If anyone can help I’d be grateful, I’ve not slept for worry all night 😢 it’s about school mums so bear with me! Sorry it’s long!!
DS1 (6) has been friends with a boy since nursery. As a result I’m friendly with his mum. We’ve done play dates, sleepovers, meals out, she’s even my hairdresser.
On Saturday it was her sisters birthday and she asked if I’d have her son overnight which was fine.
Sunday morning DH asked the boys to all tidy up and he’d take them to the park for a game of football as a reward.
He went to check on them and witnessed DS2 (4) picking the toys up and the two lads sitting on the bed watching him. DS2 said to the boys to help tidy when this boy called DS2 over and said he had a secret to whisper in his ear. My trusting baby got up and went straight over, at which point this boy shines the desk lamp directly in his eye and head butts him and DS1 kicked him. DH told both boys off and we were really upset that DS1 would do this to his little brother. He’s now responsible for doing all the tidying for both them for a week, lost his kindle and ps3 and banned from play dates for the foreseeable. We simply said to the other boy we’d have to tell his parents.
When I dropped him off his mum was on the phone, she asked if he’d behaved and I said generally he had however we’d had an incident with him and DS1 bullying DS2. I told her I was mainly holding DS1 responsible as it was his brother but I had to tell her as I’d definitely want to know if DS1 did this to her younger son. As she was on the phone she basically said I’ll talk to him and shut the door on me.
I expected her to call me/message/approach me to ask for the full details but nothing. Then yesterday she messaged saying she doesn’t believe her son would ‘bully’ mine and she was going to separate him from the situation as much as she could.
I messaged back explaining the full incident and explaining they generally play well and even if it’s rough play it’s not bullying but this incident crosses the line with 2 bigger boys luring over a smaller to hurt him and explained we’ve come down hard on DS1. I also said I’ve no desire to treat this as more than 6 year olds learning to appropriately act with each other but if she wants to separate her son, this is her choice.
No reply. Completely ignores me. Then messages on a group message for a Christmas meal for the mums saying her dad will collect us now. DH was due to do this. I know it’s a not so subtle way to convince me to drop out.
Am I being unreasonable? I haven’t shouted or kicked off or told her son off. I haven’t said he’s a bad kid and I’m accepting my child was just as bad, in fact I said I held him more responsible. I never usually say a word about children’s behaviour and after play dates always assure the parent their child behaved beautifully even if this perhaps isn’t true (I think we’ve all done this!) but due to the severity I felt I couldn’t not mention this particular incident. I’m dreading school pick up today. I’m so anxious.
To be honest if someone accused my child of bullying I’d immediately ask what had happened and apologise for how he’d behaved at her home. Instead, without any details of the incident, she’s declared her son wouldn’t bully mine which leaves us in an awkward position. I haven’t bought it up again and didn’t want this to be a huge deal, they’re kids! I can see now this is going to cause problems and I’m upset that it’s gone this way.