Feeling so fed up with my life

[Framular]

On paper, it might look like I'm doing okay. I'm 23, I have secured my first 'proper' job with ease and earn 25k a year living in the north. I have a wonderful BF who works full-time, a great family and brilliant friends. But I am just so very miserable, and feel like a failure - like I'm not good enough, or earning enough, or doing enough. It's horrible.

I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of misery, and in particular, a feeling that I am failing in some way and need a drastic change in my life.
I've recently moved back home with my BF to save for a house deposit for 6months, so not sure if that's a part of it. But to be honest I think it's bigger than that.
I'm questioning my job choice, what I want my future to look like, and I'm just feeling like I'm wasting my life living the way that I am right now.
I almost feel like I resent that me and my BF went to uni and that its led to us choosing jobs that are full-on. But at the same time feeling like that jobs we do and the money we earn isn't good enough. It's just this blizzard of emotions and thoughts.
Basically I'm just questioning everything. I have contemplatee buying a campervan and disappearing, but I know that isn't realistic. I'd love to open my own business, but without any money or an idea I know that's not realistic either.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this post really, I think I just need to vent and hear lots of advice.

How long have you felt like this? It may be worth talking it over with your GP

I would say you are entering a “new chapter” in your life and trying to deal with the inevitable emotions that go with it.

Its a big transition going from college life to starting your career and there can be a bit of an anti climax when you achieve your goal, which in your case was getting your degree.

I would give yourself a few months to get settled into job, home etc and see how you feel about things then.

You're 23.
Have you done any travelling?
You're locking yourself into a life sentence of the full-on, full-time job, mortgage, all that stuff that is sensible, but is it right for now?
Have you considered living elsewhere for a while?
A change of scenery, a new experience, can be such food for the soul.
Your campervan idea is not silly in the least. Lots of people will tell you it's silly. It's not.
You need a new scene. You need a new vista.
Moving back home may not be right for the time being.

Good grief, you are 23!

You don't have to "settle" into anything just yet. It sounds great to sacrifice now to "retire" or semi-retire in your 40s (got plenty of examples around me, it IS a thing), but life is too short.

You will NEVER get your 20s back.

I went to uni, got a very good degree (not boasting, just factual), left for a year to go travelling, came back, moved into another country and started as a cleaner. Would have been hell in my 40s with young kids, in my 20s I had a blast.

Went travelling again for my honeymoon, we took a year off with DH.

So yes, we now still have a mortgage to pay, but frankly, we have no regret, we got good jobs and kids now. We will never be the ones to say: "if we didn't have kids we would have achieved this and that.." because we did whatever we wanted first, and we still have lots to do now.

Would you like to travel?
Could you use your skills abroad? Could you work somewhere else?
Would you like to retrain and do something different? Study whilst you are in your current job?

Travelling abroad doesn't really appeal to me, if I'm honest. The idea of back packing anyway is just not for me, im a four star+ hotel kind of girl.
I would campervan around the UK, briefly, or more to a different country to work but because of my job choice I need to do a full year here first. But my boyfriend can't really move to a non-english speaking county to work and wouldn't leave the job he's got now. It's stressful but it's really competitive to get a job doing what he does (he works in TV abd broadcasting) so there's no way he would move away and chance loosing it. It all sounds lovely, but just setting off somewhere isn't realistic for us, financially either. But I'm not sure what else is a option, yet I know for certain I don't want to travel for a year though, I think that might actually make me feel worse, but thank you for the posts.

I think as well, in the back of my mind I'm thinking how I would kick myself if in the long-run if we ended up worse off from travelling, like some of my older friends who have regretted it because now they are stuck with their parents in their late 20's or are trapped renting with young children. I think I'd rather buy my house, rent it out and then move away to work, if it every came to that. But not right now, I'm not ready for that at the minute and don't think it's the best thing for me to do.

Do you spend a lot of time on SM? There’s a lot of pressure these days to have fantastic jobs, a sparkling social life, family joy, holidays to die for and a sense of serenity throughout.

Real life isn’t like that as you are finding out. It’s 80-90% hard work for most people. Try to fit a few nice things into each day and keep your horizons broad.

Read and watch this brilliant speech 9 Lessons on life , it’s so very true.

At 22, the day after I graduated from uni, I went travelling with my then bf (now dh). Only 3 months travelling around Australia but I swear I am 40 now with 4 kids and a ton of worries. I look out at our crooked back fence while I do the washing up for the thousandth time and I think about how young and free we were back then. It was just us with a tent and two backpacks. Most amazing experince and it's your treasure trove for life. If i were you, I would spend 3 to 6 months travelling next year. A year if you can. You can pick up the job again when you return. You are clearly restless and needing a new perspecive. The rest, jobs, houses etc... can wait. It will all still be there when you get back!

Sorry, link isn’t working.

YouTube Tim Minchin. 9lessons on life.

I don't think you should travel if it's not for you.

Is there something you can think of that gives you a lift when you think about it? Could be anything... Computer programming, moving out, being single again, knitting...

If there is literally nothing that makes you feel lighter, then I'd think about a GP visit.

OP with all due respect you are 23!! Nothing awful is happening you are feeling a little unhappy right now!! I have no advice but Just some perspective...my friends 8 yr old passed away this week!! Now THAT is what you call something to be upset about!!

the point wast not really about travelling to be honest, but about making the most of your 20s.

You shouldn't feel stuck so young: you have 0 responsibility, all the time and opportunities in the world, you will never be into that position again.

I have never back packed in my life btw

It's just too young to be miserable in a job, unless you really have a short germ goal and you need that year or so on your cv. You should have at least a long-term goal of what you would like to do.

