MiL vs my parenting style

[purpleturtle25]

I had the benefit of watching my 2SiLs closely start families and navigate motherhood and observe firsthand the choices they made when it came to parenting and the repercussions of their parenting styles. This helped me to form a pretty clear picture in my head of how I wanted to do things when My DC arrived.

DH, for the most part, sees eye to eye with my parenting choices. MiL on the other hand, seems to be looking for any opportunity to do all the things I want to keep DS away from. I know grandparents want to spoil their grandkids but does she get this privilege considering she lives with us? Shouldn't she have to take on more of a parenting role?

Eg: We have tried hard to keep DS relatively tech free so far. Hes 14 months old. I left him for 30mins with her the other day to pop to the shops and she plopped him in front of the telly? Even though she knows he doesn't watch tv. Today I was occupied with sorting out some new furniture we had delivered, she took him and put him in front of the ipad. These are just a few examples of things. It's driving me mad.

Am I overthinking things? Should I speak to her about it? It's not like she doesn't know/has forgotten what DS is and isn't allowed.

If I saw her occasionally I would've turned a blind eye. But I live with my MiL. I know how most MNers feel about this so please try to look past this as it isn't something I can change immediately. 

😅 i wish I could still swaddle him! Maybe then he'd sleep through the night

I think if it’s MIL hows you need to bite your tongue. How much longer are you going to be living there OP? I am sure it must be a difficult situation all round. I certainly wouldn’t be expecting extra help and parenting just be grateful she is putting a roof over your heads and get on with it and try not to be so precious.
When DS was a baby I tried to keep DS away from TV as he was my PFB and I was very precious with him. However, when I had DD just over a year later if it meant I could feed her in peace then yes I changed my mind and put the TV on for an easier life and he turned out fine. Maybe your MIL feels your DC is hard work, you are making hard work of it and she is trying to help (in an easy way that she knows how) even if it’s a bit misguided and doesn’t fit with your ideals. Maybe her tolerance levels are already low with you all living in with her.
I would try and move out ASAP for all your sakes and sanity. But providing you read regularly with your DC, show them love, talk to them, let them interact with others young and old a little bit of TV now and again won’t make any difference.

Shouldn't she have to take on more of a parenting role?

I actually agree with you on this. But I think that also means that she gets a say in parenting decisions. I don't think you can expect her to just do everything the way you say, she's not a nanny.

I would hate that arrangement so don't live with my parents or in laws but when I have seen it work well, it works because everyone parents collectively

If you're unhappy with the care she provides, move out and pay for childcare.

observe firsthand the choices they made when it came to parenting and the repercussions of their parenting styles

Wtf has this got to do with anything?

Havaina
I totally missed that Thank you.

In which case it absolutely isn't the case of MIL living with the OP and her DH. The MIL is saving them huge amounts in rent and childcare so it seems quite childish to quibble over 30mins of telly.

Geez talk about micro-analyzing things.

^^

Our thoughts exactly

I think you need to relax a little.
As your DC grows there are going to be many influences you can't control so much.
You'll be heading towards unhappiness and anxiety if you're getting worked up over little things like this.

We have absolutely no idea why the OP is living with her MIL, it could be that MIL is recently widowed and needs family to support her financially and/or practically to get by, it could be a cultural obligation (with which we may not agree but may sympathise) or for many other reasons.

That's true odd, but the fact they are living with her in her house does make a difference to the dynamic.
The OP seems to be quite dictatorial on how she thinks the household should run regarding adult roles etc and to me that comes across as a bit overbearing for someone living in a relative's house.