To be glad he is dead

[bingandflop]

Hi

Around 15 years ago had a boss. This boss sexually harassed me quite badly and eventually indecently assaulted me.

I found out today that he has died and I am really glad. He cant do anything to women now. I know that he did things to other women as well not just me.

I am glad that this waste of space is dead but it has brought back memories I thought were gone. I have spent the entire day yelling at my children about nothing and I dont know why.

Im not too sure why I posted this but thanks for reading

I hope nobody criticises you. I understand completely. It is years now since my abuser (husband) died. I am so grateful that he is no longer around and, even now, wish bad things for him. People we know/knew speak so well of him still. They have no idea what a dictatorial, spiteful little man he was. Even writing this has given me pleasure!

Fair play op

I’m so sorry ParkheadParadise. I come from an horrendously abusive background, but I can’t for one minute imagine your loss and pain.

Thank you. Knowing how well he was spoken about makes it even worse. 'LD was such a charming gentleman.' No actually LD was a vile pervert with no respect for women

I have spent the entire day yelling at my children about nothing and I dont know why

Because hearing about him, hearing his name when you spend your every waking moment deliberately NOT thinking about what happened, has brought all of the pain and anguish to the surface again.

I don't think you've had the opportunity to process what happened - you've just buried it. SO those emotions - pain, distress - sheer bloody terror are washing over you like a tsunami and you are wrongly (but understandably) taking your anxiety out on your nearest and dearest.

Fear and anger can make us vary aggressive. This is PTSD and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. These emotions are so visceral that they are very hard to cope with, and you can't do it alone.

If this is a one-off, then apologise you your children and see if you can get help. Please ask your GP for therapy, and/or phone the Samaritans - talk it out, get validation from someone outside - you need to process this and re-frame it in a way you can cope with.

I do hope that you are able to get the help you need. But remember that he can't hurt you, or anyone else now - and he is rotting in Hell, and it serves him right.

He was a mean, evil bastard - but he's gone.

Park head I am so so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine xx

I felt like this when my father died. He was violent, abusive, and once concussed me.

I haven't grieved for a single day since his death. It took until I was knocking on middle age to recognise and accept the trauma left behind by what he did to me, and to seek help for it. Even after he's been in his grave for 10 years he's still cost me the fat end of £10K for a year and a half's EMDR sessions. Just thinking about it makes me angry, so for the majority of the time, I don't give him headspace.

Sometimes I do feel guilt over these feelings: he was, after all, my own father. But what you feel is valid, and you're entitled to those emotions and to fully acknowledge them. In the circumstances what you are feeling is entirely natural. Be good to yourself: this man certainly wasn't.

@ParkheadParadise that is horrific. I'm so, so sorry.

Its not just that this news has dragged it up, its that you now have no chance at any kind of restorative justice.

YANBU. An ex colleague of mine was unbelievably nasty to me, called me names and talked about me behind my back. He was such a horrible bully that when we both moved on ten years ago I avoided him for the rest of his life. I wouldn’t apply to or work with certain companies in my profession because he either worked there or had done in the past. I didn’t want us to have any mutual acquaintances or colleagues or any contact at all because even just thinking about him made me feel panicky and victimised. He died suddenly of a heart attack last year at the age of 59 and when I found out I literally danced around the room shouting Fuck You! I’m free to work wherever I want now.

Maybe this is more common than we'd like to think.

I've heard it suggested that when you have unresolved issues with someone who's died, it helps to write a letter to them and pour it out. Obviously no-one to send it to but its said to help.

YANBU.

I had someone treat me very badly and when I found out he had died, I was happy. It meant he would never hurt someone else again like he hurt me.

I found out recently that my abusive ex-husband is dead. I feel no sorrow. Just triumphant that I outlived him as there were times that I thought he’d kill me.

I think the yelling at the children is because hearing he is dead has bring the past suffering into the fore and is reducing your tolerance threshold, you are upset and stressed, he might be dead but the feelings this may be bringing back may be quite powerful.

Please ring rape crisis, visit your GP and do as much as you can to find the help to deal with the past feelings his death is bringing back.

YANBU. I've been assaulted/raped a couple of times, and when they die I'll dance on their graves and then go out for celebratory cocktails.

Yelling- well of course hearing news of him will bring back unpleasant memories. :( Hugs xxxxx

Yanbu. I'll be glad he's dead with you. Good riddance.