There are so many people absolutely miserable when they are middle-aged, when you are young and free is not the time for that. If you are in the wrong job or the wrong career, that's not a big deal, you are more than young enough to change, that was more the point.

Thank you for the replies, it's a comfort just reading other people's opinions.

There are things that I still look forward to and give me pleasure, so I know I'm not totally depressed. It feels more like anxiety than anything else. I think a PP about social media is probably true.

I'm more worried about ways that I can make day-to-day life more enjoyable, and travelling for however long is just prolonging that inevitable. I think I'm partly craving a better work-life balance and more control, which I feel I would only get from doing something like having my own business or doing something I really love every day.
I think I feel like this because I know vanishing with a campervan won't help this long-term feeling of being trapped, it would just add to my anxiety knowing I had to return to it plus with added stress of no money and no job.

my friends 8 yr old passed away this week!! Now THAT is what you call something to be upset about!!

clearly

But to be fair, I have lost quite a few friends along the way (illness or various accidents). Whilst it's not reasonable to live like they are no tomorrow and end up in horrendous financial situation, life is too short to wait for your retirement to start enjoying yourself.

@Parttimers Well of course it is...
If you actually read my OP, my point is that everything in my life is going well, and I'm pleased about that, which is all the more worrying to me why I feel so shit each day. Hence being on MN asking for advice. Perspective is not what I need, if you asked any person on the street (myself included) they could easily tell you of a tradgey that has befallen themselves or a loved one. If anything it's all the more reason to seek advice and try to resolve feeling miserable with your life, because you never know the moment.

Althought I didn't want to, I felt I had to reply to your comment in case anyone else stumbles across this post in the future, in a similar position to me, and is made to feel guilty for askinf the same question.

@DontbeaBabs I would love to know how you managed to travel without backpacking anywhere! Now that is something I could get behind haha

Actually OP I beg to differ, everything in your life is good, yet you are still complaining. Perspective is exactly what you need!!

It's pretty normal OP; I struggle with feeling like that too and nothing is 'wrong' for me either. I think I felt depressed for a long time after graduating actually because I loved uni so much that the 'real world' was kind of a let down I don't think travelling necessarily helps for everyone as you know what they say: wherever you go, there you are (though by all means do it if you feel the urge). I find spending time with friends and learning new things is a good distraction from the 'blue' feeling.

So have you looked at every separate strand of your life
Job
BF
Future plans
and thought about what you could/would want to change?
You say your job is "full on" does this mean its not leaving your enough time for other areas of your life?
You also mention that the things you have achieved/are doing are not enough? Have you explored why you think this? is this your conclusion or have you been made to feel that way. What would be enough? Its easy to compare ourselves to others, but I always think that if one suddenly won a lot of money and upgraded various areas of our lives that after a while, we'd just get used to the upgrades and would still be hankering for other thing to be more perfect, because essentially we'd still be the same person underneath it all.
So what is it that would be enough? Do you have more successful friends or relatives? Maybe you need to find someone to talk to that can help you work out what it is that is worrying you, because on the surface it does seem like you have achieved a lot at 23..
If there are things you really want in life, you are still so young you could make them happen. You need to research them.
I get what you are saying about travel just postponing the problem, but the thing about travel is it can change how you think or give you time to think. You are taking yourself out of the everyday environment and that can change your perspective. If not a year, why not a weeks holiday..Christmas in Morocco, something spur of the moment to shake things up and give you time to think.
Have you had something traumatic happen to you previously that you haven't really dealt with?
Sorry I'm not much help, but I think if you can find someone to talk to in RL.. and tried to narrow down what is causing your dissatisfaction it might help you find a path you want to be on.

It’s daunting when you have a whole lifetime of work and bills stretching out ahead of you. You need to remind yourself that you’re not trapped, and you can shake things up whenever you want. However if you can mentally give yourself a year (or whatever works) in the job, get experience under your belt etc, it might give you even more options for doing something different in the future. Promise yourself that in a years time you’ll reassess.

When you say you “moved back home with bf” to save do you mean in with his parents or yours? If so then for a start get out and spread your wings.
Personally I wouldn’t worry so much about buying right now, I’d try some options first by renting - city centre, rural, whatever takes your fancy for a six month lease no strings.
Life isn’t about getting from A to B, just do something this month for this months sake that’s not about the future.

I think it's common to have this sort of crisis around your mid twenties and probably much worse with social media showing everyone's wonderful (highly filtered) lives.

University is over and work can be a shock, especially the thought of the next 40 years in the same profession looming.

You need to think what is going to make you happy long term. Now is the time to take risks, try out something new, change direction ( just finish the year you need to do). Get the campervan, plan your adventures.

See your Gp if you are genuinely worried about anxiety maybe look at some counselling to explore why you might feel like this?

Maybe Backpacking is a little extreme .You sound a little like me (cant do camping !).Can you not have a little weekend away occasionally ? Maybe you can take a little longer to save for your deposit.You are very young and everyone needs something to look forward to .Maybe a last minute deal or air B and B in UK.Nat Trust membership is quite cheap and you could have lunch there as well or take sandwiches .My Son is a similar age to you ,and although he enjoys his job its quite full on sometimes and a bit different to his Uni days!

Dontbeababs Huge sympathy to your poor friend ,that is truly awful .

I almost feel like I resent that me and my BF went to uni and that its led to us choosing jobs that are full-on. But at the same time feeling like that jobs we do and the money we earn isn't good enough.

I can see why life after University would feel like slog and a bit of a let down, after all the stress and the build up.
But its really not normal to feel trapped. I think you need to spend some time on your own sorting out why you feel that way, and hold off on buying a house.