To be really angry with ds friend?

[TheGreatElephantChase]

I've got two sons, 11yo and 6yo, 6yo is Thomas (not his real name).

11yo has a friend called Luke, they were best friends in Primary and now go to different secondary's but have remained friends. Luke has stayed at our house and vice versa.

Luke is seemingly a pleasant enough boy, but I've noticed he can be mean to ds1. For example if ds phone Luke to tell him something, Luke will tell him to go away and he's not interested and put the phone down. Once ds sent Luke a funny meme and Luke went crazy told ds to fuck off and stop sending him stupid shit.

Luke on the other hand phones ds over and over at all times of the day and night. Ds has lots of hobbies and if ds doesn't answer because he's out, Luke will phone repeatedly up to 20-30 times and get angry with ds for not answering. He gets annoyed with ds for doing his hobbies and tries to persuade him not to go. Ds does not harass Luke in this way.

I've spoken to ds about how I don't think it's a very healthy friendship. But ds wants to remain friends.

So today, ds was talking to Luke on the phone, Luke was on loudspeaker, ds little brother was trying to join in and Luke suddenly said "fuck you Thomas", to ds brother. Bearing in mind he only 6.

I'm furious and I feel I don't want this boy in my house again as he's got a spiteful streak.

I think this is more than just typical kids stuff.

He sounds awful. I would tell his parents what you have witnessed and ban him. Get your son away from him before he gets any older. Them both being at different senior schools makes it a lot easier.

I’d ring Luke’s parents and tell them that he is to stop.
Where does your son leave his phone at night ?

It sounds like either Luke has trouble understanding normal friendships, or he may simply not be be a very nice person. Either way, it would be good to help your own DS reinforce his own boundaries - even if there is a possibility that Luke has has some issue beyond simply being unpleasant, your DS & his younger brother do not need to tolerate being the subject of abusive language & possibly obsessive or controlling behaviour.

Yes, cool the friendship right off and get your son to slowly distance himself, perhaps even block his number

And yes, take his phone away at night!

This will sound so mean but I'd block his number!

Abusive and controlling, and nasty to boot.

You are right to be concerned.

I would not allow that relationship to continue.

If asked by the parents, I would say the constant calling and bad language is not what you want your son to be around.

End of.

Fill your son's teacher in. They need to know.

I would not want that child in my house.

Save yourself future grief and disengage now.

Ds has to leave it phone downstairs at night. I also check it. Ds knows this.

Some evenings were sitting watching tv and the phones ringing like mad and it's Luke.

I've talked to ds about boundaries. I've told him he doesn't have to tolerate anyone treating him like that. How it's not right to call people over and over and that's part of being responsible with your phone etc. The trouble is when Luke is being nice they get on like a house on fire.

Ds hasn't got lots of friends that he sees out of school so I've been reluctant to tell him not to see Luke.

There are other things such as Luke asking for ds new friends numbers from his new school. Luke being very spiteful to another girl from their old class.

Block his number and stop the friendship. Your son is really young and shouldn't be allowed to make the decision to continue an abusive friendship. I know you say you are reluctant as he doesn't see many friends outside school but that doesn't mean he should put up with unacceptable behaviour. You have to make a stand here.

If you don't cut contact with this child now you will regret this in the future. He sounds like he has a toxic personality and he will drag your son down with him. Your reluctance is understandable but misguided. Your son will make new friends.

There are other things such as Luke asking for ds new friends numbers from his new school.*

That's probably why he hasn't got many other friends. Luke is sabotaging them in order to keep control of your ds and keep him to himself.

I'd rather my son lose a friend than have this reprobate to boost up friend numbers. Seriously he is only 11, get involved and put a stop to it immediately. Your son is being abused!

Have you spoken to Luke's parents?

What the actual fuck,? He told a little boy "fuck you?". I would've taken that phone and hissed at him to never EVER speak to any of my children like that. Don't stand for that kind of shit op.

Both my dc had "friends" like this, it never gets better. they will drop your ds like a stone when they make new friends and it's a relief when they do.

You need to stand up for your child. Luke’s behaviour is not ok. Your DS is not old enough to deal with this.

11 Yr old DD had a a friend who sounds very similar to Luke. She was very controlling and intense so we stepped in and helped DD to cut all contact. Best thing we ever did and once DD was free of this 'friend' she genuinely blossomed and has gone on to form some lovely, healthy friendships with a wide circle of girls

Some evenings were sitting watching tv and the phones ringing like mad and it's Luke.

Did you ever just answer and tell Luke that DS can't come to the phone and he should not ring multiple times?

Speak to Luke's parents, even if it's just a text. Let them know what's happened today so they have opportunity to deal with it, that Luke is being very overbearing and controlling in general, and that you think the boys need a break from the friendship for a while.

Luke is a nasty bully, I'd be answering the phone to tell him to stop ringing and swearing at your children.

Ds1 cut out a friend who was awful to Ds2. Basically gave him a warning and told him if he treated Ds2 like shit again that would be it. They all walked to secondary school together.

This boy tried to then cyber bully Ds2 which we reported to school. The boy actually said to Ds1 I can't believe you didn't tell me your parents had reported it so I had a heads up. Ds1 said what part of my brother is my best mate do you not get?

That was the last straw. How people treat people they do not like is a real insight into their character. I was glad Ds1 had a backbone and cut him out.

You need to stop this friendship now. I would tell his Mum exactly why you are doing it and block the child's number. You have to protect both your sons, you cannot allow a child to speak to your 6 year old that way, nor allow your 11 year old to be at this child's beck and call. It is not a healthy relationship at all.

Block Lukes number and stop this friendship. It's abusive. DS1 is only 11 and needs protecting.

Nah Ds is 11 this is easy a new number for ds and block him on all social media inc playstation/xbox if they play together. If you want you can tell his parents you've done it and why but I wouldn't be too fussed about that.
I would be telling DS that Luke is probably working through some stuff but that you have a duty to protect your family from being someone elses verbal punching bag

Id answer the phone myself and ask Luke to stop ringing. The shock would probably be enough to stop him calling

He is very young to be dealing with such a nasty manipulative little shit. I can imagine it's very stressful and anxiety inducing for him. I still remember having a similar friend as a child. She would fall out with me over nothing and I'd be there begging her to forgive me and be friends again even though I hadn't done anything wrong in the first place. Stuff like that stays with you. So I'd be putting a stop to this friendship and protecting your son.