DD got fuck all for her birthday from anyone

[benetha]

She is saying she's not bothered but I can see she's hurt and so am I. We moved about a year ago (abusive relationship, needed to get away), it was quite sudden and she didn't tell anybody until we'd gone. Friends got upset and fell out with her over this, attempts have been made to rekindle contact but they don't seem bothered and it fizzled out. Couldn't get her into a school in the new area (she was Y11 at the time) at that point in the Year and so she wasn't socializing with anybody and I had to pay for her English and Maths GCSE.

She's now in college but she has only been allowed to do a Level 1 Btech due to only having 2 GCSE's, and most of the people in her class have learning disabilities, won't turn up half of the time or barely speak a word of English. DD hasn't been able to forge any friendships.

Her birthday was 2 days ago (am only making this post now as
I hoped something would come in the post a bit later but it didn't) and other than the stuff I got her (and the tenner bank transfer she got off her dad), she's got zilch. Fuck all. Not even a card. Didn't expect anything off friends but there's been nothing from my family or her dads family. Granted my parents are dead and my 2 sisters live 2 hours away and have a lot going on (grandchildren etc), but is it really hard to just write up a happy birthday message on Facebook? I did post something on my wall wishing my DD a happy birthday hoping to remind people and I know people read it but nobody sent her anything. It's Dsis's DIL's birthday next week and I was going to get her something but now I don't want to.

Nothing off her aunt and uncle on her dad's side either, she has a grandma alive through her dad but she has late stage dementia.

I know DD is upset because she said sarcastically to me before "I'll put a thank you message up for all of the good wishes.", and she was in bed all of her birthday checking her phone. In a way I want her to so everybody will see it.

I know this will be forgotten soon enough but I am so heartbroken for her. I know she's had a really hard time of it recently and I've booked 4 days in New York for us before Christmas with the last savings I had (her dream holiday) so at least she's got that to look forward to but I feel I've failed her.

[TowelNumber42]

Coming from an abusive home the both of you are probably excessively attuned to the moods of others. Also likely to feel a bit panicked if others are in a huff with you. You are over reacting, notice it in yourself and keep a lid on it. Think Hmmmph, goes to show they weren't good aunties and friends after all. If they cared they'd be being extra kind. Good riddance.

[ScrimshawTheSecond]

Oh, I feel for you both.

What a wonderful gift the trip to NY will be, you're amazing and she's so lucky to have you as a mum.

For what it's worth, I think birthdays can often end up being a bit shit - we hope for an expect so much, and they rarely end up as we would dream of them being.

My son (10) struggles a bit with friends, so I always put in massive effort for his birthdays, probably a bit too much, really. It's very, very hard to see your kid struggling.

However! I read something really good the other day, hold on, will go and find it ...

skepticalinquirer.org/2019/11/nine-evidence-based-guidelines-for-a-good-life/?fbclid=IwAR1Po_JVzEKANXlKUt8bI1DG_QQwqxqO-g6Dg9ARyrvhNzcSm80aq8duaTU

The relevant bit is #7: Just teach your kids how to cope.

Life can be hard - it's not up to us to make our kids happy (nor is it possible). We can try to help them through the hard times, is all, teach them ways to cope.

Although it still makes my heart ache when my son gets a snub from 'friends', I was amazed and quietly proud to see how he dealt with it recently. He was upset, he talked about it, he felt better.

If you're looking for the silver lining, this kind of shitty experience (that just about everyone can relate to, because it happens to most of us at one time or another) can show you both how lucky you are to have each other.

[QueSera]

Do you think they've just forgot? It is bad to forget family/friends birthdays, but it happens to me too the best of us. I find I need to give my family/friends a reminder a week or so before DC's birthday, and maybe the day before as well, as they're all v busy, and I like getting a reminder from them about their DC's birthdays.
You've certainly not failed her! You're there for her! If you can afford it, maybe do a birthday celebration this weekend, a film and a meal out at her favourite restaurant? Or a free event (museum, gallery etc - google your city for ideas) and a nice packed lunch? Or cook her her favourite meal? Bake a cake (Betty Crocker do great mixes and icing if you don't like baking), or stick a candle in an iced bun? Is there any possibility that you could invite anyone round for a little celebration?
You sound like a wonderful mum, good luck OP x

[TabbyMumz]

I cant understand why the local authority didnt find a school for her so as she could finish her GCSE's? Surely they have an obligation to? Its illegal if they didnt?

[TabbyMumz]

In my experience, teenagers dont use Facebook, so perhaps noone would see it? They tend to be more active on snapchat, instagram and the like. Facebook is old hat to them.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

How can it be okay that this young girl didn’t get a school place? That can’t be right surely. What did your MP say about it? Did you go to the press?

[Trewser]

A school would have had a place for her based on your circumstances. Too late now, obviously, but a shame for her. She needs to be able to move on and make her own, new friends. This is much easier with education.