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AIBU?

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Original poster

Elderly grandmother help!

37 replies

Mollychristmas · 19/11/2019 18:56

I’m desperate for some help with my elderly grandmother!

She is getting really depressed at the moment but won’t go out or meet people and doesn’t want anyone coming in to see her.

She doesn’t really have anything she can do and spends her days just staring at the wall.

She has arthritis in her hands, she has poor hearing (even with aids) and eyesight isn’t great although can see ok. She gets a bit confused at times and forgetful, we think it might be the early start of dementia but it isn’t too bad yet.

I’m trying to rack my brain for something she can do. I’m desperate to find her something that she can waste a few hours a day on but every idea I’ve had is no good.

She won’t watch tv during the day as she seems to think that’s ‘watching tv during the day is a bad habit she doesn’t want to start’. I have tried music/talking books but she can’t be bothered to use either her HiFI, boom box type thing or personal CD player, I’m not sure if this is because she is confused how to use it or just can’t be arsed.
She doesn’t read much and only very specific books that she then wants to save.

She knits a little bit is too confused to do new patterns and obviously the arthritis in her hands is getting worse.

She used to do jigsaw puzzles but she can’ sit at her dining table to do them anymore as she gets a bad back and it’s too heavy and difficult for her to have them on her lap.

She does want something to spend time on. She tells us that she is frustrated she can’t do anything and she is definitely seeming more sad and depressed.

Can anyone help me please? I’ve no idea what to try next so if anyone has any ideas I would be so grateful!!

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 19/11/2019 18:59

Have you thought of getting something like this for her armchair so she could still do the puzzles while in her chair but wouldn't have to have them in her lap? www.argos.co.uk/product/8650627

Original poster
Mollychristmas · 19/11/2019 19:03

The problem is I’m not sure if she could handle the twisting from the table to the box of pieces next to her iyswim.

I will look into it though and thank you for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 19/11/2019 19:07

Might be worth having a chat with Age UK and see if there are any group activities that might suit her, in your area?

She's lucky to have you looking out for her. Flowers

Original poster
Mollychristmas · 19/11/2019 19:13

She is resolute that she is not going out anyway and she is not having anyone in.

I’ve tried bribery, begging and even got her Dr to suggest it but all met with absolutely no way.

Thank you Flowers she looked after me as a child so it’s only fair I return the favour now even if I do want to throttle her sometimes Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Mollychristmas · 19/11/2019 21:00

Don’t suppose there might be any other ideas at all, I’m pretty desperate tbh Blush

OP posts:
Owlypants · 19/11/2019 21:04

If she has a tablet there are some good jigsaw apps.

FinalNameChange · 19/11/2019 21:10

Knitting squares for blankets, many charities use these.

Caselgarcia · 19/11/2019 21:15

Would she do a paint by numbers picture?
Or how about adult colouring books?

TwattingDog · 19/11/2019 21:18

A tablet.! House bound granny used her iPad to facetime / Skype all of us plus calls to family abroad. She also discovered Facebook and the LadBible 😂

Kit19 · 19/11/2019 21:22

I sympathise @Mollychristmas, she’s lucky to have you! I imagine there’s a bit more going on here. Why won’t she have anyone come to visit or go out ? I used to do advice work for Age Uk and in my experience ppl were either

“I can’t have anyone round because the house/me personally are in a state and I’m embarrassed to be seen like this”

“I can’t go out becatse I don’t have transport/feel unsafe outside my house/don’t know anyone at x group that’s been suggested”

Do you know what her reasons are?

blue25 · 19/11/2019 21:25

Watching old films on DVD. Box sets of favourite series. Will she read magazines related to her past hobbies, e.g. cooking, knitting. She could put together a basic scrapbook of her favourite recipes/ideas etc.

My Nan does ‘chair yoga’ in her village hall and she has arthritis.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/11/2019 21:27

Talking local newspaper?
A think a tablet would be useful too, she can do games and puzzles at a size she can see.
Audible, a wide selection of books and some free content too.

Zoofiller · 19/11/2019 21:27

My nan was never one for ‘people’ so no social groups but she’d really look forward to a trip out once a week. Nothing fancy, just the garden centre.

Would she get on the internet? Watch specific documentaries? (You mentioned about specific books)

A pet? Someone else’s pet on loan?

A large easy hold french knitter?

TheABC · 19/11/2019 21:28

Phone book club? Help the Aged and RNIB both used to do them. I would personally get her a tablet and an addiction to TedEx talks.
Grin

The avoidance sounds like fear. If you could dig into that reason, you may be able to reassure her enough to visit a group. Failing that, see if you can arrange a social companion to take her out to the local cafe, library or museum?

TitianaTitsling · 19/11/2019 21:29

Does she want you to find stuff for her to do? What does she suggest?

Moondancer73 · 19/11/2019 21:30

What about Age UK's visiting service? At least then she would have someone popping in to see her to break up the day once or twice a week

WantToBeMum · 19/11/2019 21:36

Would she go out? My elderly grandmothers loved going to the women's institute and to a local choir. What about a church group?
It may well be the start of dementia, sounds very similar to one of my grandmothers who only wanted to stay in a familiar place when the dementia set in.

ElectricMistofelees · 19/11/2019 21:48

I would definitely consider Age UK and other similar services for a bit of advice. There’s also a really good website called Unforgettable which has quite a wide range of lifestyle aids and activities for older people with a variety of physical or health difficulties. It might be worth a look on there to see if there is anything which might help.

Mrsmadevans · 19/11/2019 21:55

What about a colouring in book or a cross stitch kit or an easy toy kit . Or a bobble maker to make a pom pom wreath ? Solitairre ?

Mrsmadevans · 19/11/2019 21:56

Or a simple pack of cards to do Patience with .

FawnDrench · 19/11/2019 21:58

Would she consider an Alexa?
Wifi would be necessary of course.
For information and whatever else your grandmother may like.
Not expensive really.
Very useful and has been a godsend to a couple of my elderly relatives once they've got used to it - didn't take long at all.

scoobyd2 · 19/11/2019 22:05

Smaller jigsaws that she can do on a table at her chair? 250 piece puzzles, or 500 piece where she can look for specific pieces so doesn't need the whole thing in front of her.

Agree maybe set her up with a tablet, and the Kindle app so she can choose her books. My DF was dead against anything other than a proper book til he got ill last year and was in hospital for 2 weeks, we set him up with the Kindle app and he's been using it ever since! Loads of choice and doesn't cost much.

parietal · 19/11/2019 22:15

if she has an ipad, there are lots of apps with cross words / suduko etc. She could even get on mumsnet & start telling us what we are doing wrong.

does she listen to the radio? again, there are lots of good podcasts / radio downloads that could be set up on the ipad for her.

but if she wants to maintain her health, then being with other people is the most important thing. anything that gets her out of the house & into a group is good, even if she doesn't talk but just listens.

ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies · 19/11/2019 22:18

Alexa is fan, tablets/iPad works well for my MIL, and if knitting for short periods is possible then making several squares for blankets could work. I'm not elderly yet, but I like looking things up on YouTube. Whales, history, whatever. Can be a lot of fun.

NewName54321 · 19/11/2019 22:31

Sounds like my DGM. She can't physically to do most of the things she used to (reading, knitting, cooking, gardening, jigsaws) and struggles to learn anything new. Won't go to any activities, sent the mobile warden scheme people away as they asked too many questions.

Currently she's making a pompom and she has enjoyed "reading" the photo-programmes from shows we've been to. Other than that, we're out of ideas here as well.