Elderly grandmother help!

[Mollychristmas]

I’m desperate for some help with my elderly grandmother!

She is getting really depressed at the moment but won’t go out or meet people and doesn’t want anyone coming in to see her.

She doesn’t really have anything she can do and spends her days just staring at the wall.

She has arthritis in her hands, she has poor hearing (even with aids) and eyesight isn’t great although can see ok. She gets a bit confused at times and forgetful, we think it might be the early start of dementia but it isn’t too bad yet.

I’m trying to rack my brain for something she can do. I’m desperate to find her something that she can waste a few hours a day on but every idea I’ve had is no good.

She won’t watch tv during the day as she seems to think that’s ‘watching tv during the day is a bad habit she doesn’t want to start’. I have tried music/talking books but she can’t be bothered to use either her HiFI, boom box type thing or personal CD player, I’m not sure if this is because she is confused how to use it or just can’t be arsed.
She doesn’t read much and only very specific books that she then wants to save.

She knits a little bit is too confused to do new patterns and obviously the arthritis in her hands is getting worse.

She used to do jigsaw puzzles but she can’ sit at her dining table to do them anymore as she gets a bad back and it’s too heavy and difficult for her to have them on her lap.

She does want something to spend time on. She tells us that she is frustrated she can’t do anything and she is definitely seeming more sad and depressed.

Can anyone help me please? I’ve no idea what to try next so if anyone has any ideas I would be so grateful!!

If you do try a tablet/iPad, get a stylus for her.
My Mam has arthritis in her hands and finds her "poking stick" a Godsend. They are about £2 for ten on Amazon.
If she likes knitting, you could try a knitting loom hoop thing. There are lots of craft kits with them in, look at "kids crafts" in the Works and suchlike. They're designed to be easier and would be doable with less nimble fingers.
It might be that her eyesight is worse than she's letting on - maybe one of those big square magnifying glasses on a stand might help her read more.

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned but would she be OK with an Alexa type device? She could ask it for news, music, audio books, podcasts (that you download for her in her interests?).

You sound lovely and caring, hoepfully you'll find something to keep her happy

Thank you all so much for your replies!

I probably should’ve said that she is 91 so doesn’t get things like Alexa and quite honestly she wouldn’t be able to cope with trying to learn.

We did get her a tablet one year but she said it started to make her have weird dreams when she used it so she stopped. TBH she didn’t really know how to use it even with lots of instruction and notes, I think it just worried her.

I take her out once a month to a shop or garden centre but she won’t go out anymore than that as she now has to use a wheelchair when doing more than pottering around the house and she doesn’t like people to see her in it.

I feel really sorry for her as she is just waiting to die really.

She does spend time looking out of the window but there is only so much she can look at day after day.

She does have a cat that cuddles up on her so she spends time petting her.

I’m just at a loss really of how to help.

I thought about a pre loaded iPod with stories but there’s no way she could cope with it. She has got more confused within the last 6 months or so but is still aware enough to want something to do.

For company how about a lifelike companion pet. They are about 25pounds and 'breathe'. You can get kittens or puppies. Would she be able to manage simple sewing or embroidery. Her g.p surgery may offer community visits through their Health Champions or Friends.

Oh. Seen your update. She has a real cat already. Could she make a cat blanket. I can understand how she feels self conscious. It's no fun getting old sometimes. Could she create an indoor garden area with cacti and stuff like that.

RNIB have a few simple music/ audiobook players which might be easier than an iPod: shop.rnib.org.uk/rnib-communiplayer.html

It won’t occupy much time but has she got a bird feeder outside her window? Might be something for her to focus on a little bit. If she was interested in that, maybe she could have a go at one of the garden bird surveys they sometimes mention on TV.
I think is lovely you are trying to help. Unfortunately I think (from experience) there is a limit to what you can do. It does sound possibly related to depression and dementia.
Does she have any neighbours she gets on with? Would she tolerate visitors if she thought she was helping them, rather than the other way around? Such as her thinking she was doing a favour be letting a lonely neighbour call round sometimes?

If she’s sitting there in silence then try getting her over her thing of tv during the day. My elderly relatives love Talking Pictures tv for all the old films, and Radio 4 for days when their eyes aren’t up to telly.

At least it would fill her day and stop her being bored.

My 88 year old Granny was like this and it just ended up that she was depressed (and rightly so).

When the (other) grandkids started visiting more she got happier and in turn went back to her old self. Do you have anymore family and all of you pop around once a week for fish and chips/tea/drinks? At first it seemed a bit formal but we now all hang out there once a week, listen to music, have a beer and have a laugh and joke. I think hearing normal conversation/banter was something my Gran missed.

My Gran also has bad arthritis and stopped knitting which was something she would pass her days doing. Does she have any movement in her hands at all? Could you pass on any clothing that needs repairing? Simple zips, buttons etc. Within half an hour my gran seemed more normal as I guess there's not many things she can do to feel useful. I found that even menial tasks my gran loves doing for me, and I have to be creative to find them; sorting out my sewing box, looking after my veg window box, pairing up mix-match socks, testing old pens. Sounds silly but it gets my gran moving, something to do, a sense of achievement, still relevant etc. Has she made a scrap book, maybe encourage her to pick out her favourite photos and if she can write a line or two of the occasion.

Could you get her a couple of magazine subscription (magazines are larger than books), large word searches. My Gran is an absolute technophobe but loves her Alexa (you can change the name which it responses to); once it's been set up it's really easy to get to grips to.

A pet? Boxsets of old shows & films she used to watch. What's the reluctance re visits or going to groups, is it social anxiety, would she go if you went with her or have a visitor if you were there the first few times? Church? Then segue her, via that & a sympathetic vicar you've had a quiet word with, into their social groups? Our library has a seniors book group, does yours?

Try Contact the elderly. It's fantastic x

what about an old cassette recorder and some books on cassettes. Not hard to use and my nan used to love all the Mills and Boons cassette books