To really struggle with incessant singing, movement, fidgeting of my 9 yr old

[Lovemenorca]

A lovely, vibrant, intelligent, highly sporty boy.... who doesn’t stop moving. dancing, singing, making loud annoying noises.

It it relentless and drives me barmy on occasion. The only time he is still is if he’s watching TV. I’m tempted to get him on to computer games if only only for the peace! (We don’t presently have one as he’s never asked for one and I wouldn’t know where to begin).

I really does feel like an assault on the senses. On the other hand - it’s a young boy full of life and energy and i feel so guilty at sometimes thinking “shut the fuck up!” (Don’t get me wrong - I don’t hold back from telling him to calm down, just not quite like that!, but it really feels like it’s beginning to dominate our interaction.)

Anyone else in similar boat?

My gran was also like this, and knitted constantly!

My DM too, she never sat down, always at work (physical job in NHS) or doing domestic work, before becoming disabled and now has v few options

I doodle and get absorbed in work.

Wonder what DD’s things might be!

My dd1 is like this. She does not stop. She’s 10 and has always been like this, it’s definitely not a phase. She repeats herself, has a concentration span of a gnat, and is the messiest devil. Oh my days her bedroom 😱

Yes my 8 almost 9 year old does this. Sometimes just doesn't stop talking, absolute nonsense, if I ask him to stop he just keeps going, as if he can't help it. Also lots of loud noises, jumping around, shouting. I thought the toddler years were exhausting but this is just as intense. Starting to realise it's a long haul and not just cute babies then lovely quiet school children as I had previously assumed!

DS7 is like this. He just witters on constantly.
I don’t think it’s ADHD. School say he’s very well behaved and in the top 1/3 of the class, he concentrates there.
I just say DS stop wittering now which works for 5 minutes or so...

This is fascinating - thank you for responses

He is highly intelligent and exceptionally sporty - he’s at a prep school that really pushes the boys - his days are long and very full. His behaviour at school is good but could be improved because he’s shockingly disorganised - even amongst other 9/10 year old boys. He loses everything. BUT he is impossibly polite, represents the school at their key sports and an absolute whizz at maths - so I think this means the school cuts him a lot of slack when it comes to the disorganisation .

I struggle. Really struggle. Single parent and it really is exhausting. Ice just tried to have a chat with him about kit for tomorrow and he would not stop jumping and humming - and then of course had no recollection of what I had said. I ended up saying “good night” and walking out without a good night kiss because I felt felt battered.

Now of course I feel guilty!

Dyspraxia?

My two are like this between them. The 6yo is like Tigger on Red Bull and has been since he went in the jumperoo at 4m . Regularly absorbed into his own world, fortunately he does entertain himself, but there is constant chatter, chirruping and sound effects. DS1 is a squirmer and doesn't know his own strength. He has dyspraxia, and sensory issues although they haven't been formally recognised yet. He's bright and absorbs information easily and analyses things in forensic detail which can be mind-numbing when on the recieving end of a verbal barrage about WW2 weapons or computer games.

I often have to ban them from talking to me in the car so I can keep my focus safely on the road around me!

Minecraft is a saviour!

My DD was like that. By the time she got to year 5, we realized that she probably wasn't going to grow out of it like we hoped. She ended up being diagnosed with ADHD, which I'm actually surprised we didn't consider sooner.

Would he be able to stop if you took him to a wedding or funeral for example ?

* Would he be able to stop if you took him to a wedding or funeral for example ?*

Yes, he would. He definitely grasps situations and the need for different behaviour. Seeing him at the assessment day for his school - I was gonna smacked. This very serious formidably focused child.

Then... car ride home.... wriggling in seat, singing, pointing out endless cars.

So many of you are describing ADHD! It’s worth looking up as kids go undiagnosed because of misconceptions. For example, people with ADHD can concentrate beautifully it it’s something they’re interested in, but find it impossible when they’re not. Kids can compensate and achieve well but it’s exhausting. Talking is as much as sign of ADHD as moving, particular in girls. ADHD can get worse for women in adulthood as the pressure of life and organisation increases, particularly as it is exacerbated by oestrogen. Disorganisation and mess are also characteristic.

Screens can be very calming if you have ADHD.

Have you ever spoken to him about the constant singing etc? Maybe implement some quiet time or allocate a certain room where he can do as he wishes but he must keep noise level to a minimum.

Introduce some rules into the house and hopefully he will follow.

Also introduce him to checklists and have him repeat information back to you to help him understand things and not forget.

This is behaviour that can be changed (unless there’s an underlining health condition, but then then parents do put rules into practice).

Good luck!

