To be a bit annoyed at friend for this?

[anmila]

Yes, I know I'm overreacting but the ranting is mildly therapeutic

I have an old friend who lives abroad and who I haven't seen in about 6 years. We've been trying to make plans to see each other for years now and have finally gotten round to actually sorting it. I'm flying over to visit him in December for just under a week, Monday to Saturday.

Thing is, he's just slipped it into conversation that he'll be working that whole week. He works 12 hour shifts during the day, Mon-Fri. Realistically, this means the only time I'd actually see him is during the evening, although he doesn't finish work until 8pm.

I feel like a fool for assuming he'd have booked time off work - even just a couple of days if he couldn't take the whole week. For context, I've had to arrange childcare and sort out my own work to give me that week free (I'm self-employed). I booked the flights around 2 months ago and checked the dates with him beforehand and he said it would be fine.

I know IABU to have assumed he'd give up his week for me, but AIBU to be just a little bit pissed off? I'm happy enough to do my own thing in the city, but to be honest if I'd known he wasn't going to be around, I'd rather just have stayed home or have gone Friday-Sunday instead. He said it so casually so he clearly doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't even know how to react!

Oh that's shit, yanbu

I would be annoyed. You don't host someone and then bugger off out the entire week. It's weird.

that’s pretty shit

Can you cancel? Seeing as you won't actually get to see very much of your friend at all. Seems pointless going.

That’s crap. He’s not thought at all.

Tell him you’re disappointed that he’s working as you’d not have booked had you known. See what he says to that. If nothing changes I wouldn’t go.

I would sack him off. Don't give him the kudos of flying to see him.

Any chance of changing the tickets to go somewhere else?

I’ve got deja vu

I would explain you thought he may have booked at least a few days off, see what he replies ? It's obviously a miscommunication

I think it is different if it is somewhere you would have always loved to visit, but depending on his reply I would look at amending or cancelling.

That's really not on. He could at least take the Friday surely? I agree I wouldn't go under these circumstances it feels like he doesn't think your important enough.

Cancel. You will be glad you did.

I’ve got deja vu

Me too, I had to check the date that this was posted!

I'd cancel and rearrange for when he can take the time off

I’d cancel. I think I’d be resentful whilst there and would not be able to let it go.

Don't give him the kudos of flying to see him.
The kudos?

Thanks all, thought I was totally overreacxting and would get blasted on here!

It's not really a place I'd want to go on holiday to, the visit was almost entirely to see him. Yes it's a nice city but I've been there before, done most of the touristy things and will inevitably end up sat in various coffee shops reading a book, which is something I do enjoy but also something I could do at home.

I mostly just feel like an absolute idiot for assuming he'd have taken time off work. He was asking me what time my flight lands and everything so I assumed he was picking me up from the airport but clearly not!

I have another friend who lives in a different city in that country, would it be unreasonable to suggest I visit her Tues-Thurs? It's not like I'd really miss much time spent with the original friend and that way it wouldn't be a waste of flights. I feel like it's either that or cancelling entirely, where I'd lose the money but I'm petty enough to consider it. My only worry is that I'm making a big deal out of nothing as he doesn't seem to think it's a problem at all.

@Antigonads @amusedbush

Please do explain, I'm curious now!

I'd cancel. He clearly doesn't give a shit that you are coming so save your time, money & childcare

You might end up losing the money for the flight. But if you go, you'll end up spending a lot of money on eating out alone, coffee shops, etc.. while not even enjoying it. I'd cut your losses.

@Ohyesiam ok, satisfaction, not kudos!

OP he doesn't think it's a big deal because he is making zero effort.

I really wouldn't see him at all. I would either or cancel or spend all the time with other friend.

Oh that's rubbish. I would have assumed he had booked that time off work too. Seeing your other friend might be a better idea. If shes not available then you could cancel it?

I think spending a couple of days visiting your other friend is a great idea.
Might be an idea to ask first friend if he's working his usual shifts all the week though just to be sure he isn't planning to take a couple of half days or something.

Yes, go see the other friend...

Although, I live away from my family- If i have a year where a few people come over, i just can't take all the time off.

How much holiday provision does he have? If it's a N American company, he may only have 2 weeks, and perhaps those weeks are spoken for.

Go, and see your other friend, and then see him for the 2nd half of the week. Id be pretty annoyed if i were you

Agree with pp. Something along the lines of "I thought youd be around the days I'm visiting. If you're going to be working, I'll pop over and see X for a few days instead as you'll be at work all day anyway"