Feeling so fed up with my life

[Framular]

On paper, it might look like I'm doing okay. I'm 23, I have secured my first 'proper' job with ease and earn 25k a year living in the north. I have a wonderful BF who works full-time, a great family and brilliant friends. But I am just so very miserable, and feel like a failure - like I'm not good enough, or earning enough, or doing enough. It's horrible.

I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of misery, and in particular, a feeling that I am failing in some way and need a drastic change in my life.
I've recently moved back home with my BF to save for a house deposit for 6months, so not sure if that's a part of it. But to be honest I think it's bigger than that.
I'm questioning my job choice, what I want my future to look like, and I'm just feeling like I'm wasting my life living the way that I am right now.
I almost feel like I resent that me and my BF went to uni and that its led to us choosing jobs that are full-on. But at the same time feeling like that jobs we do and the money we earn isn't good enough. It's just this blizzard of emotions and thoughts.
Basically I'm just questioning everything. I have contemplatee buying a campervan and disappearing, but I know that isn't realistic. I'd love to open my own business, but without any money or an idea I know that's not realistic either.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this post really, I think I just need to vent and hear lots of advice.

Personally, I think that the message you get that you should 'love your job' and 'love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life' puts unrealistic expectations on the day to day grind.

Even if you REALLY enjoy your work, it's still work. You still have to commute and eat a sandwich at your desk and do timesheets or whatever.

Owning your own business is HARD. Of course there is greater autonomy, but you never switch off. It becomes your life - I think the work/life balance you crave would become more unbalanced, if anything.

I wish I had a magic answer but I think it might lie in an acceptance of the reality of your life, if you don't want to drastically change anything.

Being grateful for what you have and finding joy in creating opportunities for yourself - learn a new skill, challenge yourself to read more, do something creative, volunteer your time to a charity. Shake things up within the range you feel comfortable.

Hate something. Change something. Make something better. (The tagline from an old Honda ad. BUT also, an excellent life mantra).

All the best x

Are you bored maybe? I'm a similar age and in a similar position so I get how you feel. I've been in my current job since I graduated at 21 since it's stable and pays well. However I decided it wasn't challenging enough for me and not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so now I'm doing a distance-learning Masters degree so I can change career to something I find more meaningful. :)

OP, I'm a similar age (26) and have just finished a post-graduate degree. I can relate to pretty much everything you have said.
I have diagnosed depression and anxiety which is definitely making my situation worse. However, after speaking to a counsellor it is clear that I am suffering an 'existential crisis'. I too are questioning everything about my life and the values I once held.
I'm still in the thick of it, but I believe this experience is a good thing in the long term (hopefully) as we are forced to think about what we truly want from life and what our real values are.
I have also spent a lot of time comparing myself to family/friends/anyone in terms of houses, jobs, wealth, pretty much anything you can think of. I now realise I was doing this because I am dissatisfied with my life and I'm trying to achieve the happiness they have.
It's so easy to fall into the school -> university -> job -> mortgage -> kids, model of life that sometimes we lose ourselves along the way. It's OK if that lifestyle isn't for you.

Do you think perhaps it's just a huge feeling of anticlimax, having worked so hard to get to a specific place and then got there? You sound very sensible and quite driven, but I think if you make life a series of goals like get a degree, get a job, get a house, get married etc. you're in danger of being so focused on the destination you forget the journey. I think you need to have some time to be a little aimless and get to know yourself before you really 'settle down' otherwise you're just a mid life crisis waiting to happen.

I think there's probably some middle ground between being so disciplined and focused and just saying 'sod it all' and running off to live of the beach (or whatever).

I was VERY aimless, which I slightly regret, but (at the admittedly somewhat old age of 41) have still managed to get 3 degrees, a professional job, buy a decent sized house, get married and have 2 children. I probably would have pissed about a little bit less, looking back, but I still got there in the end and love the fact I had 'lived a lot of life' before I had to be proper grown up.

Honestly OP, I think you need to have a look at your life and re-assess if the things you wanted when you were at uni etc are really right for you now.

When I left uni, I had got an amazing job that I'd coveted my entire time in uni. I absolutely fucking detested it and just walked out after 9 months. I went to an agency the next day and then started a new temporary job the next week. A few months later, I got another temporary job in the organization I'm still working for 17 years later. I would never have dreamed of going into this line of work but I just kind of fell into it and enjoyed it.

When I was 23, I lived with my parents and just spent my time and money living for the weekend, going out and having fun. I had lots of holidays, nights out, weekends away and just enjoyed myself. I was in absolutely no rush to settle down with my BF (who is now my DH) or buy my own place.

You're still young OP. There is plenty of time for the boring stuff. But you never get the time back to be young and enjoy your freedom. Who's to say what will happen? I know plenty of people who married, bought houses together and had kids in their 20s who aren't together any more now in their 40s and are now facing starting over again.

If you want to pursue your own business, now is probably the best time to do so. You have no commitments like a mortgage, dependants etc. Trust me, when you have kids, a house and bills to pay for it's much, much harder to start over.

I do think in your 20s there is pressure and expectations to do things a certain way, have your shit together etc. Then you get to 30 and realise its all a load of crap and there's no one right way for everyone.

I think I'm partly craving a better work-life balance and more control, which I feel I would only get from doing something like having my own business or doing something I really love every day.

I think you're right. Reading your earlier posts I got the feeling that there's a part of you that is not being heard, a need that is not being met. Some people are brought up to work hard, study hard, be sensible etc. and not pay any attention to the need for fun or creativity.

May I recommend the book Free Range Human? I think it will help you with your thoughts around autonomy.