When is it time to make my kid see a therapist?

[dinotrucks]

I have namechanged for this thread. My 7yo old boy jumped down a stairs and hurt his angle two weeks ago (in school). He had to go to the hospital.
Unfortunately it wasn’t the first time he acted without thinking first.
One his first day back in school his teacher said he needed to talk with me and said he thinks my boy needs therapy because of his risk taking behaviour and he thinks my boy might have ADD or something else and would benefit from seeing a therapist.
My son is doing well in school, he has lots of friends. He is a bit talkative , he likes to wrestle/mock fights with otherworldly but would never hurt somebody on purpose. He sometimes curses.
Apart from that I think he is a good boy, he is great with his siblings and I think he has a lovely personality.

I felt quite sad when the teacher told me. I felt like there is something wrong with our family. Dh is seeing a therapist for ptsd. I am sometimes unhappy with my life.
I am feeling really unhappy and wonder if we messed him up now.

BTW the teacher has no idea that dh has ptsd and still asked questions if there was anything wrong in our family. I told him there wasn’t anything wrong. Should I have told him? I thought it wasn’t a good idea and I actually thought it was none of his business.

sounds like teacher is full of crap

Really.
Actually I do feel that my boy does not need to see a therapist. He is really extroverted, he sometimes uses foul language, he often acts without thinking first... but to me he seems to be a happy boy.

Dh was feeling suicidal in the past. We never told the boy but we wondered if he noticed anyway.
I know there are some parents who make there children see a therapist when there is mental illness in the family but we never believed it a good idea.

The first step would be to go to the GP and seek their view. If you trust teachers to look after your child surely you should trust their supportive advice? If there's no extra support needed for your son- nothing is lost, but if there is he will miss out if you don't take professional advice.

Has any of you been there and asked a gp for advice? Actually I would feel horrible to have to do that. Like a failure as a mother and like a traitor to my son (and to my dh blaming him of having caused this).

I think you need to speak to the school senco and ask for their advice. Your son’s teacher will have experienced the behaviour of lots of 7 year olds and will know if their behaviour is in the realms of NT or not.

Why would you be a failure for seeking support for your child? IMO it’s the parents who have been told their child needs support and don’t seek it who are failing their children.

It’s hard for us to know whether the teacher is right as we don’t know your son. But, there’s nothing shameful about having therapy and it doesn’t make you a failure as a parent. It might be worthwhile if it can help your son now and address any problems while he is still young.

Has any of you been there and asked a gp for advice?

Yes I have no regrets no guilt.

Actually I would feel horrible to have to do that. Like a failure as a mother and like a traitor to my son

Your issues shouldn't prevent the child getting help. Don't project your things onto a simple request by the teacher.

(and to my dh blaming him of having caused this).

No one said that apart from you!? Additional needs are not 'caused' by PTSd...

@selfsettling: Because I think that there might be the possibility that he does not need support but acceptance for what he is so to speak.

When I was growing up I was very different from him. I was very shy. That only changed when I was a teenager. My folks wanted me to be more open, wanted me to be great pals with random strangers and so on... but I felt comfortable being the person I was... and felt unhappy that they seemed not to be pleased with how I was. They never made me see a therapist but I felt that my parents wondered what was wrong with me and wished I was different. I would have been heartbroken if my parents had asked a doctor why I was so shy.

Then he needs to be assessed by CAMHS to see if he does need support.

@Purpleframes Dh is afraid he might have caused it.

My ds is seeing a play therapist at 3.5yo. We went through losing a baby and although we kept it away from ds it has affected him. Please dont underestimate what your ds senses, knows and picks up from you and your dh. Your ds is 7 and certainly able to understand much more than you think.

you said your dh was suicidal, you really dont think your ds picked up on the energy around that? It would cost nothing to get an assessment and put your mind to ease.

I certainly don't see my ds at 3.5yo being in therapy as a failure. I was depressed for a while and whilst I kept on a happy face, my ds sensed it.

He is doing amazing at therapy. The therapist said it's the best thing we could have done for him.

Ok if we suspend reality for a bit and say 'yes your DP being depressed caused your sons difficulties' why would you not get your son support? Keeping it quiet won't improve his future and outcomes...

My DS1 and DD1 are in therapy, they’re 6 and 5. It’s due to a breakup between me and their dad. I don’t see it as a failure at all, I’m actually proud that I listened to my DC’s needs and got them the help they deserved. If I were you I’d go to the GP and see what they think, you can go from there

Thanks for sharing. Yes, my dh was suicidal but we never told the boy and he tried very hard not to let the children notice.
My dh, because of having ptsd, sometimes has a fight-or-flight modus. Know what I mean? For example he often walks very fast and sometimes jumps down stairs... but he knows how do do this and never hurt himself (plus has longer legs of course).

Did your son tell other children? How did they react?

@dontlickthelamp Same question: How did. other kids react?

A diagnosis of anything isn't a failure of parenting and if your son needs help parental reluctance to seek an assessment will be detrimental to him. The teacher could be right or wrong who knows? Why not do as others suggested and approach the SENCO at school or your doctor? It's not about you or the family it's your child if he needs help and struggles it'll affect his friendships and his education.

Again I'm saying op, your dh might have thought he seemed normal but children are way more intuitive than we think.
What is the harm in getting an assessment done?
I'm not sure if the question about telling other kids was for me but my ds is too little to understand its therapy. But we have told those close to us and school knows. We want to send the message to ds, that if he needs help he shouldnt ever feel ashamed/scared to ask.

I don’t think there’s a link between fight/flight response and jumping down stairs and walking quickly....
Though perhaps your son is just copying your husband when he jumps down stairs?

So ds jumping down the stairs is something his dad does? First of all seeing a therapist isn't a shameful thing. DS does because of his own PTSD. Second of all, why do you think it will be a negative experience? This seems more about you and your dh's hangups than about your ds. Your job is to look out for ds. You've been told it would be a good idea. Even if it is related to your dh, why would you ignore that???

Your post is a bit confusing.
Are you saying your child is exhibiting worrying behaviour and you need help dealing with that or investigating a cause?
Teachers don’t generally suggest counselling for suspected ADD. I think you may be mistaken. An assessment?
Weird that you refer to him as “the boy”. And yes children will notice if behaviour seems odd or out of character.

It is hard to hear but best ask your GP for a referral.
If he has it will enable you and your family to take action, get the tools to help him prepare before the teenage years arrive, the lists are long.
If you can I'd go private.

Yes, dh jumping down stairs, jumping down thinks is something his father does but he has told the boy not to do it himself until he has learned how to prevent getting injured.
When dh feels uncomfortable in a place he often gets a flight or fight reaction and tries to get away from the place as soon as possible which includes using short cuts such as jumping down things.
For example when we were out with the kids he told me several times he was going a shortcut and that we should take the normal way. He knows how to jump without hurting himself.

DS however does not know his Daddy does this because he is feeling uncomfortable or feeling afraid. He just thinks what Daddy does is cool and wants to emulate.