When is it time to make my kid see a therapist?

[dinotrucks]

I have namechanged for this thread. My 7yo old boy jumped down a stairs and hurt his angle two weeks ago (in school). He had to go to the hospital.
Unfortunately it wasn’t the first time he acted without thinking first.
One his first day back in school his teacher said he needed to talk with me and said he thinks my boy needs therapy because of his risk taking behaviour and he thinks my boy might have ADD or something else and would benefit from seeing a therapist.
My son is doing well in school, he has lots of friends. He is a bit talkative , he likes to wrestle/mock fights with otherworldly but would never hurt somebody on purpose. He sometimes curses.
Apart from that I think he is a good boy, he is great with his siblings and I think he has a lovely personality.

I felt quite sad when the teacher told me. I felt like there is something wrong with our family. Dh is seeing a therapist for ptsd. I am sometimes unhappy with my life.
I am feeling really unhappy and wonder if we messed him up now.

Posted way to soon.
Calling your DS the boy sounds strange.

I’d be worried that if I didn’t follow up on the teachers suggestion it may be viewed as neglecting the child’s needs.
What happens if he has a serious accident and the teacher challenges you for not seeking help?
I don’t know much about the process but seeing the GP feels like a sensible first step.
There’s no harm in getting further advice and then deciding how to move forward.

Jumping down stairs? Dad does it so he does it. He’s copying.
DH needs to sort out issues.

I don’t think they’ve told other children, but I imagine at that age the other children wouldn’t be that interested in it. It shouldn’t matter really what other kids say though, this is about helping your DS.

English is not my native language. In my first language we say the boy (not that I really think it matters. It is just a word). Sorry, I didn’t realize it was unusual when speaking English.

I don't know that he necessarily needs a therapist but what he does need is professional assessment to try and get to the bottom of his behaviour in order to find out how best to support him.

Perhaps he is struggling emotionally, perhaps he is not neuro-typical and something like ADHD might be at play, or perhaps something completely different is going on. The best approach to helping him will very much depend on the root cause.

Your GP should be your first port of call and there is absolutely no shame in seeking help.

What does your DH’s PTSD stem from, and what was he like before it?

ADD and ADHD are medical issues that can be treated. They are not caused by your parenting.
It could be possible that your DH might have similar issues that are undiagnosed and contributing to his mental health issues.

Talk to your GP

@Wilmalovescake His PTSD is from the military and he did not feel uncomfortable in certain places before he had it so that he did not feel the need to get away from the places and did not have a flight response. However he knows the place actually is safe or he would not abandon e and the kids there. He just thinks not staying there is better then panicking. But we decided not to tell the kids.

However I know dh was in trouble for always wrestling with other boys in school and the teachers saw it as a problem but nobody ever suggested a therapist.

I need to go and pick up one of my kids now.

So firstly children pick up way more than you would realise and are not able to process underlining tension, therefore he knows that something is not right at home (the ptsd) but is too young to know how to handle it

The thing that jumped out is that you said he sometimes used foul language- this is very very much not typical for a child of this age

I think that the teacher is actually trying to help and it would be a good idea to tell her about your husband and the ptsd. She might be able to recommend someone to talk to

Would the teacher be allowed to tell other people if I tell him?

Why are you so ashamed of this? Who are you worried the teacher will tell?

OP, I agree with a previous poster that it would be better for your son's school to know about your DH's condition. A parent with a significant mental health issue is a major life event for any child- even if they haven't been told about it, children pick up on changes in atmosphere from a very young age. If your son's school understand more about his lived experience and what life is like for him at home they are more likely to understand his behaviour and be able to support him effectively. I work with young people with various social, emotional and mental health issues- the more we know about them and their family lives the better position we are in to meet their needs . No one on this thread can tell you whether your son has ADHD traits or not, so the Teachers suggestion to seek an assessment by a qualified professional is sensible. But it important to note that if a child has experienced difficult life events they can present with symptoms very similar to ADHD but are actually due to trauma. So it's important that any professional assessing your son understands that he has a parent with a significant mental illness and any other important life events that may have impacted on him.

I wonder OP if you come from a culture which is less accepting of mental illness and indeed of neuro-diversity? You seem very anxious to ensure that no-one, including your child, knows of his father’s PTSD, and you also seem keen to brush away the possibility of your son being assessed.
One of my children is autistic and has also just been diagnosed with ADHD. My child is on the surface extremely outgoing and bouncy, very bright, very articulate, has very good sustained concentration. I can’t tell you the number of people who have suggested that the diagnoses are nonsense because my child doesn’t fit the standard profile. But they’re not - at other times my child behaves in a way that they can’t control and reacts to things in a way that their peers don’t. If the teacher thinks that your child’s behaviour is out of the ordinary, either against his peer group or against his own previous behaviour, listen to them. They will have seen a lot of children and they would not lightly suggest that a child may need professional help.
I understand that the process may seem invasive but what matters is that your child gets help if they need it. My child knows their diagnosis, talks openly about their therapy appointments and the other children know that if my child is angry or aggressive, it is because they are not able to control and regulate their emotions not because they are mean or spoilt.

I have adhd that went undiagnosed until I was an adult and looking back it was pretty obvious, throughout my teenage years especially, that I needed help and I'm still angry, even more so now that I'm a parent myself, that none of the adults in my life tried to get me the help that I needed and I often think about how different things would have been if they did.

@wooleytoes May I asked you how it showed?

Consistently risky, dangerous behaviour with no thought for consequences is a characteristic of ADHD. My nephew has it and that was one of the first things his parents were asked about when he was diagnosed. If your son's teacher has noticed this trait in him, it probably is worth taking him to the GP and asking about getting him assessed.

ADHD doesn't mean your son is traumatised or emotionally hurting or anything like that, though - it's just something that some kids have. My nephew has several siblings who have been brought up in exactly the same environment as him and none of them have ADHD, just him.

1 in 4 people will experience a MH issue at some point in their life OP. It's not a failure for them or for your parenting it's just life & it's struggles. If he's generally happy & his behaviour isn't worrying or unusual I'd not be too worried. The cursing I would sort, small children shouldn't hear, learn or use that sort of language & he's not going to be popular with teachers & parents if he carries on. You don't want him to be 'that' child that teachers find difficult (it will encourage other children to use bad language) & people don't want to have at sleepovers & birthday parties.

First, ADD/ADHD or any other SEN is not caused by a parent having any illness but it can make the behaviour worse.

DD had a diagnosis of borderline ADD when 6 and is now, age 12, starting assessment for ASD. While I have depression and she clearly recognise that sometimes I am down there is no reason to believe that my depression has anything to do with her having SEN in the first place.

An appointment with your GP is the first step. We found the help with her ADD assessment very helpful, it helped us understanding how she ticks and how to deal with her behaviour.

Your DS may simply copy behaviour your DH shows, he also will unknowingly pick up on his mood, children get more than you think. even if there is no SEN diagnosis he may benefit from a therapist showing how your DH is and explaining it in a child-appropriate way. Often children think they are the reason for adult's behaviour.

No therapist wants to change a child's personality. It is to enable them to live their life while taking into account that they may have issues otheres don't have.