Nasty work colleagues

[DaniiSmith]

Ok so I’ve recently returned to work after having my first baby, I’m 25 I’ve been with the company for a long time and always quite enjoyed my job.
Since I’ve been back I’ve been met with nothing but hostility from the girls at work. They deliberately exclude me from outings, some of them go out of their way not to talk to me or give me very short answers and be happy and chatty with the rest of the team. There were also rumours going around work that I was pregnant again before I even returned.
Now, my company has always been a very Bitchy place, and I’ve always found myself gossiped about in some way, form or another and it never really bothered me. But as it happens, I have just become pregnant again and I’m finding this all really stressful. I’ve got these girls discussing my personal life, and even going as far to ask my partner if I’m pregnant. They sort of ruined my first pregnancy with all the rumours because I was putting on some weight and they pounced.

My partner is complete against me on this and believes I should keep my mouth shut and say nothing.
Am I being unreasonable? should I just accept that people are going to gossip and be hostile towards me for no reason and I should just get on with it?
Or do I have a right to say something to these girls?

Well no, she doesn’t have to find another job right now, but I’d certainly do it as soon as was feasible.

They aren’t particularly happy with me because before I went on maternity I was working between 50-60 hrs a week, always have in the 7 years I’ve been there, and when I left they all snapped up my shifts. Now I’m back I’ve obviously had to be given shifts and I’ve only asked for 15 hrs and to work evenings. I’m guessing some of the girls days have been swapped or cut but I have no say in this. I got told I would get what I’m given and it would have to work around my partners rota.

Maybe they think that you get special treatment if your partner is higher up and are jealous?
I think your partner should be more professional and not be gossiping about you to other staff.

Is your partner your direct senior? He’s the issue here.

They do sound horrible.

I'm concerned about your partner's attitude though. Why isn't he supporting you?

Your DP is a big part of this problem. I work with my DH, and he would always defend me. We are a bit older (30s), so maybe it comes with maturity (I’m assuming he’s your age-ish but could be completely wrong of course!). Men do seem to take longer to grow up than women.

You’ll have to stick it out, go to HR and just leave at the end of your maternity leave. They’ve got your DP on side so this is not going to end I fear.

My partner is the assistant manager. The actual manager is awful. We live on site so this job is so easy for me, it’s literally across the road. The only trouble is we are completely under the thumb of the manager because our room comes with the job. And the actually manager isn’t a very nice person at all.
I never really escape my work, it’s literally in plain view from my window.
If someone offered me a place that I could afford to live with my two children and by myself I would take it and happily and walk away from this all.
But I’m frightened of not being able to support my babies alone.
So yes, my partner doesn’t support me but he loves his child and with him I don’t have to work as much and get more precious time with my baby.

I will stick it out just because I’m quite stubborn and won’t allow anyone to make me feel like I should leave my job.

what a strange thing to say, you sound like you have a dreadful attitude!

Your partner is higher up and needs to stay neutral, he sounds very professional. You are obviously part of the drama and he's trying to stay out of it - how can that be unreasonable.

Stop with the gossiping, get on with your work, ignore or don't answer personal questions, job done.

If your own higher partner starts to tell people off because of you, it's the others who can reasonably complain about bullying!

And time with my children really means a lot to me. It’s the only thing that keeps me together. They are literally all I have.

I work with my DH, and he would always defend me.

exactly why I would never accept to work for a small "family" business owner. It's very difficult to find a professional one.

Maybe your right, maybe I’m looking at this all wrong and I’m part of the problem!

However, asking him to shut down gossip isn’t what I’d consider bullying.
And refusing to leave a job I’ve been with for 7 years because of how people make me feel, I also wouldn’t consider a dreadful attitude.

But you are right, I should get on with my work and ignore the gossips and refuse to answer personal questions, thank you.

Is your DH the other women’s boss too? (They’re women not girls btw).

I think that dynamic is very much part of the problem. From what you’ve said he sounds awful - not sticking up for you, gaslighting that you have trust issues and not supporting you financially (if I read that right). Plus you don’t sound very keen on him anyway!

Can you look at what your finances would be if you left? Benefits/ child maintenance etc?

And refusing to leave a job I’ve been with for 7 years because of how people make me feel, I also wouldn’t consider a dreadful attitude

You have your own power here, because the simple fact in life is nobody can make you feel anything. You choose to feel something because of your own perception. You can change your perception and you can change what you give weight to. None of these people matter at all, only the child you tuck into bed every night and who I am sure loves you to pieces. So be strong, ignore it, do your job and if it escalates your partner should back you up but you need a record of examples, keep one, but keep your emotions out of it.

Say nothing to them. Do say something to HR and your manager.

@loseyourself
Thank you, my baby is my world I just want her to look up to me and know that her mum can stand on her own two feet.
Your words meant so much, thank you.

I can’t help but think you’ve got the balance all wrong here. You seem to be relying on a lot of factors outside your control to provide your stability. You shouldn’t have to live your life so beholden to others to ensure your own happiness.

I get you want to spend time with your babies, of course you do, but I also feel that you need a plan in place because the set up you’re describing sounds precarious. I think you might find you feel much more confident if you knew there was an option b.

That doesn’t mean uprooting yourself immediately just getting yourself heading in the right direction to have more options

If you’re only working 15 hours a week I imagine it wouldn’t make much of a difference financially if you did leave after the next maternity leave.

At a job I was in a few years ago, the women I worked with got very irritated when anyone went on maternity leave. For some bizarre reason they thought someone’s pregnancy was designed to piss them off

Anyway, one day a woman recently promoted went on maternity leave after having returned not long after the last leave. So many people bitched and moaned about how we were all ‘left in the lurch’ and how she was ‘taking the piss after being promoted’

Story conclusion: some people are narcissistic pricks who think other people’s lives revolve around theirs.

Congratulations OP - ignore those cunts. You’re entitled to having a baby and having leave. Enjoy your pregnancy and don’t give them the attention they crave. If it gets bad - report. There is usually absolutely no tolerance for bullying in most workplaces.

I will stick it out just because I’m quite stubborn and won’t allow anyone to make me feel like I should leave my job.

Good on you

what a strange thing to say, you sound like you have a dreadful attitude

you support someone being bullied out of their job ?