Friend or DMIlL over my Birthday cards?

[JaimeBronde]

A few days ago DMIL popped over to see us, it was an impromptu visit as she was in passing but that doesn't matter as we usually get on quite well & to be fair she normally gives us advanced warning.
Now one of my friends had just come over for a pre arranged coffee. Now that in itself wasn't a problem as I knew DMIL wouldn't stop long & she's met my DFriend a few times over the years & they seem to get on well too.
It was my birthday last week (in this house we keep our cards up for at least at week or two)
DFriend who we'll call Lisa (not her name in real life)looks through some of my cards up on the mantelpiece & as we share a mutual friend who we'll call Kate (for this though obviously she's called something else in reality) Anyway Kate lives overseas.

Lisa picks up Kate's card & says I see Kate has remembered your love of foxes. (Kate sent me a card with a photo of a fox on it).
Then Lisa talks about her upcoming trip to see Kate & how the last year had been hard for her (Kate has a few problems but all sorted now)
Whilst Lisa is chatting she's also said that's a nice card from old neighbour. (Lisa knows how I miss old neighbour.)
Then Lisa tells me about the latest crazy thing her mad neighbour has done to annoy everyone.
Now DMIL joins in & says yes it's good Kate is on the mend & yes your neighbour is crazy.
DMIL then leaves after 20 mins as it was a flying visit.
Lisa stays for another hour.

Later that evening DMIL rings as she's left something behind at my house. She has a brief word with me & then talks to DH.

A bit later on I'm telling DH about Lisa's crazy neighbour's latest stunt.
DH says ''Mum thinks Lisa is very rude by looking through your birthday cards.'
I say 'What? All of my friends have a quick look at my cards & I don't mind as they are just showing interest & admiring them. Plus I look at theirs sometimes & none of us mind.'
(Plus we usually ask if we can look at the cards)
DH says 'No it's inappropriate & very rude'

DH & I end up having a row.

Now I don't think it's rude to look at someones birthday/Christmas cards though you should ask first & respect the cardholders wishes if they say no.

Am I & my friends being unreasonable or is DMIL?
Sorry for the long read & I know in the scheme of things it's really trivial, but it's annoyed me.

I think it is very rude to read other people's cards. My mum used to do this all the time - i stopped putting them out in the end.

Your MIL and DH are being ridiculous.

Why is your H arguing with you over you allowing your friends to read your cards?

What does it have to do with him?

How ridiculous, regardless of either your DH's or MIL's opinions, they are your cards and you of course can do with them what you wish.

YANBU - they are being twits.

Since you agreed to your friend looking at your cards, self-evidently she wasn't being rude. Your MIL is being idiotic, and so is your husband in supporting her.

They must be very sad and lonely people if they don't even share the contents of their greetings cards with their friends

What a ridiculous thing to say

For God’s sake can people not say the MIL is wrong without using the words arsehole, fool, idiot. Geez calm down.

Why display cards if not to be read?

Your cards. Your boundaries.

If you want to share them on Facebook or Instagram, go for it.

Why, @Shaded? This was, factually, an idiotic thing to make a fuss about.

DH obviously inherited that pole up his arse

Eh?! Is this actually a thing not looking on displayed birthday cards in someone’s house? It’s not a secret letter tucked in a knicker drawer!
Does the same apply to Christmas cards? I’ve clearly been very rude my whole life when it comes to card etiquette 😂

What a load of bollox!

If you want something to remain private you don't put it on display (in a shared area of a house) whether it's it your own home or not.

Also, if the conversation was centred around what she had read from those very cards and you clearly didn't have an issue with it (and your MIL joined in!!) then clearly you don't have a problem with it so why does she?

Yet another example of how I must live in a parallel world with the way some people think 🤷‍♀️

What do you think your MIL is hoping for now? For you to report back to her that you had a little word with your friend, and she is very sorry for her rude behaviour? You need to engineer another meeting between the two of them, where Lisa does something even more "inappropriate" and just watch MIL squirm!

I would have laughed. I did as I read what they said.

Not like you have a massive dildo on the mantelpiece, not that theirs anything wrong with it.

Maybe the MiL was put out because the OP and Lisa weren't discussing how fucking marvellous the MiL's card was. It's very poor of her to then go to her son and shit-stir, and the DH is pretty crap for allowing himself to be manipulated.

Unless the MiL didn't want Lisa to see what she had written in her card to you - was it private? Is she a private person? Maybe she felt embarrassed?

What a load of crap. The cards are out on display and she asked permission before she looked at them. What's the problem?

And why do other people get to tell you how you ought to feel about it?

For God’s sake can people not say the MIL is wrong without using the words arsehole, fool, idiot.

Nope.
Because this has sod-all to do with cards, & everything to do with MiL actively seeking to undermine & infantalise the OP, while her son joins in the Controller's Chorus. Over something so damn trivial - only an arsehole, a fool or an idiot would be so petty & negative.