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I sound bitter and jealous, but this is bothering me and I need to get it out! (sorry, long)

9 replies

4ameternal · 20/08/2007 22:10

AIBU? I think you'll all shout 'yes', but this is niggling away at me and I just need to let it out so it doesn't bother me any more.

My 3 year-old niece is just 3 is wonderful and gorgeous. She was the first grandchild/niece and everyone adores her, including me. My LO has just turned 1 - we had a party for her a couple of months ago. We had a family get-together at the weekend to celebrate my niece's birthday. My SIL smiled and thanked me when I handed over her present, but then made this massive song and dance about the presents given by her sister and my other brother and his partner, pointing them out to everyone and saying what lovely presents they were, getting her to open them in front of everyone. She didn't mention my present again, and although she asked my niece to thank my brother and her sister for her presents, she didn't ask her to thank me.

Also, when my LO turned 1 my brother gave her a book. A great book, kind of him, always glad to get books for DD and I'm not (usually) the kind of person who's competitive about presents. But he hadn't wrapped it up, and there was a definite air of 'oh shit, I need to get a present quickly' about it. Then he got my niece two beautiful dresses from a chi-chi shop in Hampstead for her third birthday, which my SIL had asked everyone not to make a big deal of.

I feel a little bit narked. And I feel horrible for feeling narked. It's not the first time my SIL has not thanked me for presents and I'm starting to feel a little bit paranoid. I know it's disgusting to feel jealous (is this jealousy?) of a toddler, but I feel a bit peed off on my DD's behalf that she wasbn't worth a lovely dress too, and I'm not worth a thank-you, even if my birthday present wasn't that great (having taken SIL's request seriously and not made a big deal)!

Now tell me I'm being an ungrateful cow and I should be glad I have a family at all. But I do feel better sharing this!

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 20/08/2007 22:17

i dont think yabu. i would feel upset, but int he grand scale of things id let it go - see what happens next yr.



UCM · 20/08/2007 22:18

You are being unreasonable, to be honest, as you should never do that 'her present is better stuff. The daughter of that family is probably closest to the MIL and there you will stay - behind.

Don't worry about it, you are bringing up your own lovely family.


Pesha · 20/08/2007 22:26

It does sound abit petty but i do understand how you feel.

I currently have the same issues with my family treating my own older 2 dc differently. On the same day my dad came round with a £15 thomas nightlight/torch for ds1s 4th birthday he offered to buy dd a new bike as an early birthday present and on sat morning took her out and spent £75 on a new bike for her! My mum and step dad also obviously favour dd over ds1. I dont want to deprive dd of gifts and visits with family and dont want to seem ungrateful for anything ds1 gets but it seems unacceptable to obviously favour one over the other. Dont know how you deal with it though!!


lisad123 · 20/08/2007 22:31

be grateful my MIL sent my DD a dorthery perkins voucher for her 2year bday


massivebigpantsface · 20/08/2007 22:33

I can see your point and think I would feel a twinge too, but at the same time what ucm said is true - focus on your little family - thats what is important and don't worry about the whole 'gift' thing - far too much is made of present giving these days imo.
When my dd is one I know my mil is going to go completely over the top and I suspect she will spend a fortune on her. My mum onthe other hand will probably spend about £15 maybe £20( after all what does a 1yr old need?). Both nans adore dd and I am extremely close with my mum but what does the present mean - nothing really.


massivebigpantsface · 20/08/2007 22:35

lisad - what's wrong with that - she can get a nice pair of work trousers or something

seriously though,, that is a bit odd [hmm}


cornsilk · 20/08/2007 22:36

It would bother me too, I'm the festering type - but agree with UCM. Concentrate on your family and try to let it go over your head if you can.


4ameternal · 21/08/2007 08:02

I know I'm being petty. I just wanted to dump it and then move on so it wouldn't niggle at me any more. Better to vent it than letting it fester.

OP posts:

4ameternal · 21/08/2007 08:12

Btw UCM, we're all related - this is the daughter of my brother, and my other brother who gave her the dresses. So my LO is part of the same family rather than being second best (I accept that in my SIL's family she wouldn't get a look in!)

I think I've worked out that it's not so much the presents, it's more the not thanking me for my presents that narks me, as this isn't the first time I've not been thanked.

That's all, parked, now I'll move on with my life and my lovely family as you so beautifully put it.

OP posts:
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