To be glad he is dead

[bingandflop]

Hi

Around 15 years ago had a boss. This boss sexually harassed me quite badly and eventually indecently assaulted me.

I found out today that he has died and I am really glad. He cant do anything to women now. I know that he did things to other women as well not just me.

I am glad that this waste of space is dead but it has brought back memories I thought were gone. I have spent the entire day yelling at my children about nothing and I dont know why.

Im not too sure why I posted this but thanks for reading

i understand this as i was in a situation and they died. i'll drink to that with you, have you ever talked it through with anyone ?

Sorry for what you've been through, but I think if you're telling at your children for nothing then you need some help.

*yelling

No, you are not being unreasonable. I was emotionally, financially and mentally sexually abused for 2 and a half years, threats of very violent rape and i know they had already comitted a physical sexaul assault as they confessed it to me themself.
8 years on i still have nightmares, flashbacks, its affected all of my romantic and friendship relationships since, and always will.
I'm genuinely affraid of what he's capable of and might have done to others since and could still do in future, if asexual assault happens in the area he lives, i immediately question if it was him, does the description of the attacker describe him. I'd be relieved if he died knowing he couldn't hurt others or come back to hurt me again.

It’s understandable that it has knocked you off kilter, but I also understand why you’re glad. Don’t be ashamed of your feelings. I went out and partied when my abuser died and was delighted when my scumbag father died. Are we supposed to pretend that one less abuser in the world is a bad thing? I’m delighted that there will less women and children abused by the scumbags.

Have you had therapy? Would you like some? If you think it’s affecting you-no bloody wonder-then don’t hesitate to seek help. I wish I had, years ago.

Thank you all. To be honest I needed to hear that wasn't being unreasonable. Extreme apologies to anyone who has been hurt like this. I will try to move on from here xx

YANBU and please phone Rape Crisis. You do not need to apologise.

15 years ago you were indecently assaulted, you've found out that your attacker is dead and I have spent the entire day yelling at my children about nothing and I dont know why your words and this is wrong.
I'm really sorry about what's happened to you but it's not your children's fault, please try and get some help.

I'm ecstatic that my stepdad's dead for similar reasons.

Your right, it’s good he can no longer hurt anyone.

I was sexually assaulted and raped by my first boyfriend (I was 15), 5 years ago he was killed, rode his bike head on into a car. I felt no sadness at all, just relief, relief that I could stop looking over my shoulder, relief that he couldn’t hurt anyone else. Since he died the nightmares stopped and I have been able to talk about what happened.

I think that when we find out about the death of someone who has abused us, there is that jumble of feelings that take time to settle down. Yes, there's the gladness that no-one else can be hurt ever again by them; but it also brings all those bad memories flooding back.

Be kind to yourself. Allow a bit of time to re-process those bad memories.

Depending on the age of your children, you could just say sorry for shouting; or if they're old enough, you could explain a little about why you were so unsettled - not details, just that someone was very nasty to you, and that's not acceptable. And if someone is nasty to them, they can tell you because you'll understand.

It's very tough being an abuse survivor, because there's so much emotional energy needed to just keep going. And then you get the whammy, as you did. Quite often, people find it helps just to talk it out with a counsellor. There are NHS counselling services, and it might be worth googling for that.

Thank you so much. He didn't rape me though. I have gone to great research extent to figure out the legal classification and it is indecent assault. Many women on this forum have been through a million times worse. God bless them and I hope they are ok

Definitely not being unreasonable. I had a teacher at school that would call girls up to stand at the side of his desk, ostensibly to go through their work, and then put his hand up your skirt. By year 8, we all knew he did it, so would go to the opposite side of his desk, rather than stand next to him. As far as I know it never went further than that with any pupil.

He was killed in a dreadful incident, I was about 19 at the time, my mother thought I would be upset and I was, for his family, but just expressed relief that he couldn’t touch up any other girls now. My Mum was horrified and asked why I hadn’t told her, but I suppose even at that young age I had realised that I wouldn’t be believed over a Male, deeply religious, pillar of the community etc

And you are all right I absolutely shouldn't have shouted at my kids. I think I was desperate to process this information on my own and couldn't find the headspace. X

Sorry to hear of your experience.

I worked in an office with 6 or 7 other women and our boss was a serial groper. At 5 o'clock it was a race out of the door so as not to be the last one left with him. He was off sick for a couple of weeks and died. When we heard we shared a bottle of fizz in celebration, and no sense of guilt whatsoever. We did wonder what his family must have thought at none of his co-workers turning up to his funeral though.

Yanbu

Don't yell at your kids, take a moment and think - I'm worth ten of him, I've got a lovely family, lovely kids who love me, and I don't get my kicks from hurting people.

Don't worry too much about the yelling. It's not an absolute offence in itself. I can't imagine there are very many parents who haven't had a bad day, for whatever reason. As long as it's in the context of an otherwise happy and loving family situation, it'll just be a blip. Even very young children can figure that out.

YANBU. What happened to you was dreadful. But please see a counsellor, talk it through and put it to rest.

talk it through and put it to rest.

Sorry, but although counselling can help a great deal, you can never put it to rest, as it can never be forgotten. Counselling helps you gain coping strategies to deal with the memories of the past.

you are not being unreasonable, you've had a shock and memories have been brought back to the front of you mind

be nice to yourself, its a natural reaction - and don't waste time feeling guilty

I was sexually assaulted some years ago. The man fled to his home country before trial (he was found guilty and given a custodial sentence in his absence. Every time I hear of an event resulting in deaths in his home country I hope he was one of them. I feel a lot of guilt around that but I still think it.

No you are not wrong. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully you’ll be able to keep it separate from your children xx

Sorry that happened to you.

When the evil bastard who murdered my dd, walked free from court I had to wait 4yrs for him to end up dead.
Hope you can finally move on with your life now.

This is just a reaction while you process the news which has brought all those horrible feelings back again. I'd be far more worried if you'd been physical with the children or thrown things. Just tell them someone was horrible to you and you were feeling upset, but not with them. give them a hug, tell them you love them, and see if you can find a quiet moment to yourself. You have my sympathy.. sending hugs..