I can’t tell if I’m overreacting?
I’m a nurse and my husband is a teacher.
I work two days a week, I work my shifts two days in a row, and I’m out the house for over 14 hours each day. I leave the house at 6.50am and am usually home at about 9.30pm. I’m obviously very worn out by the time I get home on my first day, and by the end of my second day I’m shattered.
My husband works 5 days a week, leaves the house at 7am and is back by 4.15pm.
We have two children, a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The 5 year old is at school and the 2 year old goes to a childminder on the days I work.
My husband goes to the gym about three evenings a week once the children are in bed which he can obviously only do because I’m at home to sit with the children. He also goes 1-2 mornings a week before work, so he leaves the house at about 5am so I do all the morning routine myself when the children wake up at about 6am.
The only time I get to do something for myself is for 2 hours on a Friday morning and the 2 year old goes to his childminder during that time to enable me to do it.
On the 5 days I’m not at work I do all the housework jobs, I do the school runs, the homework, the bath times, the bedtimes and I obviously have the 2 year old during the day. My two year old also still wakes 1-2 times a night which I get up and deal with.
When my husband comes home he will cook us our evening meal.
My Manager spoke to me earlier and asked if I could swap my shifts this week to work this coming Saturday and Sunday as they are short staffed. I checked with DH to make sure he/we didn’t have any plans and he said it was fine to work the weekend.
I have since bumped into my FIL, it came up in conversation and he did not look happy and implied that it wasn’t really fair as it meant my DH “wouldn’t get a break.”
I felt so angry and thought, and when the hell do you think I get a break?!
I’m either doing my back to back shifts at work or I’m with the children and doing the day-to-day parenting that I listed above.
He then said he would have to take the children for some periods over the weekend so DH can have some rest and also so he can get to the gym when he wants to go .
He’s never offered to have the children for some periods during the days when I’m at home with them though so that I can have some rest or pursue a leisure activity.....
My DH was away last weekend at a sports fixture, from Friday night through to Sunday night and my FIL obviously thinks solo parenting is fine when the mother has to do it, but God Forbid the father has to look after his children for a weekend whilst the wife has to work.
During the weekend DH was away I didn’t see my father in law once, he didn’t pop round and offer to mind the children for a few hours so I could have some downtime, but as soon as my DH has got to solo parent for two days in a row, suddenly he’s falling over himself to look after the children so DH can have a break.
My DH doesn’t have a problem at all with having the children on his own for both days, he’s really hands on and it wouldn’t even cross his mind that he deserves rest at the weekend. He understands that we both work and the children are both of our responsibilities and we just crack on with it as a team.
I don’t expect any help from FIL at all, that’s not the point of the post, it’s just the complete double standards of it all that’s made me feel so annoyed.
He will now doubt pass underhand comments to my DH about how bad he’s got it because he shouldn’t be expected to look after the children at the weekend when he’s “been at work all week”.
His attitude has really pissed me off