Nasty work colleagues

[DaniiSmith]

Ok so I’ve recently returned to work after having my first baby, I’m 25 I’ve been with the company for a long time and always quite enjoyed my job.
Since I’ve been back I’ve been met with nothing but hostility from the girls at work. They deliberately exclude me from outings, some of them go out of their way not to talk to me or give me very short answers and be happy and chatty with the rest of the team. There were also rumours going around work that I was pregnant again before I even returned.
Now, my company has always been a very Bitchy place, and I’ve always found myself gossiped about in some way, form or another and it never really bothered me. But as it happens, I have just become pregnant again and I’m finding this all really stressful. I’ve got these girls discussing my personal life, and even going as far to ask my partner if I’m pregnant. They sort of ruined my first pregnancy with all the rumours because I was putting on some weight and they pounced.

My partner is complete against me on this and believes I should keep my mouth shut and say nothing.
Am I being unreasonable? should I just accept that people are going to gossip and be hostile towards me for no reason and I should just get on with it?
Or do I have a right to say something to these girls?

Find another job.

It sounds like you have grown up and your colleagues haven't. I agree, time to move on to bigger and better things.

I wouldn't say anything to them either. Just go, do your job and come home.
They're bitches, you said so yourself. Do you really want to be invited out anywhere with them?

As you are already pregnant again, I wouldn’t advise moving jobs as this could impact your maternity pay.

Just keep your head down, be mature and professional. You don’t need to be in their clique and have more important things in your life. If they are regularly crossing a line with their behaviour start keeping a record (somewhere private) so you can escalate to management / HR if needed

Does your partner work there too? Why would he/she tell you to keep quiet??

What type of job is it? As a teacher I’ve spent most of my working life in a school and most of my colleagues have been very nice. I worked on a beauty counter as a student in a department store and it was so bitchy! I ended up temping in an office instead which was better.

Don’t bother with them. I know that sounds easy to say and very hard to do.

How long before you go on maternity leave?

I would go on ML as soon as I possibly could and start looking for another job.

Count the days down

Finding another job where the op will get the same maternity package may not be viable at this time.
Have you got an hr department you can talk to op?
Perhaps maintain a diary of this bullying to show hr(and dp?).
You should not be made to feel this way and it needs to be stopped.
Hope it does get sorted asap

It’s in hospitality, yes my partner Also works there and he is higher up. I’ve asked him to shut down the girls gossiping especially when they approach him with stuff about me and he sticks up for them! He’s afraid to rock the boat and be excluded, which is really frustrating which is why I want to take matters into my own hands.

I've noticed this a lot in my work too. Some of the older women are very dismissive when I've voiced my worries about my pregnancy. Even had one tell me that being pregnant is nothing compared to the menopause and that I should be more sympathetic to them.
Lots of my friends have disappeared- going out and not even inviting me. A lot of it is just thoughtlessness.
Someone once told me to never put more of myself in than work gives back. Try and stick it out so you get your maternity pay this time round, then look for a new job once you return.

Can you ignore and stick it out till maternity leave? They do sound horrible and maybe jealous and immature. I would be looking for a new job when you re next off if you plan to keep working after baby 2.
But I cant remember how mat leave works as my youngest is 25.
By the way I ve never worked anywhere where people were so nasty and not interested in a new baby!
Congratulations

It’s so nice to hear some one say congratulations, thank you.
Surprisingly it’s all the youngish mums who are the nastiest. I will stick it out just because I’m quite stubborn and won’t allow anyone to make me feel like I should leave my job. Hopefully I can find something else to fit around my partners schedule when I have baby number 2

...or maybe I’ll tell the ring leader to mind her own business and to focus on her own life and children and to stop being obsessed with my ovaries..

hopefully your company has a bullying policy that you can point them to. Repeated snide comments about pregnancy and excluding you for conversation or work outings would certainly fit.

Have a word with your manager about the discriminatory behaviour you are receiving and the 2010 equalities act.

Is your organisation large enough you could request to move branch? I’m thinking ahead for after your next lot of maternity leave too if you have to work x amount of months or pay back any enhanced pay.

They sound awful, I think the faux interested conversations with my partner whilst zoning me out would infuriate me the most.

Your workplace culture doesn't sound healthy at all and your partner seems to be in the same clique as those not being nice to you. That seems incredibly immature to me, not to mention downright horrid to not have your back!

However, I wouldn't move now - try and stick it out for the maternity leave pay and then look for another role as soon as you can.

Go to Hr. This is bullying.

Sorry to hear this, OP. But I’m not surprised. The world hasn’t evolved enough for women to be treated fairly in the workplace. I was warned by a workmate when I was pregnant to expect things to get worse for me when I returned to work after maternity leave. She was right. Shit state of affairs. YANBU but not sure what speaking up will actually achieve, sadly.

There were also rumours going around work that I was pregnant again before I even returned.

Were you? You say you’ve recently returned to work after maternity and that you are in fact pregnant.

Being bitchy is horrible, I totally agree. People finding out you’re pregnant when you are, is probably inevitable though.

I'm not an employment law expert. This may be bad advice.

But I would ignore the cows, take mat leave asap, find a new job once you go back to work. If they ramp it up I'd report, if that did nothing I'd go off sick with stress before mat leave. I wouldn't go to work and deal with that, that's not a nice environment.

It’s in hospitality, yes my partner Also works there and he is higher up. I’ve asked him to shut down the girls gossiping especially when they approach him with stuff about me and he sticks up for them!

I wonder who they get their info from...

I have questioned my partner on his reluctance to stick up for me and why the girls are so comfortable in asking him such personal questions. I’m only ever met with defensiveness and that I have trust issues. That one really is a loosing battle.

Sounds like you have a dh problem not a work problem.

I would definitely move jobs. Then at least you wont have to put up with your dh fuelling the flames

Don’t worry about it too much.
All the places I’ve worked there is always a bitchy groups.
At one point in my life I was bothered like you but it passed and now it doesn’t.

The fact you’re pregnant means you won’t have to put up with it for too long as you’ll be on mat leave again.

Sorry to hear you are having to do this OP but congratulations on your growing family! I do think your husband should support you and fight your corner though. He shouldn't be keeping the peace if you are being bullied.

When you were on maternity leave, did they have to take on all your work? Not saying that's an excuse for bullying but I wonder if colleagues often resent someone going on maternity leave because they get left with extra work. Your colleagues are horrible and you shouldn't have to keave because of them