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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Turf My Cousin Out

100 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 22/11/2019 17:49

Backstory my cousin (24) has been staying with me for two months after a spectacular fall out with my aunt whilst she “gets on her feet”. I agreed to let her stay here rent free whilst she saves up for a deposit on a flat (rented) which should be achievable as she has an above minimum wage jobs and no other expenses aside from phone contract. Cousin has quite a bit of credit card debt (although I don’t know the full extent) which may impact affordability but before she moved in she assured me she would be saving £200 a week which would more than cover a small place (in the north). For full disclosure a few years ago I leant her £3k to buy a car to get to work, she paid me £1.5k back over 12 months and then stop as she “can’t afford it”.

Problem 1: I have quite a stressful job and I like to have a G&T 3/4 evenings a week (too much I know Grin) however whenever I have one cousin will ask if she can have one too. At first I said yes of course (as it seems incredibly mean to say no) but it’s now got to the point she’s gone through several bottles of my rather expensive gin (along with me, not by herself I might add), she occasionally says when I point out we’re running low “I’ll buy a bottle” but this has never happened. She has also eaten/drunk all my Diet Coke, coffee, cheese etc when our explicit agreement was that she’d buy her own food/snacks. Whenever I get a takeaway she will add on her order, promising the money which then never materialises. I have brought this up but ultimately I’m not going to sit there munching my Chinese while she looks on in envy.

Problem 2: I am extremely suspicious she is not saving any money and is planning on staying here long term (she has a pretty cushy deal). She’s a terrible spender so I offered to keep some money back for her if she gave it to me - she duly gave me £200 which I ended up giving back after 4 days. I have asked her if she’s saving as she often comes home drunk (clearly having been to the pub) and she assures me she is, but the flat she had secured for two weeks time has now “fallen through” and she’s asked to stay until after new year. I pointed out she owed me £1.5 still and she got very stroppy saying she’d sort it in the new year.

AIBU to tell her she needs to move out in two weeks as we agreed? On the one hand I feel mean as it’s so close to Christmas and perhaps she can’t afford a place of her own. On the other hand she clearly sees me as a soft touch and she’ll never learn unless she stands on her own two feet Confused

OP posts:
Grumpelstilskin · 22/11/2019 19:31

Turf her out. She can move into some cheap flatshare fairly quik. In the interim, she can use a super cheap Travellodge etc.

Grumpelstilskin · 22/11/2019 19:31

*quick

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/11/2019 19:34

I think you'll have to kiss goodbye to your £1500. Either way you'll never get it.

A - you let her stay in the hope she'll pay you back, but she'll continue not to pay towards food or gin, not save anything and you'll not get your money back

B - ask her to leave, she'll get the hump, but leave and you'll not have to pay towards her food and find and you'll not get your money back

dontalltalkatonce · 22/11/2019 19:39

Yeah, your 1.5k is gone.

Moominfan · 22/11/2019 19:40

People like her pray on people like you op. She'll just keep taking. Stop throwing away perfectly good money chasing what's gone

Drum2018 · 22/11/2019 19:42

Get her out asap. She's well and truly overstayed her welcome and screwed you over. She's a tight CF! Don't be fobbed off by sob stories or pleading for a chance to stay on longer. At the end of the day she can always crawl back to her mother and beg for her to help her out. She is not your responsibility?

AllyBamma · 22/11/2019 19:44

Hmm I’m afraid you sound like a complete doormat OP. You know she’s completely sponging off you and you’re allowing it to happen. Surely you know that or you wouldn’t have posted. The power to end this situation (or not) is completely in your hands. Either give her her marching orders and enjoy your personal space, food, gin, money etc...
Or continue to enable her and and fund her lifestyle and continue to put up with it all. She’s taken you for an absolute mug.

Mumtotwo82 · 22/11/2019 19:46

Sorry but this isn't going to get better. I would let her know when the deadline is and stick to it. Otherwise you just resent her sponging of you more and more. I doubt you are going to see you 1.5k sorry Hmm

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 22/11/2019 19:58

OP I totally agree with the other posters..get shut as soon as.She is 24 old enough to know whats right and whats not.You are doing her no favours by letting her stay.She needs to grow up fast and stand on her on two feet like you do.like everyone else has to.She is only treating you like shit now cos you are letting her...get rid let her be someone elses problem and get your life back.

