AIBU to consider this sleeping arrangement-help!

[Wammyjodger]

16 month old DD isn't walking independently, but doing everything else, so I don't think it will be long.

She absolutely detests her cot and is currently still cosleeping with us. We have a cosleeping crib thing attached to our bed, she doesn't mind it, and will spend the first part of the evening in it, but for the past few weeks she has been very unsettled, waking up after 30 or 40 minutes, taking ages to go back to sleep, screaming, going back to sleep for half an hour before she's up again....

I've really had enough, I'm knackered and desperately need adult time in the evenings.

DD will have her own room, but due to the layout of the house it's the floor above ours, an attic room, but it's a small flight of stairs and you can see her door from our door if that makes sense?

Should we consider changing her cot to the cot bed setting, putting up a bed guard and trying her in her own room? Part of me feels incredibly anxious at the thought, and I do like having her in with us throughout the night, but this evening thing is becoming so hard.

I am still breastfeeding too, if that makes a difference.

She is so tiny still, and I hate the thought of her lying up there on her own. AIBU or being silly?

How many other times have you heard of a baby dying because of a radiator being too hot? @mschatterbox? That story is the first I have heard of it happening (and was it a heater or central heating as that makes a difference, I can't see it happening with central heating).

MsChatterbox I'm not being facetious, but there's basically zero chance of her room reaching 100 degrees ever, we're up north in an ancient terrace cottage with a crap heating system. The radiators get lukewarm at best. Also, her room is a first floor, and our room is in fact the ground floor, so surely the danger would apply regardless? Most bedrooms are on the first floor

Ds is on a different floor to us, and has been since 10 months. We don't live in a mansion (unfortunately) and he's down one flight of stairs with a video monitor, in a cot, with stair gates on all stairs. I've never worried about him overheating and dying because we are upstairs I think that's a bit extreme, we live in southern England for Petes sake. Don't get stressed about it being a different floor op! But only move her when you all are ready.

OK. That's fine. I wasn't trying to scaremonger. Just sharing something I've heard.

My eldest was on the floor below us from 6 months. Step son was on that floor too. He went in to a bed around 2yrs old.
Youngest (different house) was on the same floor, but with some stairs between our rooms! And went onto his toddler bed at 16 months without issue.
NEIther of them bloody well sleep, and continue to spend half the night in our bed. We do have our evenings to ourselves though.

What a bizarre comment about the temperature thing. If it’s a concern you can always get a monitor that alerts you when the temperature goes outside of the boundaries you set

Mine has been in an attic room all his life, it’s fine. Baby gate across the stairs, monitor on when he was younger but we have always been able to hear him from the 2 lower floors in the house. If she’s not walking I agree with a mattress on the floor, ideally one you can sleep on too if necessary.

@mschatterbox

I wouldn't have a young child sleeping on a different floor. You hear too many stories of parents being unaware of the temp on that floor and the child overheating and unfortunately passing away. I would keep her in with you for a bit longer.

Do you think you are prone to exaggeration, can you provide links to the ' too many ' stories of children sleeping on different floors and dying from being over heated ?

Why is she waking up? It sounds to me like she may be having nightmares? Do you think that is the case? If she is, moving her to her own room will only make things worse.

Is she bf during the night? If yes, I think you need to address this first before moving her rooms. Stopping overnight bf and moving her at the same time seems like making it doubly difficult on her. Dr J Gordon has some good ideas on how to phase out night time bf.

Definitely try it. As long as the room is safe there is no harm in it at all.

Getting a good night's sleep is important for the physical and mental health of the whole family.

DS was in exactly the same situation and slept so much better when he went in on his own. We also found that sometimes he would cry in his sleep. When he was in with us we would react immediately and often that would wake him more whereas in his own room he would often settle back on is own by the time we got up to him and he started sleeping much better

@MsChatterbox where are all these tales of babies dying from sleeping on a different floor? I've never heard of any!

Yes OP I would move her, but straight into a single bed either with a bed guard or on the floor as others suggested. Obviously you'd make sure it was safe (I.e. no free standing furniture unless it's bolted to the wall, stair gate etc) and use a monitor. She will be fine.

@UOkhun77 yes, I did also mention the alarm.

I'm another who says you should give it a go. Dd has been in the room below ours for the past few months and after only a short while now sleeps better than when she was in with us! As long as you have a monitor it will be fine, our monitor has a temperature have on it and with central heating the difference between the two floors is only ever 1-2 degrees.

Both our DC were on their own rooms, on the floor above at 6m.

We lived in a tall and narrow house at the time. There wasn't a way in which we could sleep on the same floor.

