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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Turf My Cousin Out

100 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 22/11/2019 17:49

Backstory my cousin (24) has been staying with me for two months after a spectacular fall out with my aunt whilst she “gets on her feet”. I agreed to let her stay here rent free whilst she saves up for a deposit on a flat (rented) which should be achievable as she has an above minimum wage jobs and no other expenses aside from phone contract. Cousin has quite a bit of credit card debt (although I don’t know the full extent) which may impact affordability but before she moved in she assured me she would be saving £200 a week which would more than cover a small place (in the north). For full disclosure a few years ago I leant her £3k to buy a car to get to work, she paid me £1.5k back over 12 months and then stop as she “can’t afford it”.

Problem 1: I have quite a stressful job and I like to have a G&T 3/4 evenings a week (too much I know Grin) however whenever I have one cousin will ask if she can have one too. At first I said yes of course (as it seems incredibly mean to say no) but it’s now got to the point she’s gone through several bottles of my rather expensive gin (along with me, not by herself I might add), she occasionally says when I point out we’re running low “I’ll buy a bottle” but this has never happened. She has also eaten/drunk all my Diet Coke, coffee, cheese etc when our explicit agreement was that she’d buy her own food/snacks. Whenever I get a takeaway she will add on her order, promising the money which then never materialises. I have brought this up but ultimately I’m not going to sit there munching my Chinese while she looks on in envy.

Problem 2: I am extremely suspicious she is not saving any money and is planning on staying here long term (she has a pretty cushy deal). She’s a terrible spender so I offered to keep some money back for her if she gave it to me - she duly gave me £200 which I ended up giving back after 4 days. I have asked her if she’s saving as she often comes home drunk (clearly having been to the pub) and she assures me she is, but the flat she had secured for two weeks time has now “fallen through” and she’s asked to stay until after new year. I pointed out she owed me £1.5 still and she got very stroppy saying she’d sort it in the new year.

AIBU to tell her she needs to move out in two weeks as we agreed? On the one hand I feel mean as it’s so close to Christmas and perhaps she can’t afford a place of her own. On the other hand she clearly sees me as a soft touch and she’ll never learn unless she stands on her own two feet Confused

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 23/11/2019 12:18

She's been very unfair to you, expecting you to give her a home and food and money, without so much as a dollop of gratitude in return. The belief that anybody who had a better start than she did owes her is going to be very damaging to her, as well as anybody whose path she crosses; it's not the basis for healthy relationships or happiness. Sad

FelixFelicis6 · 23/11/2019 12:21

You definitely did the right thing!

BumbleBeee69 · 23/11/2019 12:51

wow... there you go OP.. she shown you who she s and exactly what she thinks of your kindness and generosity...

Well done for not tolerating this bullshit Flowers

fedup21 · 23/11/2019 13:08

What a cow-good kick to her finding some other poor sucker.

YourHandInMyHand · 23/11/2019 13:15

Two weeks is plenty of time to rent a room in a shared house or as a lodger. Stand your ground. She will be back after her tantrum and you need to stick to the two weeks and she's off.

TBH if she's been nasty and personal I'd not have her back in at all. I'd just change my latch lock and tell her you'll pack her stuff up for her. She can do a b+b for a few days while she gets a room rented somewhere.

carly2803 · 23/11/2019 13:52

if she has anymore stuff id pack it up and chuck it outside.

wel done OP!

AdoreTheBeach · 23/11/2019 14:03

OP

As she was supposedly saving to move out and had supposedly secured a flat for 2 weeks time, then surely she has the rent money. Therefore having given her 2 weeks notice, she’d not have any trouble finding some place to move to.

Don’t give in if she comes back apologising. Pack up the rest of her stuff and tell her she needs to collect by x date or the things are disposed of (or if you don’t want to do that, advise will be dropped st her mother’s home).

You’ve been more than accommodating.

