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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which friend is BU?

46 replies

Bizawit · 23/11/2019 09:50

Friends A & B have sons, aged 10, who are good friends. Friend B’s son went round to play with Friend A’s son. They live in zone 3 London, a short walk from each other. The boys were only planning to be at Friend A’s house a short while and then were supposed to hang out at Friend A’s house (I think because friend A has a play station - not sure). The boys ended up staying much longer with friend A than expected, which was fine with friend B.

At around 4pm friend A texted friend B to say her son would be back shortly. At around 5pm friend B started getting worried as the boys has not shown up. She needed to go out to move the car- her parking was running out. She sent A text asking when the boys were coming.

Soon after, friend A saw the calls and read the text and assumed friend B wanted her son home as quickly as possible and that’s why she was calling. She hurried friend B’s son to leave as she sensed friend A wanted him back asap, and sent friend B a text saying her son was on his way home.. Friend B didn’t see the text as she was driving.

Friend A checked her phone about 5 minutes later and saw friend B had not seen the text. She then called friend B. She knew she needed to text friend B to let her know her son was coming as friend B has no doorbell.

When friend B realised her son had left on his own, and was probably waiting outside the house in the dark, she got really angry. She started screaming down the phone at friend A, saying that friend A had put her son at risk.

Friend A thought this was really irrational and unfair: they had an agreement that the boys were coming to friend B and that friend B was at home. Friend B has form for unreasonably losing her temper at friend A, so this isn’t the first time this has happened. She was really hurt that she was being yelled at once again for something that she felt was friend B’s fault.

Friend A thinks that, given their agreement, friend B should have let her know if she was going out. Friend B claims she tried to call friend A several times, to tell her she was going out, and that friend A had already not stuck to the plan as the boys were supposed to come together earlier in the day. Friend B thinks friend A put the safety of her child at risk and had no right to let him leave without checking first that she was home.

Who is BU? Vote YANBU if you think friend B is being unreasonable. Vote YABU if it’s friend A.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bizawit · 23/11/2019 09:52

Argh sorry that should say the friends were only supposed to be at friend As house a short while and then we’re supposed to go back to friend B’s house, because friend B has a play station.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 23/11/2019 09:52

It all sounds like a bit of a mix up so the screaming and anger were totally unjustified.

WeirdCatLady · 23/11/2019 09:54

Your A and B got a bit mixed up in places, so it was hard for me to follow. To be honest both of you sound about 12 years old. You both need to calm the hell down and then apologise to each other and talk like grown ups. 🙄

bridgetreilly · 23/11/2019 09:54

Both. But especially you, friend A, for completely failing to write the post in an impartial way.

ohwheniknow · 23/11/2019 09:57

Next time give them fake names instead of A and B. It makes it easier to follow.

He's 10. Screaming about him being at risk is ridiculous. But from what I can gather both were a bit crap at communicating.

I still think it was a non event. Except the screaming.

cocoabasher · 23/11/2019 09:57

Bloody hell what nonsense. Both the situation and the post structure

MsJaneAusten · 23/11/2019 09:57

You’re blatantly friend A. Why did you not just write it from your angle?

It’s a breakdown in communication ‘tis all. I presume both boys are now safe? Next time just agree to actually speak on the phone - rather than text - when the boys are walking between houses.

Original poster
Bizawit · 23/11/2019 09:57

Yes sorry I should have given them names! It’s all very complicated- even confused myself writing it Confused

OP posts:
Newschapter · 23/11/2019 09:58

Omg I can't even follow it

I hate friend A and B nonsense.

Hahaha88 · 23/11/2019 09:59

I couldn't keep up with any of it. It's so difficult with all this a and b stuff

BlackSwanGreen · 23/11/2019 09:59

Friend B is in the wrong here. It was a genuine misunderstanding so no need for shouting and screaming.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/11/2019 09:59

Total breakdown in communication, too many assumptions, screaming probably caused by fear for kid's safety...

Neither was massively unreasonable, but I think on balance A wasn't keeping B properly informed about what the kids were doing so is more unreasonable.

BlackSwanGreen · 23/11/2019 10:01

But I agree it would be easier to follow if you got rid of A and B and just told us what happened. The A and B business is irritating.

Notthetoothfairy · 23/11/2019 10:01

Friend B is an overprotective twit. I wouldn’t bother with her again.

littlepaddypaws · 23/11/2019 10:02

which one were you op? if neither what was the point of the thread, the so called adults have to sort themselves out without the screaming and yelling, the boys sound more mature than friend A.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/11/2019 10:06

Friend B is an overprotective twit. - tbf we don't know what their neighbourhood is like after dark...

Stressedout10 · 23/11/2019 10:10

Friend A is in the wrong for saying that the boys were on route more than a hour before she made them leave and then not reading the texts or answering her phone when friend B is understandably worried that her son hasn't turned up after a hour!
Basically friend A is a t**t for causing this by not communicating with friend B

littlepaddypaws · 23/11/2019 10:11

may be i'm being dim but what was wrong with the mums phoning each other and actually speaking to sort it out ? texts can be cross posted and that causes confusion Confused

leghairdontcare · 23/11/2019 10:14

Literally no idea what happened or what the actual issue is? A 10 year old had to wait outside his house for a while - is that it?

SebandAlice · 23/11/2019 10:15

The op is very obviously friend a. She says ‘friend b has form for unreasonably losing her temper at friend a’

There is no way she wrote that about herself.

lanthanum · 23/11/2019 10:19

"At around 4pm friend A texted friend B to say her son would be back shortly. At around 5pm friend B started getting worried as the boys has not shown up."

There's the mistake. Most people would take that to mean that B's son is currently putting his shoes and coat on and setting off in a minute or two. You said a short walk between the homes. No wonder she was worried by 5, and was firing off texts and getting in the car to go looking. (You mentioned calls - did you miss a call from her at that point? I'd been going to say B might have been better to call than text, in case there was a simple explanation, but maybe she did.) So reaction later would have been fuelled by worrying. Most people overreact when they've been seriously worried.

If you send a text to say a kid is on their way, it needs to mean that. If something happens and they end up leaving later, you need to make a call to say so, before the other mum starts to worry.

MuddlingMackem · 23/11/2019 10:19

In this particular case A was definitely in the wrong, you don't sent a text saying the child is on the way and an hour later he's still at your house. No wonder B was worried.

If B has form for flying off the handle it may seem like yet just another case of this to A, but in this one I would say B was totally justified.

@littlepaddypaws
may be i'm being dim but what was wrong with the mums phoning each other and actually speaking to sort it out ?

B tried to phone, A didn't answer.

AmIScary · 23/11/2019 10:20

As someone not from London I don't understand the relevance of the zone 3 reference

Does it make a difference to the story?

Halo1234 · 23/11/2019 10:22

Friend b is bu for shouting. It was a miss communication. Noones fault. Noone is hurt. Should have been an omg what a mix up thanks for having him over conversation. Both should have had an internal cant let that happen again thought friend a saying next time I wont let him leave until his mum knows he is on his way home. And friend b thinking next time I will stay at home til I hear back. Friend a should have had her phone close by to see messages from friend b so that she can communicate about getting her son back.

ItsGoingTibiaK · 23/11/2019 10:32

As frustrating as they are to read, I quite like these ones where the OP tries (and fails) to anonymise the story as it just highlights how completely biased people’s accounts of situations are on AIBU.

Friend A, who gives regularly to charity and always tips the bin men at Christmas, sent a text to Friend B, who was once seen by several witnesses kicking a puppy...

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