instead?

FanSpamTastic · 26/11/2019 08:42

I don't see an issue with asking her to do the tasks you suggest. You can ask and she can say yes or no.

I am a bit confused on whether this day is on top of the 2 she currently does or if you are suggesting that you only pay her for one day while you are on maternity leave?

If it is on top of then just ask her. But if you think that you can cut her pay and role while you are off on maternity leave then you may risk losing her. She has a right to continue to be paid for her 2 days whether you need her or not.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 26/11/2019 08:44

Why the need to be nasty about the ops husband not doing cleaning?

Plenty of women don’t want to clean their own homes and so employ cleaners. It would only be a problem if he didn’t do his fair share and wasn’t willing to employ a cleaner.

Also plenty of inverted snobbery about having a cleaner, nanny and wanting a housekeeper on top. She can have all three plus a gardener, chauffeur and handyman as long as she is not exploiting them.

Op I would ask but in a way that makes it clear she can refuse if she doesn’t want to or has a better option. As it stands she knows you are pregnant, has already lost one source of income and might be worrying about your future plans. This new arrangement might suit her fine but you won’t know unless you speak to her.

swlondonnanny · 26/11/2019 08:46

By all means ask her to do the kids stuff (which is part of her job anyway).
But your bed???
I would feel insulted if my employer asked me to change their bed just because she is on maternity leave and wants to spend more time with the older child/ren...
I hate doing mine at home. So my lovely cleaning lady is doing it for me. I asked if she was happy to do it before she started though

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/11/2019 08:50

I know people who have offered this to their nanny and some have accepted. As PP said, just present it as a right of first refusal of the role rather than an expectation she will agree.

PeopleWhoRun · 26/11/2019 08:55

I think it's fine to ask - in the right way, which you will do because you don't want to offend her.

You could always start it with "I'm hoping to spend maternity with all of the kids, I really do value your work, could we revise your role and make a couple of changes that suit us both whilst I'm on maternity"

Ensure she feels valued and you might be surprised

jessycake · 26/11/2019 08:58

Why don't you just ask her , she may wish do for a while provided it's for specific tasks and she could be a little flexible with her baby .

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