Drum2018 · 23/11/2019 14:04

@BooFuckingHoo2 great update - she has actually thrown herself out Grin For the love of god do not let her back. If she does attempt to come back remind her of what she said and that you are no longer prepared to put up with her sponging and abuse. Agree with pp that you need to change the locks asap so she cannot just arrive in if she feels like it. It will be a small price to pay to have your home back to yourself .

flouncyfanny · 23/11/2019 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1Morewineplease · 23/11/2019 14:21

Glad to read your update OP.
Like others have said, make sure she can’t let herself back in.
Please try not to take her texts too personally, vile though they may be, she’s just reacting.
I’d leave her alone for a while then start sending regular reminders to pay her debt.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/11/2019 14:32

I've read your update @BooFuckingHoo2 - if she returns to collect her things, I'd be ready to present her with a bill for the food and drink that she has gone through since she began staying with you along with the £1500 outstanding on the loan (even if you think you'll never see it again) she has to understand that you're not a horrible person, you're trying to get her to be self-sufficient and that isn't an easy life skill and things don't ever get handed to anyone on a silver platter (at least no one who has grown up in the real world).

Best of luck!

DriftingLeaves · 23/11/2019 14:46

Well done, OP. Change the locks if she has a key.

Atalune · 23/11/2019 14:52

Stick your keys in the lock so she can’t use her keys.

Pack up the rest of her stuff and have it ready for her.

Cherrysoup · 23/11/2019 14:52

I’d be taking her to Small Claims court, too. She is properly taking the piss out of you.

HollowTalk · 23/11/2019 14:54

That was a great update! You must have been nuts as far as the rent-free stay, the gin and the takeaways were concerned! Learn your lesson with this one now.

HollowTalk · 23/11/2019 14:55

And enjoy your gin tonight!

RightYesButNo · 23/11/2019 15:02

I’m so sorry that she’s said such hurtful things to you, OP. Amazing how she thinks that you’re such a terrible person now that she’s able to piss off while she’s still got £1500 of your money? She can say what she likes - she stayed with you rent-free for MONTHS, took advantage of your kindness in a multitude of ways, and now is just kicking off in hopes you’ll feel guilty enough to back down. Don’t. It’s pathetic of her and I’m sure everyone who knows her sees through these tantrums by now. Change the locks and enjoy never running out of cheese, chocolate, or gin again unless you eat or drink it all yourself. Cheers!!! Gin Cake

AwdBovril · 23/11/2019 15:41

She obviously doesn't want to stay with such a person any longer then, does she? And will have no issues in housing herself as she's been saving up for ages. Definitely bag up her remaining stuff & change the locks.

User3421090989098 · 23/11/2019 15:57

She sounds delightful

billy1966 · 23/11/2019 16:11

Life is going to be very hard for someone so entitled.
One would think she would appreciate such kindness.

I wouldn't care how close of a family member she was, she wouldn't get away with that from me.

Unfortunately she indeed has seen you as a very soft touch.

Definitely key in the door so she can't get back in.

I would change the lock barrel as soon as her stuff is gone.

Users like that often run out of mugs and return to their last soft touch.

Well done for telling her.💐

Tistheseason17 · 23/11/2019 22:51

Change locks then have a nice gin on your own!

CoraPirbright · 27/11/2019 00:01

Any update OP? Has the free loader gone?!

IndefatigableMouse · 27/11/2019 00:10

I was going to suggest she pays rent, and after a few months give her half of it back as a deposit to move out and have the other half as your 1.5k! However if she’s gone, she’s gone.

Don’t feel bad, you were very generous.

CustomerCervixDepartment · 27/11/2019 00:40

Paste an auto reply into any texts, just the same over and over ‘you will not be in my property as of December 5th (or whatever), any further contact, unless about the repayment of my one and a half thousand pounds, will be harassment from now on, and as such, reported to the police.’
Any verbal abuse will mean instant removal from your property. There’s no issue here unless you allow it.

Moominfan · 27/11/2019 16:13

What a gritty person she's trying to manipulate you. You've been more then kind. Don't know many people who would let someone lodge rent free x

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