To think my partner is an absolute dick

[Southdownsbelle]

We were just talking about Xmas presents with DD 7 and he says in front of of daughter ‘I don’t think we should get loads of stocking filers this year’ - luckily I don’t think she picked up on it but I was mouthing shut up to him & now he’s had a massive tantrum because I followed him out it the room to ask why he was talking about stocking fillers in front of our 7year old (luckily she didn’t pick up on it but normally nothing gets past her)

WTF- aibu to think he’s a dick? Talk about nearly ruining Xmas 🙄 It’s not even like kids believe in Santa for that long anyway!!

Is it because in your house, Santa puts his gifts into the stockings OP? If so, you can have some damage control: the term “stocking fillers” is exactly that, extra little presents that you buy to fill out the overall gifts - so DH could’ve been taking about anyone’s presents: yours, GPs, cousins etc. not actual presents for the Santa stocking.

We have a Santa sack which we leave by the fireplace with his tray and they get left in there - the ones from family and from us (mom and dad) are under the tree leading up to Christmas Day.

I couldn't stand a partner who had tantrums. Of course he shouldn't have talked about cutting down on presents in front of his child but if she didn't hear, no harm done.

It wouldn't occur to me that a seven year old would still believe in Fr X but obviously some do.

I was a single mum to five. No damn way was the fat man in red getting the credit for presents I practically had to mortgage my soul to afford!

Which meant that none of them really got the 'Father Christmas belief' thing. And you know what? It didn't spoil Christmas for them in the slightest.

I am sure you can talk your way out of this one, OP, but your DP needs to learn to screen what he says!

I think there are far worse ways to be a dick than wishing to spend less money in stocking fillers. Kids these days get so much stuff, they really do not appreciate much.

I think there are far worse ways to be a dick than wishing to spend less money in stocking fillers. Kids these days get so much stuff, they really do not appreciate much.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? The OP is complaining that her DP almost told her dd that Santa doesn’t exist, not that he wants to spend less/get fewer presents.

You both seem quite volatile, or maybe it's just how you explained it. I can see that it was annoying but your response was quite aggressive and his reaction is OTT. It was a mistake, it doesn't seem worth falling out over.

Does your daughter believe all presents come from Father Christmas? In our family, some come from Father Christmas and some (most) come from family and friends. Maybe you could go down that route?

Are people misunderstanding you op and thinking you are upset at the cutting down but when obviously you are upset at letting the cat out of the bag?

We seem to have been inundated with biscuit trolls

OP he was an arse. I would wonder if he did it on purpose. It's not difficult to remember a child believes in Santa.

Isn't the term 'stocking fillers' everywhere this time of year? I would not have thought of Santa, just small gifts. I think the OP reaction gave the game away more. Especially as I assume the 7 year old can read and will have seen this term used a lot for gifts but just from Santa.

**not just from Santa

She is 7. She knows that the whole Santa thing is rubbish.

I can't understand all the biscuits either! My DTs (11) have always believed until this year, and DS still does (DD may have overheard debates in the past but this is the first year she's mentioned it to me, anyway she has decided to carry on believing....). DS has ASD and definitely believes; I tried to break it to him gently about the tooth fairy a couple of years ago and he got really cross and said I was pranking him! DH and I have gone to great lengths to keep the faith, as OP says it doesn't last last long, but is so magical while it does. If DH ever said anything stupid he'd be mortified and apologetic, not having a tantrum.

OP - YANBU!!

@Southdownsbelle I am also confused by all the

YANBU. He does sound like hard work! (Your DP.)

Maybe don't talk about Christmas presents with kids in the house?!

How is it 'magical' to lie to your kids? I have never understood this!

And most kids know long before they let on to their parents but keep schtum I think to keep them happy.

The biscuit people are just attention seeking and best ignored. YANBU-refusing to admit when you are wrong and throwing a tantrum are deeply unattractive traits in a grown man.

YABU - he almost let the cat out of the bag, but didn't.
Phew, big sigh of relief and laugh about it later?
Or follow him angrily out of the room and keep going on about it and not let it lie?

Koshkat I'm sure you can start your own thread about why your view on Santa is the correct one ... although there are already millions of them on here. However, the OP didn't ask your opinion on Santa.

Excuse me , I’m not a troll but just don’t get the big deal in all of this. Calling your partner a “ dick” and being aggressive just because of accidentally (?) letting them cat out of the bag? Wtaf...do you have nothing else to stress about? People become so obsessive over Christmas. He’s equally just as bad for having a tantrum as you are. She’s going to find out in the school yard anyways. What do you want to do? Hide the fact the man in the red pants isnt real till
she’s bloody 52???

FFS

I couldn’t get worked up over this. It’s like the tooth fairy crap.

Seven is the start of that 'iffish' age for Santa and I wouldn't be happy with someone intentionally bursting that bubble. But if someone had a 'brain fart' and said something without thinking I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, especially if the child didn't even notice.

Frankly, I'd be more upset about a grown man who throw tantrums. My Xmas present to him would be a brand new suitcase to pack his shit in and GTFO of my life. I can't be bothered with a man like that.

Anyways each to their own!

we loosely stick to the Santa 'story' in our house, but don't tell elaborate lies like some people do (the Santa's footprints, letters to North Pole etc) as I'm not keen on creating this gigantic lie (was actually really bemused and pissed off when I realised my parents had been lying to me) so we just talk about Santa casually and without huge conviction. My sister told my middle dd the truth about Santa when she was 8 and was so apologetic, but it was fine. She was more than old enough to know and let's be frank, it is a "lie" albeit a lovely little lie which is fairly harmless as long as it isn't dressed up too enthusiastically and extravagantly.

I would be really cross too, OP, especially when he didn't realise what the problem was. DH and I have talked presents in front of DD, in code, I'm sure she knows the truth really. Santa brings a sack of useful gifts (like toothpaste and pants/socks) and we put the bigger gifts from us/family under the tree.

They don't believe for long and 7yo is still quite young.

I don't think he was a dick at all, if anything you sound like the dick.
I'm sure he said it accidentally, almost every Xmas film mentions the possibility of Santa not existing, and there are references to stocking fillers absolutely everywhere. I'm sure most kids just turn a blind eye to it.

If I accidentally said that in front of my child and her dad mouthed shut up at me, THEN followed me out of the room to further berate me and ask me why I did it I would think that he was an absolutely massive arsehole. I would be fuming at him. I don't know if he would consider that to be a tantrum.

When you mouthed shut up I assume he did, why the hell did you feel the need to go and berate him further about it and assume it needed some kind of discussion or explanation as to why he said it?