If he grasps the need for different behaviour perhaps you’re enabling this behaviour by allowing it? Have you tried being tougher? I know it’s exhausting!

Oh I know the feeling of feeling battered after trying to engage in conversation. My 8 year old will read or watch tv quietly but all the rest of the time she's following me around fiddling with things and talking non stop. She walks around the house touching and fiddling with Every. Single. Thing. She comes across leaving a trail of dropped and damaged items in her wake. Every cup is spilled. She puts tiny items in her mouth. We tidy her room together and then within hours every drawer is open and there is stuff everywhere. She doesn't notice she's doing it. She can't switch off at bedtime and will try anything to keep talking at me. Tonight she begged me to have a physics debate with her but I just couldn't face it and she went to bed cross.

Further to my previous post, my DS is currently ticking and running around with a piece of sodding tinsel, chatting away to himself. He’s 8. Bed is not going to happen yet. He is an epic ‘masker’ so can behave at school and at appropriate times but my God I pay for it after! I agree with the previous poster that a lot of you are describing classic ADHD symptoms. I’ve just done a course on this very subject to be able to support my son and this all makes for very interesting and familiar reading!

@lilgreen He’s probably masking to deal with situations. See my previous post. It’s not a case of saying no or being tough

Dyspraxia?

Highly unlikely if, as the OP says, he represents the school at sports.

He just sounds like an ordinary, slightly exuberant kid to me. I get that it's completely exhausting but I don't think behaviour that's totally normal for millions of kids needs to be diagnosed as a disorder.

My 9 year old DS is just like this. Without the sporting prowess (but main part in all school plays etc., solos in choir.) I took him and his sister out to supper this evening and when we were waiting for the food to arrive it seems all I was saying was "Don't tap the table"/ "Don't slide your knife and fork up and down against each other"/ "Don't click your fingers" etc. Etc. It's exhausting. He also loses EVERYTHING and fiddles constantly and picks things up and puts them down somewhere else for no reason and all the time I feel like I'm constantly telling him not to do stuff that should be perfectly obvious not to do..... maybe one day they'll grow out of it....

Sounds like my 8yo and yes I find it extremely exhausting and irritating. Made worse by my own noise sensitivity. He is currently being assessed for asd and adhd and also masks at school. The only reason I'm still sane is because me and his dad split up and share care 50/50. You can go to adhd rating scales.com to do a free online questionnaire but asd can present as adhd.

My dd 8 is like this. Cannot seem to stop herself talking singing etc. Constant noise and movement. She has ASD though so try to be tolerant! It is very hard especially when I'm tired or stressed.

You have my sympathies
My step daughter is like this. Never still, quiet, constantly climbing on stuff, jumping etc.
Before you reach for the games console (not that I would judge if you did) have you thought about yoga? Or teaching him to meditate? There are meditation programs designed for children. He sounds like he does a brilliant job regulating himself at school and maintaining focus etc but learning to quieten the mind through meditation a good tool for anyone

He sounds similar to DD (7). Massively energetic, fidget, barely ever stops talking unless she's watching a screen. Seems to be pretty intelligent - advanced reader, & amazing memory for facts - but really struggles with concentration, she loses & forgets things constantly. Very highly strung. It was clear from her being very young that she's probably not NT.

She is under assessment for autism. DH & I are both autistic, she has elements of each of us.

My 4yo DS is like this. Verbal diarrhoea- literally does not stop talking.

When he likes something he's very enthusiastic about it. He watched Number Blocks on CBeebies and at school and us obsessed with it. All day long he is reciting numbers and sums. He was counting when I put him to bed tonight.

On the positive side he's becoming well advanced in maths 😂

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and I see the traits in my chatty, fidgety exceptionally sporty DS (10)He is super chatty, struggles today stay still (unless in front of a screen). His strengths are his general loveliness, boundless enthusiasm and sporting skills. However, he is hopelessly forgetful and disorganised.
His teacher has put some strategies in place to support him in class, which he has taken to well. I do really sorry though how he'll manage as life gets more challenging.
He wouldn't be considered for an ADHD assessment right now as he's far too high functioning. We know people who's DC's are really struggling but don't meet the CAMHS threshold. So, I just need to support and encourage him as much as I can, and be vigilant for signs that he's starting to struggle.

My 8 year old is like this, sometimes he genuinely makes me feel dizzy from all the prancing about. He just NEVER stops/shuts up lol! I do a lot of counting to 10 and deep breathing.

My mum bought him the Nintendo DS with built in Super Mario for his birthday and no word of a lie it’s the stillest I’ve ever seen him in his entire life. Only thing is he’s now obsessed so I have to keep a close eye on screen time, nevertheless the Nintendo worked. Get one!