CoraPirbright · 22/11/2019 20:26

What a sponge!! I would paraphrase your posts here into clear bullet points, email it to her, remind her of the moving out date & kick her out!!

KTheGrey · 22/11/2019 20:31

She can go home to her mother. You won't be making her homeless. Quite baffled by why you let her stay at all, really?

holly40 · 22/11/2019 20:42

You've been very kind to let her stay at all. She's taking advantage. I'd give her notice to leave, and stick to it. She can make her own arrangements from there - she's a grown adult with her own income and connections.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 22/11/2019 20:49

Thanks all!

I have made peace with never seeing the 1.5k again.

She has fallen out with her mum because of her mums new boyfriend. For context she has never known her dad and has had a sporadic upbringing. Her mum is certainly no saint!

Equally I feel like my cousin does massively play the sympathy card

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/11/2019 20:55

She’s twenty fucking four. Lots of people have difficult upbringings. That’s not carte blanche for being a using arsehole.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 22/11/2019 21:03

She has her own job, is living rent free and cant even chip in for a takeaway? She is being a massive CF. She has to go. Asking her for things isn't going to suddenly make her develop a conscience

Wattagoose90 · 22/11/2019 22:19

Yeah she's playing you for a fool. She'll never move. I agree you're not being unreasonable to turf her out on the original planned date but it's sitting really badly with me that she still has your 1.5k and seems to think that's absolutely fine.

If it were me, I'd actually extend the deadline with a plan...

Get a written contract in place that confirms she owes you 1.5k and will repay x amount per week until its paid. Doesn't matter if it's £10 per week for 3 years, it's the principle. Small claims court threat if she doesn't.

Get that £200 from her weekly and save it up so she can't spend it and absolutely has enough to move when the deadline is up.

As for the other stuff, tell her she's being cheeky and she owes you enough takeaways and enough gin, the next few are on her.

I agree with the other posters that her circumstances don't give her a permanent excuse.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/11/2019 22:34

She got stroppy?

She goes. ASAP.

She's a thoughtless leech and you will get no thanks for any of this.

Go after the 1.5k.

BumbleBeee69 · 22/11/2019 22:44

you've been way too kind OP, but if you willing to keep throwing good money after bad then so be it...

alternatively, tell her to move back home.. asap

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/11/2019 22:48

You know, I know, we all know, you'll continue to let her mug you off.

She owes you 1.5k, she's eating all your food, drinking all your gin, not paying her way, and obviously not saving. Yet you've continued to allow it for ages without saying anything
We'll see you back on here in 2020, still moaning but not doing anything about it

This ^^

1Morewineplease · 22/11/2019 22:53

She’s a sponge... you’ll never get anything back.
You’re a doormat.. you need to get rid. No excuses. Give her one week.
You’ve been used and abused. Call her out.

alexdgr8 · 23/11/2019 00:40

least said the better.
just tell her to go.
set a date, very soon.
keep repeating it.
don't discuss anything.
do not engage. stand firm. broken record repetition, you need to leave.

AwkwardFucker · 23/11/2019 06:53

If you wanted to chuck her out you would have done it long before now. She’s a user, and you know it.

But you won’t turf her out, you’ll just continue to put up with it and then complain about it.

Butchyrestingface · 23/11/2019 06:59

I can’t believe you let her stay when she already owed you so much money!

This. Never mind your cousin needing to learn, OP, you need to learn! Get rid.

As for the reason she gave you for the fall out with mummy, I think it’s more likely her mother has got her number.

AlwaysCheddar · 23/11/2019 07:52

Stop being a mug and having her treat you like shut. She’s got to go before Christmas, end of. She’s a cf.

Vulpine · 23/11/2019 08:01

Blimey - why did you lend her so much money and a gin 3 or 4 nights a week is perfectly within the recommended limit

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