MiL vs my parenting style

[purpleturtle25]

I had the benefit of watching my 2SiLs closely start families and navigate motherhood and observe firsthand the choices they made when it came to parenting and the repercussions of their parenting styles. This helped me to form a pretty clear picture in my head of how I wanted to do things when My DC arrived.

DH, for the most part, sees eye to eye with my parenting choices. MiL on the other hand, seems to be looking for any opportunity to do all the things I want to keep DS away from. I know grandparents want to spoil their grandkids but does she get this privilege considering she lives with us? Shouldn't she have to take on more of a parenting role?

Eg: We have tried hard to keep DS relatively tech free so far. Hes 14 months old. I left him for 30mins with her the other day to pop to the shops and she plopped him in front of the telly? Even though she knows he doesn't watch tv. Today I was occupied with sorting out some new furniture we had delivered, she took him and put him in front of the ipad. These are just a few examples of things. It's driving me mad.

Am I overthinking things? Should I speak to her about it? It's not like she doesn't know/has forgotten what DS is and isn't allowed.

If I saw her occasionally I would've turned a blind eye. But I live with my MiL. I know how most MNers feel about this so please try to look past this as it isn't something I can change immediately. 

Haha I don't swaddle him anymore, stopped at 5mo lol it's just part of the backstory

Oh come on. You're living in her house, a few minutes of TV won't harm them. Lots of kids TV (Cbeebies etc) is educational. I think you're being a little too strict. Yes too much TV isn't great but I'd have gone mad if I couldn't have a few minutes to get on with things while they watched TV. Maybe she finds it hard work looking after a toddler so puts on the TV.

I don’t think you are being petty . Your child - Your rules . Her house - her rules whilst you live with her which don’t extend to dictating how your child is reared . To make it different is seriously undermining you as the power dynamic is already weighted against you as you have to share her roof . I don’t think TV for a 14 month old is appropriate either . At that age things like playing patacake and a few nursery rhymes - interaction with the baby is perfect . But then I’m pretty old fashioned in that respect. Giving DC food you don’t approve of is wrong .

How supportive is DH who I assume is out at work all day ?

It's her house but it's your child! She should be respecting your wishes, I absolutely hate when grandparents just stick grandkids in front of tv/tablet. My mil does the same, dd is not often with her so I wish she would spend that time with her differently...

And I get what people say that 30mins of tv won't do any harm and I also agree that most kids TV programmes are educational however there are plenty of things grandparents could do with their grandchildren that doesn't include technology. They should know better. Just shows they can't be bothered. And especially if it isn't a regular occurance when they look after their grandkids. I admire those kind of grandparents who want to actually spend spend time with the kids, like teach them something, read, explore, bake etc

I wouldn't give the TV thing a thought. She was looking after him for you, and half an hour's TV isn't going to damage him, I'm slightly less relaxed about the tablet. I think I'd simply have said 'could you give him a (book/toy) instead of the tablet?

Waking him from naps etc is absolutely not acceptable though.

As you live with her, I think you have to pick your battles though. If she's actively looking after him, then you have to compromise a bit. If she's doing things with/for him without asking while you're there, I think you have the right to confirm with her what your parenting rules are and ask her to be consistent.

I don’t think you are being petty . Your child - Your rules . Her house - her rules whilst you live with her which don’t extend to dictating how your child is reared .

This!!

Regardless of whether anyone on here agrees with giving a toddler access to tech or not, you've made your decision based on what you think is right for you and your child.

Your MIL should respect that.

Why do so many people live with their in laws?!

The shops thing was a one-off and he was napping when I left and He wasn't due to wake up anytime soon.

So what’s the issue if it’s so infrequent?!

She’s saving you at least £1000 a month and you’re quibbling of 30 minutes of telly!

If you don't like it, then either parent your child yourself or pay for a sitter.

Ask yourself the following questions -What are your reasons for keeping ds tech free? Does her half an hour every now and then impact on that?

You could always buy or rent your own home.
You live in her house, it's her rules.
She's not going to change the way she provides care to your child, so you suck it up or leave.

She sounds great at undermining your parenting choices.
Your husband needs to have a word.

Nah, your husband needs to thank his mother profusely for allowing you to live in her house and for babysitting his child.

I would keep my mouth shut. Why are you living with her?

I know grandparents want to spoil their grandkids but does she get this privilege considering she lives with us? Shouldn't she have to take on more of a parenting role?

And then

but I live with my MiL.

Whilst both technically mean the same I think there's a subtle difference.

Are you and your family living in MILs house? Or is MIL living in your family home?

I think that changes the dynamic a bit.

I know grandparents want to spoil their grandkids but does she get this privilege considering she lives with us? Shouldn't she have to take on more of a parenting role?

Your arrogance is breathtaking, you make it sound like you're doing her a favour by allowing her to live with you and in return you expect her to take on a parenting role, except you don't want her to do that if her views on parenting don't agree with yours and she is not living with you, you are living with her in HER house. She is under no obligation to do anything.

If you don't like it perhaps it's time to be an adult and rent/buy your own house.

@LolaSmiles

Are you and your family living in MILs house? Or is MIL living in your family home?

OP said it’s MIL’s house, so OP saying ‘she lives with us’ is hilarious! I’m wondering if she sees the house as an inheritance already.

Geez talk about micro-analyzing things. I agreed I was being unreasonable and moved on.

Nothing wrong with a bit of tech

Geez talk about micro-analyzing things

I think you living with the MiL instead of vice versa is more macro-analysing.

Move out

you swaddle a 14 month old???

sorry, misse dyour update.

You’re swaddling a toddler?!