I never considered it an issue. We had baby monitors and then just left doors open so we could hear them.

Ironically we are now on the same floor as them but they are much further away, and if we had another baby it would be in a room even further.

It’s worth a try if you think it might make her sleep better but in my experience there is no silver bullet for sleeping.

How much sleep does she get during the day? Waking after only 30 mins can be a sign that she’s over tired.

My eldest's sleep was transformed once we moved her over to a proper bed instead of the cot.

She was 17 months old and plenty vocal enough if we were needed. The first couple of nights I slept awful but she slept wonderfully. Only took a tiny bit of getting used to on my behalf, she was great!

I would not put a 16mo old so far away and with no ability to get to me if having a nightmare. It sounds too like she is already having night terrors from your description of her waking.

You would be unreasonable not to! You all need your sleep!
Also if you wait till she's 2 or 3 to move her she might think its spooky up there and not want to go up!
If you do it now itll be normal. You'll just have to keep an eye on the temp, I was thinking it might be a bit cold from your description!

We've a video monitor for her.

It's not a full sized stair case between the floors, if that makes sense. It's about 15 small steps up. The first floor isn't a full sized first floor either, I think the agents tried to describe it as "chalet style" which is a laugh, it's an old labourer's cottage which is very lovely but impractical at this stage for sure (DD came along unexpectedly after years of infertility and just after we'd bought our "not baby friendly but look at the view" forever home)

I'm trying to justify it to myself I know, but I'm finding it hard to make a balancef judgement on the whole situation because I'm very tired and prone to quite bad anxiety (diagnosed and medicated in the past) which naturally flares up over issues relating to DD, so I'm aware my judgement can be off and I'm over cautious

I think trying to jump from co sleeping to a room on her on a different floor is too large a leap. I would focus on getting her to sleep alone in a cot in your room for a start. Gradually move the cot away from the side of your bed then take it from there.

Sorry @MsChatterbox but it definitely seems like you're scare mongering

So the sleep issue. She slept perfectly until about 4 months, then the regression hit and it's not been great since. We had it so she was going to bed at 6.30, waking at 8.30,waking at 10.30,then we go to bed about 11. Then she sleeps until 7. That was OK because she was waking but going back over peacefully within about 10 minutes. So we could cope with that.

Naps- she's a cat napper. Always has been. Forty minutes twice a day until she was about 13 months, rain or shine, car, pram, lying on me. Didn't matter and we tried everything because I thought she was overtired too.

Now she's down to one hour long nap a day. I don't feel it's enough, but nothing, and I mean nothing, will get her to sleep more and believe me I've tried. So now it's bed at 6.30,waking up every half an hour to forty minutes, and taking minimum fifteen minutes, maximum forty minutes to settle again. When we eventually admit defeat and go to bed, she wakes up and bounces around the bed until DH walks her. She's also biting me a lot when feeding, her teeth are playing up and we're obviously giving Calpol

I suspect part of the issue with her sleeping in our room is that it backs on to the back garden, which then ends in fields and the local church. To one side we also have a working harbour. So there's a lot of seagulls/church activity noise/dogs barking/cats meowing/tractors tractoring (the countryside is so not quiet and peaceful) and it's all on her level, plus the way our house is situated on the hillside, I swear it creates an echoey funnel effect right into our room. Upstairs in the eaves she won't be able to hear any of that.

Massive overly detailed post, sorry!

I just stopped breastfeeding my 19 month old these past few weeks, and it has made a massive difference to her sleeping. She can now sleep independently from me, and right through. Before, she was waking every hour.

My kids were all born close together, so by the age of around 12 months they were out of the cot and in a single bed. Didn't even have bed guards, just a rolled up blanket under the edge of the mattress to roll them towards the wall.

Sounds overtired/overstimulated to me plus all the cues about bed=sleep getting messed up. Is it bounce time? Is it sleep time?

Is it possible to put her in her own room with one of you sleeping in there with her temporarily until she gets used to it. You can then start as you mean to go on sleep routine wise, night time wind down etc. Low lights, story etc etc. You need to try to get this established before she gets into the climbing/walking phase. I wouldn't wait until Xmas

One thing that helped my children get used to the move into their own room was putting them down for daytime naps in their bedroom, and then pottering around in and out of their room (putting washing away/ tidying up etc) while they nodded off to sleep. We also made sure we spent time in their bedroom reading books, playing with quiet toys etc.

If your daughter sleeps in the crib at night with you, could you put her in the cot in her room during the day until she gets used to the new room?

When you decide to stop breastfeeding, it's a good idea to have her dad take over night wakings for a few nights, so she breaks the habit of seeking milk.