To think that motherhood is the loneliest job going

[Blindspot82]

As above really. I love my two DC's. But I find it so very lonely raising small children. Doesn't matter how many baby-clubs I go to or how many other people I talk to at the school gates. Days can go by without me holding a meaningful conversation with another adult, that doesn't involve some aspect of the kids. Sometimes days go by without me talking to another adult at all.

I wouldn't change it for the world but OMG it's socially isolating. The relentless routine. The food prep. The housework. The picking up toys, all the fucking time. Repeatedly. When the kids are ill it gets worse. I don't leave the house, except to scurry over the road to buy milk and calpol and bread/toilet-roll.

Husband is out all day at work. I go to bed early, after the children have gone down so that I can get some shut-eye before the next shift. Feel like an unpaid domestic servant sometimes. I know it won't always be like this but I've come to the conclusion that motherhood is a lonely, tough job, and for a certain period of time you forgo your right to social independence. Does anyone else feel like this? AIBU? DH and I get on fine, but I honestly feel we live two different lifestyles right now.

Yanbu at all OP.
I was desperate to return to work by 3 months with dc1. So so hard. Even now (both dc at school) I don’t really have mum friends unless we have more than that in common.

Rant away @RobinHobb! I never earned that kind of money, but I earned a decent salary and I was busy and happy at work and I had a great boss who wanted me back, but like you I would've had to go back FT. There was no PT option available and I too wanted to raise my DC, not hand them over to a nanny and hardly see them.

As for how long my transition took from City worker to reasonably content SAHP - it took a while. DS1 is now 12 and DS2 is 8 and I'd say that this stage is 100% better than the pre-school stage. Being stuck at home made me stir crazy, as did going to baby music, baby yoga and the church play group - all of which made me want to scream! So both being at school, being able to study (I'm doing a 2nd degree), and have time to myself have all been hugely important. I too used nursery for sanity in the early years and good for you doing a Masters as well. It's so important to have an inner life, use your brain, get away from The Wheels on the fucking Bus and Peppa Pig. But don't feel you have to bake cookies and love messy play to be a good parent.

Yanbu. I adore everything about being a SAHM but it's not for everyone. Can you find a job?

Well not necessarily, mothers who work are still mothers. Mothers of older children are still mothers. Being a SAHM isn’t a job. If you’d have said being a SAHM to a baby/ toddler is lonely, that would be fair enough.

@RobinHobb surely if your DH earns in excess of 2-300m you can afford to do pretty much what you need. Get Nanny for longer, get a job that earns something and gets you out the hosiez9, increase your study days. Ok not 5 days a week necessarily but you could do anything part time you fancied.

@DDIJ can you not at least get out to playgroups? How old are the children?

I was lucky that. Pat of my NCT group had a year off and a few of us became SAHMs so we could meet up periodically for adult conversation, and also have a Messenger group if we need a moan, advice etc. DH does his share so I can go meet a friend for coffee at a weekend and decent friends who were happy if I brought the baby with me.
I know some posters have husbands who work away or crazy hours, but if tbryre home thry should be doing their share so Mom's can have some time to themselves

As for the

Yep, it's boring. I lasted four and five months respectively after my DC were born and went back to work pt. Felt 1000% better. Saved my skills, my pension and my sanity. Think long term, worth every penny of childcare.

I don’t blame pp for not wanting to work 70 to 90 hour weeks.
Tough isn’t it so many don’t earn enough for cc and others hours too long.
My old industry is hugely skewed towards younger females because people have to use a nanny to work (usually can’t get back by nursery closing) getting a bit better now days if the senior women (and men) leave on time.

I currently on maternity leave but we've decided I won't be going back. Didn't want to be a SAHM but will have to in the short term. DS is going through a diagnosis for asd and non verbal. He's such a wonderful little boy but it's not easy. I also have a 6 month old who is extremely demanding and pretty much worn me down some days!! Most of my friends have buggered off and im not able to take DS to many groups. My one good friend lives 40 mins away so can't meet up often, plus all the kids are usually unwell so often puts a spanner in the works. I adore my kids but it's relentless some days, especially constantly repeating myself, the same words over and over to help with DS's speech. It's shit some days but mostly I just get on with it. Thank god my parents are brilliant and only live up the road so I see my mum most days and speak several times a day.

YANBU, and I really feel for you because I remember feeling exactly like that when my children were younger. But honestly, I promise it passes. They will grow up and a) get free nursery hours during which you can have a bit of time to yourself at last, and b) become better company themselves. I genuinely love spending time with mine now, and they're still in primary school.

Hang in there. Join any toddler groups you can and try to sift out the like minded people. Podcasts or the radio during the day are a good way to not feel so cut off. And let your DH know that you're feeling low about that side of things. Mine had to be told several times before he really seemed to understand that I wasn't having a ball at home with the kids (he felt quite envious that he was missing out).

Good luck x