Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask how find out who took the money

78 replies

MissMarpleInvestigates · 25/11/2019 08:20

NC for this. I live with 3 DC. 2 are over 18 and one teenager (GCSE age).

I have been suspecting that money has disappeared from my purse but I have never been sure. When I thought that some was missing before I mentioned it and it seemed to stop.

Until today.

Last night I went to the local shop and I had £20 in my purse. I paid with a card (I forgot veg for dinner) but when I got home I left my purse out (as I was rushing for dinner).

This morning the £20 was gone. All 3 DC were in the house last night but DC1 went to bed after me and was up and out before me. DC2 went to bed early and is still in bed this morning, and DC3 was up and out of the door with me.

Ive asked DC1 & 3 if they did it and they both deny it, but both of them had the most opportunity.

The question here is, is there anyway I can try and get to the bottom of this? Maybe by putting some dye on money in my purse or another creative way of setting a trap? or any other ideas?

Or should i just let it go?

OP posts:

Perunatop · 25/11/2019 11:03

The simplest solution is to stop using cash and use card or phone. Perhaps keep a few notes locked away somewhere if necessary.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 25/11/2019 11:07

Get a camera. They won’t admit it without the solid proof.

Also, what do you plan to do when you find out who it is? If it’s one of the older ones who are never home will any consequence even have an impact?

PearTreeParty · 25/11/2019 11:12

Glitter is actually brilliant - I would try this.

I would also give them all a piece of paper with two options written on it. Tell them that they can anonymously tick the 'it was me' or 'it wasn't me box' but when you get three back you expect one to be ticked - if not, there will be no biscuits/crisps/cash handouts/whatever for a month to allow for 'thieving'. I would subtly mark each piece of paper (tiny dot or something) so that you know who has come from what. If you do get an 'It was me' back, you will know who it is from and at that point I would approach them and say "I knew it was you all along, so I am assuming the 'tick' was yours. Thank you for your honestly. Never ever do that again'. The end.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 25/11/2019 11:28

Glitter and ink all the way.
Lentils and basic food for a good number of weeks.
No wifi or treats.

ffswhatnext · 25/11/2019 20:47

I did think about just leaving it. But then why should I? As op it wasn't the first time and leaving it hadn't resolved a thing.
It's home. A place where you're supposed to be safe to leave your stuff anywhere and it's either still there, or someone has asked if they can borrow it.
Respect, privacy, boundaries etc all begin at home. If we ignore and do nothing how do they learn?

Group punishment isn't fair. The two innocent ones will be even more pissed off at the person who did it. Sometimes the sibling pressure can be very useful, others times it can make things worse. The punishment would depend on who did it if I cut screen time for one they wouldn't have cared and carried on reading.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 25/11/2019 20:50

Do you have a cleaner/ dog walker/ friend who might have been round etc? Tell the kids that you suspect them of stealing and that you're going to call the police who will finger print your purse and probably want statements and prints from everyone else in the house. Then watch them squirm.....they may even confess rather than get caught.

Jarw · 28/11/2019 18:06

I once brought a clock with a hidden motion activated camera inside it when I thought my MIL was going through mine and partner's stuff in bedroom. Turns out I was right!

crispysausagerolls · 28/11/2019 18:21

I always think the camera is best before talking to them, if you wait until afterwards they might not take anything if you do a set up.

Camera is the best way though, for sure

Stooshie8 · 28/11/2019 18:41

Why would the culprit own up? I dont' see what advantage there is for them. Stop leaving your purse out. Or get a camera.

Kaboomba · 28/11/2019 18:46

I’d get them together and tell them you filmed your purse last and would like to give them the opportunity to come clean before you watch it!

ShabbyNat · 24/12/2019 22:57

Hi
Did you find the culprit??

HmmmSuspicious1 · 24/12/2019 23:01

Well @MissMarpleInvestigates did you find out whodunnit?

ferntwist · 26/12/2019 07:31

OP did you ever get to the bottom of it?

Pinkbonbon · 26/12/2019 07:46

Think I'd just make it that any time money goes missing they ALL, individually have to pay you that amount back.

I'd say the camera but they have been told you know already so it might be some while before who ever it is steals again. IF they do it again. And if they do then you have some serious issues.

Any of them particularly selfish? My bet would be on them.

Beautiful3 · 26/12/2019 07:54

Think i would purposely not buy any crisps/chocolates/biscuits in the shop, and say I cant afford it because moneys been taken from my purse. I would want to show them them that stealing money, has an affect on the whole family.

QOD · 26/12/2019 08:05

Darn. Thought we had an outcome

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2019 08:15

QOD
Yes, me too.

jetSTAR · 26/12/2019 08:30

@MissMarpleInvestigates did you e er find out who it was?

shelikesemwithamoustache · 26/12/2019 08:33

Get a cheap camera, mine was £15 and is brilliant, records everything and will also send you alerts if you want it to.

LadyAllegraImelda · 26/12/2019 08:39

I went though a period of stealing from my mum's purse as a young teen. I was fed up having hardly any pocket money and really wanted some crisps or a sweet from the shop.

TreeTopTim · 26/12/2019 08:41

My first thought when I read this was drugs.

Did you find out who it was?

daisychain01 · 26/12/2019 08:46

@MissMarpleInvestigates I'd suggest you keep all cash locked away, every last penny. Whilst it was wrong of whoever took the money, please take temptation out of their way. Then the opportunity for them to even think about taking from you will be ruled out. I wouldn't say anything to them that this is what you're going to do.

Also it doesn't sit well for you to say " I know it was one of you" - sorry to say it, but that's lazy thinking. Based on the justice system it should always be "innocent until proven guilty". Branding all 3 DC as a thief is a really bad idea. You're the adult, you need to set the standard.

daisychain01 · 26/12/2019 08:50

Why would the culprit own up? I dont' see what advantage there is for them.

Owning up to any 'crime' is not always about an advantage. We all have an innate moral compass despite it getting buried at times. Sometime coming clean is the reward, and making amends. Even children work out that it feels positive to do that, and probably never bothered to think about actions and consequences at the time, but reflect on it later and realise it's the right thing to do.

Marmablade · 26/12/2019 09:09

Has any more gone missing OP?

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 26/12/2019 09:29

Apologies, as I know you have stated that you live with your three DC but I just wanted to check- do you have a partner? As my Mum always had money disappear from her purse and at first my brothers were questioned (she knew it wasn’t me as I was still terrified of going to hell due to going to a catholic primary school) but even they always asked my Mum before taking any money from her purse. Anyway it turns out it was my Dad, who didn’t think he had to tell her, as what was hers is his.... He was a nightmare, my brothers and I used to say he was a magpie, you couldn’t leave any money out (my brothers and I would leave out our exact bus fair and leave it on the vestibule table, so we had it on hand.) or Dad would pocket any change. In fairness though we got it all back- Dad would save up all coins during the year, then treat us all to extra presents at Christmas. 😁

Mum was always keeping change in her bag, separate from her purse, so we could get our bus fair when Dad had pinched it. Although I got wise to Dad and started keeping my own bus fair in my coat pocket (my brothers continued to fall for it, although they were good natured about it, especially when Dad explained what he had done with the money!) and as a result I was often giving my brothers exact change for the bus, as they would empty their pockets out when they came in and my Dad would swipe any change.

Have you checked your purse thoroughly? I was a nightmare for keeping all shop receipts and it was so easy to think I had ‘lost’ a note, only to find It later on after clearing out my receipts

Flip

1 2 3 4