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Would you have been offended.....?

29 replies

Goodnightjude1 · 20/11/2019 18:54

My best friend (of 23 years) has recently had a baby. He is her first and I feel like I gave her a lot of help and support throughout her pregnancy and I still am, happily I might add!
She’s always been conscious of her weight and has spent years doing various diets...sometimes losing loads, sometimes not so much.
I had my youngest 9 years ago and after he was born I ballooned to18st 4lbs and was miserable. I felt embarrassed to have pictures taken with my son and virtually hid at home, not attending baby groups or seeing friends. When he was 7 months old I decided to join WW. Over the next 18 months I lost just over 7 stone. The plan suited me and I felt so much better in myself.
My friend was over today and was complaining about the weight she’d gained and I suggested WW (obviously she knew I’d been and that it had worked for me) I said I’d like to lose around a stone so would be happy to come along with her if she wanted. Anyway, she went very quiet and things seemed awkward for the next hour until she made an excuse to leave. She’s just sent me a message saying “Thanks for the offer to escort me to Fat Club but I’m sure I’ll manage”
Did I say something wrong? I wasn’t boasting about my weight loss and it was her that brought the topic up.
I feel awful to think I might have unintentionally upset her.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ItsGoingTibiaK · 20/11/2019 18:56

I suspect she was fishing for a "Nonsense, you don't need to lose any weight!" rather than practical advice. Absolutely not your fault!


abouttime2 · 20/11/2019 18:56

I think she was probably looking for a difference response from you to be honest.

She was most likely hoping you say 'don't be silly, you don't need to loose any weight'


abouttime2 · 20/11/2019 18:57

Lose. Not loose !


bluebellforest · 20/11/2019 18:58

Honestly, you haven't said anything wrong.
Her reaction is down to her insecurities and hang ups about her weight.
She will probably realise what a dick she has been and apologise.


FreedomfromPE · 20/11/2019 18:59

I'd say that was insensitive of her, knowing your history. BUT if she has recently had a baby the only response is really to tell her she's doing just fine. You just took her fears probably fuelled by lack of sleep and agreed with them.
Leave it for a few days for her to calm down then perhaps offer an olive branch for her nasty comment


Ponoka7 · 20/11/2019 19:00

I think she wanted you to say "don't worry about it, you've just had a baby". Not offer practical advice.

Just let this blow over.


KittenLedWeaning · 20/11/2019 19:02

How overweight is she? If she's not enormous and still within a range where she is, or can pretend to herself that she is, a healthy weight, she was probably looking for you to say she didn't need to lose anything.


Goodnightjude1 · 20/11/2019 19:03

Phew....I’m glad nobody thought I was out of order. I think you’re probably right, she was hoping for me to tell her she looked fine. She does look fine though....considering she’s had next to no sleep for weeks she looks incredible and I told her that!
I’m hoping it was hormones and lack of sleep talking and she’ll realise it was a suggestion made from experience and with love.
Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

Stegosaurus1990 · 20/11/2019 19:03

I think you were trying to be helpful and she’s more sensitive than usual.


Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2019 19:04

She's just taking her self-loathing out on you.


BJsHair · 20/11/2019 19:06

I wouldn’t have been offended. You offered practical advice in response to her whining.


Livelovebehappy · 20/11/2019 19:06

Maybe she thought she had put weight on, but doesn’t feel overweight iyswim. In which case you suggesting weight watchers would then obviously make her think she’s put more on than she thought. It’s something I would have probably said without thinking.


messolini9 · 20/11/2019 19:08

“Thanks for the offer to escort me to Fat Club but I’m sure I’ll manage”

As you well know, friend of 23 years, I gained a lot of weight after DS, & attended WW in order to lose 7 stone. Considering you already know that I've been on this road, & that I also told you I'd like to lose a little weight again now, I have no idea why you are being arsey. If you don't want to go to WW, that's fine, but please don't snap at me because I made a perfectly reasonable suggestion, & offered mutual support."


yadayadayesokay · 20/11/2019 19:08

You say she only recently had a baby. I think maybe the response could have been more like ‘don’t be silly, you’ve just had a baby!’ Most women feel insecure about their post baby bodies but I would have emphasised that now is the time to take care of herself and the baby, and give her body time to recover. Then maybe your suggestion of WW months down the line if she still felt the same.


Quartz2208 · 20/11/2019 19:09

I found her response far more offensive than yours!


CryptoFascist · 20/11/2019 19:09

Apparently 103% of people think you're NBU. Grin

Would you have been offended.....?

CSIblonde · 20/11/2019 19:09

I've found most people take un solicited well meaning advice badly OP. She didn't ask for your advice & to suggest WW etc she just said she felt fat. She probably wanted a supportive "give it time, you've just had a baby. "


FeckaDecka · 20/11/2019 19:11



Divebar · 20/11/2019 19:13

Yes I said you’re weren’t unreasonable but thinking about it if she’s only just had the baby I don’t think she needed to hear that message it at this time. I think it took me about 2 months to even get myself out of the house regularly and I certainly didn’t need anyone talking about Diets with me. All in all it wasn’t a horrific mistake.... she’s just feeling a little bit sensitive about it.


caravanette · 20/11/2019 19:17

Honest opinion? She acted immaturely


Goodnightjude1 · 20/11/2019 19:21

I think maybe I made the suggestion prematurely. I’ll leave it a few days and hope she contacts me. If not, I’ll contact her.

OP posts:

SadForNoReason · 20/11/2019 19:22

I wouldn't have been offended or blames you, but probably would have felt sad about it after you left because o think on her shoes I'd have wanted you to say 'dont be silly, you look great and still look really slim to me! But if you feel your stomache is a bit bigger, of course it is! Youve had a baby! Breasts feeding and another couple of months and you'll be back to your pre-baby weight!'

I think (with baby hormones and lack of sleep) she interpreted the offer of an escort to weight watchers as 'yes, you are looking rather fatter than normal and you should do something about it. Weight watchers might help you loose some of that spare tyre you have developed'

I'd be sad with the latter interpretation and probably scoff a box of chocolates to cheer myself up, only making matters worse!

I wouldn't worry about it! You didn't mean to offend a d she's a friend. Next time you see her remind her how fantastic she looks and NEVER mention weight watchers again unless she asks you!!


Ariadnepersephonecloud · 20/11/2019 19:23

You could reply along the lines that you didn't think she needed it anyway to be honest and hope that reassures her.


DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/11/2019 19:26

You clearly meant well but sometimes unasked for advice from a weight loss enthusiast ( I'm looking at it from her point of view) may just feel like far too much, especially when you've just had a baby. Perhaps she didn't want advice but just someone to listen.
I thought her reply was really rude tbh, but you were treading on delicate ground and perhaps without realising it perhaps you came across as preachy. She already knows how you lost weight and could easily google it and it would be less public to go on her own.


Bluntness100 · 20/11/2019 19:26

Yeah i can see if she'd just been having a whinge and not long had a baby why suggesting weight watchers might piss her off. Especially when combined with "I only need to loose a stone but happy to come with you" malarkey.

It's akin to jumping in and saying, "yup you're a right fat bastard, let's get you down fat club, I'll come with you but I don't need to loose much, unlike you, I'm just a nice person".

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