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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of friend and her excuses?

61 replies

loopyhatter · 20/11/2019 14:18

I fell out with her a couple of years ago because of her lying and dropping me in it.
Today is her birthday and I booked a table for 1pm to go for a Italian meal.
Bought her a gift and a little cake etc
Text her happy birthday at 9am no reply.
I went to town anyway where we were meant to meet and said "are we still meeting at 1pm"
No reply
Text me 15 mins ago saying
"I'm so so sorry"
Then said ring me
I did ...and she puts her sick voice on
"I am so I'll,I woke up vomiting this morning"
She's full of shit,if she was a actress she wouldn't win a Oscar.
Any other friends I would believe them but from our history I know when she's lying
Aibu here to be annoyed ?
She asked to arrange for another day I just said I'm busy

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 20/11/2019 15:35

Just block her and move on.
Why are you wasting your time OP? shes not interested in being a friend.

pipnchops · 20/11/2019 15:45

I have a flaky friend. I love spending time with her when we do but I've learnt never to arrange anything with her and if she arranges anything I take those arrangements with a very big pinch of salt and try not to feel too let down when, 9 times out of 10, she cancels last minute. We fell out a while ago about a particular flaky incident that really upset me and she absolutely begged my forgiveness over several months and made me realise how much my friendship meant to her. Perhaps you could do the same, tell her you're very upset with her and you don't think your friendship is very important to her so goodbye, that's basically what I said. See how much you mean to her by how much she begs your forgiveness but be aware that she probably still won't change her flaky ways.

Mix56 · 20/11/2019 16:03

She is not your friend

Greysparkles · 20/11/2019 16:03

I don't understand why people ask if she has anxiety? Anxiety isn't a pass for being a rude bitch.

MuchBetterNow · 20/11/2019 16:15

I've had crippling anxiety and never treated my friends like this. Why do people persist posting this mumsnet bingo trope every time someone is behaving like a cunt?

Ponoka7 · 20/11/2019 16:15

I agree with just ending the friendship.

She isn't worth your effort.

SadForNoReason · 20/11/2019 16:22

I'm a bit like your friend (sorry). Often things genuinely do arise healthwise (I do get awful migraines and if one hits I cant go out). I also tend to have a lot of life events which seem to really annoyingly coincide with other plans I've made with good friends and I feel awful cancelling. I also get very anxious and sometimes when push comes to shove I just can't face facing the big wide world. Real, true friends get me and are patient and I always make it up to them.

That said, I do have a couple of friends that are less close (though we've been friends years, shared hen do's etc), and that I have let down (not my fault, they probably think it is). But they r not friends I'm that bothered about retaining. I never in invite them out, ever, but they do still invite me even though I know I've let them down. what tends to happen is I agree to see them because I feel awful that I've let them down so many times. But when the time comes to go out, I just think 'i can't face it - I'm tired, long week or whatever, and I don't really like x', so then I might go out of guilt, but I'll be rubbish company,or I might cancel and let them down again). I wish they'd just let the relationship fizzle out. Sometimes it's good to just let things end naturally, especially if the friendship feels like a chore.

I'm sorry I know I probably sound horrible, I'm not really. I think you should just let this relationship end. Don't invite your friend out again, and don't bother catching up unless your paths cross naturally

Original poster
loopyhatter · 20/11/2019 16:23

We have been "friends " since we were 14 and now 34 ,and I think because she was such a long-standing friend I've let things slip that I shouldn't.
If she had text me this morning at 9 when she was on WhatsApp I wouldn't have been as annoyed ..it's the fact she waited till after we were meant to meet.
Me like the fool I am walking around town with her present and a birthday cake,hanging about waiting for someone who had no intention of meeting me.
She knew I was annoyed and sent me a text
"God I'm I'll you know,I can tell in your voice you don't believe me,see you've never changed with your doubts of me"

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 20/11/2019 16:29

Maybe you should pop round with some soup and sympathy. Be very strange if she happened to be out. If she was she’d tell you she was in hospital.

No, I’m with you. She’s got form and even if I was knocked down by a bus, if I was conscious I’d have let you know ASAP that I couldn’t come.

Erase her number.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 20/11/2019 16:31

Oh boy, she really dies sound like she’s an expert at playing the victim, doesn’t she. I’d get a couple of friends to call round and post a photo on Facebook of you all enjoying the cake, with a comment about treating your good friends, but I’m petty. Grin

Ginfordinner · 20/11/2019 16:32

see you've never changed with your doubts of me

I would be tempted to reply “see you’ve never changed your unreliable and flaky behaviour. You have given me good reason to doubt you time after time”

You need to distane yourself from her.

FurryDogMother · 20/11/2019 16:33

Dump her. I spent 45 years making excuses for a flaky friend, which was probably about 40 years too long. Feel much better since I dumped them a couple of years back :)

Original poster
loopyhatter · 20/11/2019 16:37

I was gonna even pay for the bloody Italian too !
Instead I'm ordering a Italian in and watching a Christmas film ...with cake for afters ha ha

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 20/11/2019 16:39

I assume , at times you enjoy this persons company and its particular thoughtlessness that annoys you.
I wouldn't dump her as a friend but I would stop but rather remove her from your priority list (and maybe the list after that).
For example next year let her organise her own party and tell you about it.

egontoste · 20/11/2019 16:50

I think this friendship has run its course...

Original poster
loopyhatter · 20/11/2019 16:52

We get on well but she has sneaky tendencies
(Not paying back money ) etc and I shouldn't let familiarity stop me from calling out the crappy behaviour

OP posts:
Cuppachino · 20/11/2019 17:18

I'm a bit like your friend (sorry). Often things genuinely do arise healthwise (I do get awful migraines and if one hits I cant go out)

I'm assuming you would call or text friends to let them know in advance that you're not going though?

ahhRats · 20/11/2019 17:20

Eat the cake, dump the flake.

Cuppachino · 20/11/2019 17:21

She knew I was annoyed and sent me a text
"God I'm I'll you know,I can tell in your voice you don't believe me,see you've never changed with your doubts of me"

OP please don't let her away with treating you like this. I would respond to this text and tell her once and for all what you think of her selfish, rude behaviour and that you're done with her.

Original poster
loopyhatter · 20/11/2019 18:57

Deffo not she is actually a waste of space
Would aibu to return the present I had bought her too ?

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 20/11/2019 20:22

Eat the cake, dump the flake.

This should be the new MN mantra for shitty friends.

Mix56 · 20/11/2019 20:40

Silence is Golden

Vates · 20/11/2019 20:52

Drop her. Unless she has a chronic condition or disability that has attributed to this cancellation (even though no notice of not being able to meet isn't great!).

Longfacenow · 20/11/2019 20:55

You are a lovely friend and are repeatedly treated shittily here!

PinkBalloon123 · 20/11/2019 20:56

You're a lovely friend. She doesn't deserve you!

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