To want to spend our money?

[Kione]

We both work, mortgage paid, small kids, I found out inherited a little bit too.
I am not bragging, I swear. My husband doesn't like heat or beach holidays, kids are too little and city breaks are not really breaks. In 14 years we've been away (not counting visiting my original country which is not really a holiday) 4 times.
Our kitchen is old and horrendous, we did the bathroom last year but because it is untidy apparently we are not doing the kitchen. I usually do whatever I want with my part of my wages (like buying a dryer or a bicycle) but I can't see how I can push something like a kitchen forward. He does not agree to have a cleaner. We don't have huge bills because the house is pretty small and he IS frugal...
I am so so fed up with it! And I just want to improve our hone not asking anything outrageous.
AIBU or have you got any ideas?
Thanks!

I'd measure up and work out a new layout and include places to put the all things that make it untidy - so ours, for example, could do with better storage for saucepans, I'd have a big drawer, which would make more space elsewhere. I'd also convert one of two small cupboards to hide recycling boxes these are under one end of the breakfast bar and look untidy, and a tall larder cupboard to compensate instead of a short span of worktop with nothing above.

Then you have a solid argument for the new layout: the kitchen will be tidy.

If he will not agree to have a cleaner that means he is offering to do the cleaning. I love having a cleaner.

Thanks Ariela it is the untidiness of the bathroom what stops the kitchen. Bathroom full of shampoo, toys etc. which I can put away but I just feel it's an excuse.

John I said that and he got in a massive huff. To be fair he does a lot of housework, I do more stuff to do with the kids, make sure they have everything they need, and managing the little one, he is like a tornado!

Being married to a miser is tiresome. I feel your pain.

He sounds delightful. I say that in a jokey way but I suspect in reality it’s no laughing matter.

To be clear. You have inherited some money which would pay for a desperately needed kitchen renovation.

You husband has vetoed this renovations because the newly renovated Bathroom is untidy and a bit cluttered.

This is irrational and controlling.

You are putting your inheritance in the family pot, it’s a good investment in your property value. Husbands reasoning makes no sense.

Coulda like you have bigger problems.

Should have read sounds like you have bigger problems,

Thanks for the replies, I know now it's not me.

I don't really understand why having an untidy bathroom means you can't have a new kitchen. Just go to the kitchen place, get plans and quotes and tell him when the work is due to start.

Dolly you are probably not wrong. But more than controlling I think it's an aversion to spend money. He would walk back for 30 min in the rain after a night out before spending £15 on a taxi.
He grew up very humble and 4 siblings, I always thought this has something to do with it.

Why do you need his permission to get a cleaner? And if cleaner comes when he's at work, will he even notice?

Bridge I think am going to do that. At least get quotes. If he went away with work for longer than a few days I would start the works!
I had a company in to clean the oven the last time he was away.

Katy it's not about permission, I respect that it is his house too

Emperor it is. And depressing.

My husband is averse to spending money, except he will on himself or on something he considers "an investment". Not house renovations or "useless shit" like rugs, lamps etc. The other day he remarked that everyone we know had a nicer house than us, maybe I was a bad housewife. I pointed out that ALL of them had decorated even had extensions in the past few years, whereas we have not decorated in 10. Every time I get a quote or suggest a color he vetos it. Drives me mental!!!!!

Just keep on at him. I did and we’re now mid kitchen renovations. Floor goes down next week.

I would rather have holidays, than a new kitchen
There are plenty of places to go that are not beach
Do you have family days out or weekends away instead ?

However, if you are not having holidays, then you are probably spending more time at home. So for you it may make more sense to have a new kitchen

This sounds exactly like my exh. In the end I divorced him.

I know talking about divorcing doesn't sound helpful, but I think that this type of behaviour from him is largely about control. The only thing that ever helped me was just pushing things through anyway, although that can lead to other problems... but if you are talking about using your own inheritance and he is still telling you that you can't do it then he can massively fuck off.

coco we could do both really but a new kitchen is what we need most.
I take the kids twice a year to my home town to visit friends and family and he sometimes comes. Las summer it was really hot tho and he really pissed me off being miserable.

I am going to start looking at kitchen places today.

Id definitely recommend a kitchen designer called One Plan who was a MNetter and you can find on Houzz. She designed ours so all we had to do is put her order into our chosen supplier (DIY kitchens).

She took into account our needs and our kitchen is pretty perfect. DIY were amazing value.

Thank you Wally! We live on one of the islands so not sure how that will work, but definitely will look into it!

At the risk of stating the obvious, if the reason for not getting a new kitchen is that the bathroom is untidy ... why not tidy the bathroom?

I do understand his reasoning - I can only cope with so much mess/disruption at one time. We redecorated DS's room earlier this year, and we still have stuff strewn around the house which needs putting away. In my head we should finish one job (which includes everything tidied away) before starting the next one.

I do tidy the bathroom just not every day. And I will do. I just forget to keep on top of it if I am honest. But I am going to chuck some stuff out today, that might give him a small heart attack but hey. He is just as untady! And has an aversion yo throw things away as well as to not spending money. I would happily throw all the clutter away and then it would be tidy

Tell him to stop being a tight arse.
It's inheritance and your very lucky to be in the position you can afford a new kitchen and a holiday.

Get measuring op 😁

Being humble and being an absolute miserable tight arse are two different things.