To wish a colleague had kept her mouth shut?

[Brigante9]

Working in an all boys' school can be challenging, definitely different to mixed or all girls! Today, a colleague told me a boy had told her he'd seen something insulting about me written on the wall in the toilet. Another teacher was told and it was swiftly removed. AIBU to think that she should have just kept quiet and not told me?

I'm not horribly upset or anything, but if I knew something unpleasant had been written about a colleague, I would not have told him/her. I pass on compliments and stamp on comments being needlessly derogatory about others.

I think we've all got enough going on without being told this. AIBU?

She definitely shouldn't have told you, in the spirit of "what other people think of you is none of your business."

I mean, what are you meant to do? Think, oh dear, one of the kids doesn't like me? Well, statistically speaking that would have had to have been true anyway, whether you had written evidence of it or not!

It's nothing to do with you, it's between the rude boy and the person who had to clean it up!

I can’t fathom what the gold coin quote means either!

Seems I’m the dissenter on this one, but personally I’d want to know and think it’s better to be aware, so that if it comes up in class you’re not put on the spot clueless about it, you have more power if you can say ‘yep, knew about it, will be dealt with and now moving swiftly on...’ so you can deal with whatever initial reaction you might have had (if any) in private and then be nonplussed if it comes up in public. Plus depending on what it says it might be something you’d want to be aware of (say, a teacher getting a reputation for smelling terrible, you might want to know that!).

So I think it’s kinder to be given a heads up. And it prevents a possible situation later on where you realise everyone but you knows about this, which would be horrible.

Really? I can’t recall having anything written on toilet walls about me before!

Maybe in the past you got what you're wishing for here and no-one's told you before?

Personally I'd rather know, especially since a number of kids might've seen it. I'd want to be prepared in case I overheard sniggering/whispering about whatever was written.

@Brigante9

Well of course he wouldn't sign it, but a switched-on staff would often know who has form for this kind of thing. Or an axe to grind.

Maybe in the past you got what you're wishing for here and no-one's told you before?

Ha, more than possible! Been teaching a long time.

Well of course he wouldn't sign it, but a switched-on staff would often know who has form for this kind of thing. Or an axe to grind.

I was joking! I’m not too concerned about what was written, it would become all consuming if teachers were only bothered about their students liking them. As a pp said, the students generally manage to convey what they think quite clearly, often without saying a word!

I don’t think staff should keep that sort of thing secret.

It adds to the sense that inappropriate behaviour is something teachers deal with on an emotional level, which it shouldn’t t be.

It was about you, it’s indicative of a pupil who is cross/silly/whatever, of course you should know - on the off chance it’s part of a wider issue rather than Alex being pissed that you gave him homework.

@Dieu In a school with a couple of hundred of kids, there may be more than one or two who write unpleasant stuff on the walls or wherever. Sometimes you would nto even know who it was having a class of 30 in front of you, not mentioning when it could be anyone in the school.

OP, I think it was a mean thing to say, she probably wanted to put you down in a way. Who in thte world would think it's OK to come to a colleague and say 'I have heard some kid really hates you!"?

I'd definitely rather know. The kids may be laughing at you. Forewarned is forearmed as my gran used to say.

Hope you're ok though, OP. It's shite, but we've all been there!

I would have wanted to know. I'd be glad I'd be told.

That's nothing

Many years ago a colleague split with her boyfriend and he took revenge by putting up private photos of her all along the road going to work.

Her manager very kindly grabbed another colleague at work and they went out and removed all the photos, which is where it should have ended, but no the manager then made a point of telling everyone what she'd done and writing a report to go in the woman's personnel record

She did do the right thing by telling you. As you treat people as you would like to be treated. If something was written about her she might expect you to tell her. Also some people do not like keeping something like this away from the person intended. I am sorry this happened.