To want to spend our money?

[Kione]

We both work, mortgage paid, small kids, I found out inherited a little bit too.
I am not bragging, I swear. My husband doesn't like heat or beach holidays, kids are too little and city breaks are not really breaks. In 14 years we've been away (not counting visiting my original country which is not really a holiday) 4 times.
Our kitchen is old and horrendous, we did the bathroom last year but because it is untidy apparently we are not doing the kitchen. I usually do whatever I want with my part of my wages (like buying a dryer or a bicycle) but I can't see how I can push something like a kitchen forward. He does not agree to have a cleaner. We don't have huge bills because the house is pretty small and he IS frugal...
I am so so fed up with it! And I just want to improve our hone not asking anything outrageous.
AIBU or have you got any ideas?
Thanks!

My dad was like this with my mum for 20 years! She had a teeny kitchen for all that time, could fit 2 people in it. When he retired and got a payout he surprised her with a huge expensive kitchen, breakfast bar etc, electric hobs. It's gorgeous, and now she's retired she can make full use of it. My dad wishes he'd got it all done sooner.

I see where you're coming from though. If it was me I'd have it spent in a hour though and I'd probably make a lot of mistakes. I got some inheritance and paid for turf and decking in a flipping rented property that we were hoping to buy. 2 grand. A LOT of money to me. Not only did they do absolutely shoddy work and none of it was level, grass all died despite me watering it etc, me & ex split up and both moved out.

Some people are very paranoid over money and just don't want to "give it away" to anyone, including any kind of company unless they are super sure they're getting a brilliant deal and quality products.

Maybe with a lot of research and reviews you can win him around? Go and look at some displays? I used to love looking at kitchen/bathroom displays as a kid, all sparkly and new!

Thank you, yes, I am going to get looking.
And I know how lucky we are. And Zi am thankful. And when I get too pissed off I make myself think that this is much better than if he was bad with money - mind, wouldn't have lasted this long with someone like that.

Can't have it all hey!

I just messaged a door person to sort te slugs coming in the kitchen for a start!

"He would walk back for 30 min in the rain after a night out before spending £15 on a taxi."

That sounds entirely sensible to me; a bit of exercise, get a bit damp, enjoy your own thoughts. And save £15

I couldn't live like that OP.

There is balance between being a scattercash and racking up debt, and spending money on things that improve your life. No way would I be dictated to on what I spent money on in the situation you describe.

I would tell him the kitchen is getting done, he can either help with planning and designing and have an input, or he doesn't but either way it's happening. And when it's booked in tell him you are taking the dcs on holiday (somewhere nice and hot and sunny with a beach and a pool) and he can either come or stay and supervise the new kitchen being fitted.

It's ridiculous to live your life like this. If he absolutely vetoes everything ltb. My aunt stayed with my uncle for years living like this, him squirreling away every penny, nothing new (apart from his motorbikes) ever. He's now nearly 70, in pretty bad health and his bike is rotting in the shed. She is caring for him and counting down the days. Miserable bloody waste of a life.

Write a list of what you’d like to spend money on.
A kitchen
Some family friendly holidays
A cleaner.
General improving your life
Then be assertive, you’re equal partners.
Who inherited the money?

@Wallywobbles do you mind saying how much you paid for that service?

OP, I don't understand why the bathroom being untidy is a reason not to get a new kitchen. Is your DH implying that the mess is your fault?!

Start the paperwork Op!
Designs, plans, quotes etc
Compare how much you have saved against how much the middle quote is. Say, 10% of your savings or 22% or whatever. Prove you will not be breaking the rainy day fund.
Suggest a start date in Spring. April 2020. Give him plenty of time to get used to the idea that it is going to happen.
Keep on top of the bathroom tidying. I tidy while brushing my teeth and I have two bins. One is just recycling.
Have fun planning!

it's not about permission, I respect that it is his house too

Does he respect that you live there too?
*
I usually do whatever I want with my part of my wages (like buying a dryer or a bicycle*)

What does he do with his? Does he do anything that improves your lives or just benefit from you spending your wage?

He sounds miserable as hell.

Yes he spends his money on his own things (bikes funnily enough) but he pays all the bills (he earns more), if the house needs an improvement- it is literally falling apart, he has paid for it in the past.
He has just bought a new tv, we still had one with DVD player and I said I was going to buy one for myself!
Yes, he implies the untidiness of the bathroom is my mess, because he does tidy up downstairs, not always!
You all are right, it is exhausting living like this and quite miserable.
I might sneak in a cleaner too.

A miser (except when it comes to himself) and he's a cyclist, too! I'm so surprised, said no one ever! Fuck it, I'd get the new kitchen.

No, bikes as in motorbikes. He does cycle too tho but very casually

I live in France and the planning was done by email and on the phone. And we organiséd delivery of the kitchen.

Depends what sort of family you are

Will your children, when adults remember fondly about the times they spent in the kitchen
Or will they remember the family holidays ?
Or both
Perhaps learning to cook/ bake

Throw the clutter out then!

He doesn't get to hoard and complain it's untidy..

Installing a new kitchen will add value to your property and I seem to recall reading somewhere that the kitchen can be the make or break factor when it comes to selling a house.

In any event, I don't see why you should use your inheritance to finance a new kitchen when there are some highly advantageous mortgage deals around and the sensible option, depending on how much equity you've accrued, would be to raise the necessary funds by remortgaging.

If you subsequently wish to use part of your inheritance to pay a chunk off the mortgage that would be entirely up to you, but nothing beats having sufficient savings to replace broken appliances, boilers, cars etc without giving it a second thought or enduring sleepless nights worrying about how to pay for expensive repairs.

If he demurs, tell him you'll spend your inheritance on a shit hot divorce lawyer.

Tidy/clean the bathroom every time the children are in the bath (I assume as they’re small you are in there with them).
My DH was like this and it yes it was miserable. I think he had a fear of the future so wanted to hoard the money.

We have already payed the mortgage so that's not an issue, I have been tidying the bathroom since I started this thread.
I contacted one kitchen company and am waiting to hear.
I don't have the strength to discuss it with DH really. We'll see when they come to give us a quotation.

Oh you are talking about remortgaging, never in a million years will he fo that...