To wish a colleague had kept her mouth shut?

[Brigante9]

Working in an all boys' school can be challenging, definitely different to mixed or all girls! Today, a colleague told me a boy had told her he'd seen something insulting about me written on the wall in the toilet. Another teacher was told and it was swiftly removed. AIBU to think that she should have just kept quiet and not told me?

I'm not horribly upset or anything, but if I knew something unpleasant had been written about a colleague, I would not have told him/her. I pass on compliments and stamp on comments being needlessly derogatory about others.

I think we've all got enough going on without being told this. AIBU?

I think it was a bit mean to tell you. It causes nothing but hurt

I agree. It was thoughtless to tell you. Some people just don’t consider others’ feelings.

She shouldn’t have told you. There was no need for you to know.
I remember in my first year of teaching, a long, long time ago, I took over a year 11 class. The teacher who had them in year ten told me how they had gone to her to say they would all fail having me as a new teacher. I’m still cross about it, nearly two decades later.

I'm an NQT and my classes have started being horrible about a fellow NQT. It didnt even cross my mind to tell her, I just raised it with our NQT supervisor privately so she can keep an eye on it. Why wouldn't the other teacher just get it removed quietly.

I wouldn’t have told. One of my pupils once wrote about another teacher ‘Mrs x is a whore’ on one of my desks. They tried to rub it out before realising sharpie is permanent 🙄. I called the care takers to remove it and suitably punished the child but didn’t tell my colleague.

She shouldn't have told you imo.

Something like this may need dealing with if there was a disproportionate amount of comments about one specific teacher. But even then, it simply wouldn't have been up to her....

Not sure in this case. Did they say what was said or just that something was written?

If it was just something was written, it could be telling you in a "don't worry we're getting it removed asap" way on the basis that the children might well say something or giggle about it, and it's easier not to be caught out in front of them.

I don't know really- I hope she wasn't being mean or even thoughtless but rather misjudged the situation.

I think she could have kept it to herself.
You could always go and write 'mrs blabbermouth is smelly ' in the loos and reveal it for revenge 😂
(this is light hearted obvs before anyone moans)

The only reason I would tell anyone about something derogatory said about them would be if it was in their interest to know. My sometimes wise MIL used to say "You are not a little gold coin for everyone to love you".

It depends on what it said if I’d tell the person.. ie Mrs x smells/is a whore/has a hairy fanny, no I’d leave it that’s not going to help/prevent a wtf situation. Mrs x shagged mr y/student or something that could be brought up by a student or a parent to someone else that could cause an actual problem for you then I’d say something incase it came back as a concern from a parent etc.

You are not a little gold coin for everyone to love you".

What exactly does it mean? That being loved isn't your sole purpose or is this some statement about the dangers of money or...? I feel like I might be misunderstanding the quote.

but it still sounds lovely for some reason. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(and I love this kind of saying. They reveal so much about cultural values etc. And they're often rather clever as well.)

Speaking as an ex high school teacher myself - who taught for years in a private boys' school - I can say that I'd rather know.
I'd want to confront the boy myself. If no-one knew who it was, that's different. Then there's nothing to be gained from telling you, and ignorance is bliss.

That's mean, why tell you. Is she jealous of you? As a trainee teacher on teaching practice, the class Teacher told me one child 'has taken an instant dislike to you'. I'd never said more than 'morning ' or 'well done ' to that child as she never needed help or initiated interaction & I take cues from the child when I'm new to them. I was mystified as to why she made a point of telling me, as the rest of the class liked me & used to fight over who helped me with the wall displays & who held my hand on playground duty. I think she was jealous tbh. I didn't react to - & she looked disappointed & changed the subject.

I wouldn't mind being told. I'd probably want a photo as a souvenir. It comes with the territory.

I’d want to know. In fact my students let you know directly how they feel mist days. Often it’s a pretty fair comment, although could be articulated better maybe.

I know what you mean @Brigante9 I guess there was no real need for you to know really.

It's like a few years ago when I was a bit heavier, (and had gained 2 stone in about 10 months;) a colleague of mine said that her husband was shocked at how much weight I had gained since he last saw me.

I said 'why tell me? that's just hurtful?' She said 'I bet you'd want me to tell you if he said you had lost weight eh?'

I just gave her a look. Funnily enough, when I did lose the weight (plus another stone,) no 'you've lost weight' comments were forthcoming!

I mean I don't lose weight for anyone else, (or for compliments,) but if you're going to slate me for gaining weight, at least say something positive when I lose it again!

With colleagues I find it is wiser to keep my ears open and my mouth shut.

Thank goodness I dont work as a teacher. (Remember silly incidents like this in my mixed School,Also School bus home absolute nightmare )!

Unless I knew the culprit I wouldn't share.

If I did know, or had a very strong inkling, as to who it was, I would tell the colleague. I'd frame it in a 'just keep an eye on X' way though.

Ugh, some people are emotionally dense like that. She shouldn't have said anything.

Teaching can be tough sorry you’ve had a crap day! How many weeks until Xmas?

YANBU- it was nasty of her to say anything. Hugs- how're you feeling? xxx

Are you jumping to the conclusion that it was bad or do you know what it said but can’t repeat as it’s outing?

It could have been an inappropriate compliment? Miss Smith is a MILF or somesuch thing which some would indeed find offensive. Perhaps the teacher that told you was jealous of you being thought of as attractive (although its completely inappropriate).

I'd want to confront the boy myself. If no-one knew who it was, that's different. Then there's nothing to be gained from telling you, and ignorance is bliss.

Don’t think the young man signed his comment!

I wouldn't mind being told. I'd probably want a photo as a souvenir. It comes with the territory.

Really? I can’t recall having anything written on toilet walls about me before!

That's mean, why tell you. Is she jealous of you?

I have no idea. Part of my job is to support her and others. This includes popping into her class to check that everything is ok. I did that before she told me and spoke to her in her language, too quickly for the lads to follow. I just said if she wanted anything, I was next door.

I love that little gold coin expression! I don’t want my students to all love me, I have high expectations, I’m a head of subject so I get sent the naughties! Strict but fair according to the kids.