Christmas

[Jon6b]

Every xmas since aged 18, my 30 year adult son goes to his live in girlfriend's parents in the north for xmas. This year he is staying at home and have invited them to his. When I said oh, how lovely, perhaps we should come over too, as we haven't spent much time with her parents. He said oh, I think she (girlfriend) would like to be with her parents only on xmas day! I think I might reassess my will as clearly we aren't as close as I thought. I have an idea to set up a bursary after my death to help single mothers go to university. Is that really awful?

I think it’s very odd to invite your selves to your DS’s home on Christmas Day, why didn’t you say something like ‘would you all like to join us for coffee/lunch/tea/meal out on another day over Christmas’?

Do it. He reaps what he sows and all that.

Sounds like the girlfriends speak rather than your son. Speak to him about how you feel. Does he visit you often?

"If you try to use your Son's inheritance to control him, I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to spend Christmas day with you"

Wtf? It's not "his inheritance". It's the OPs money to use however they please. Do what you want with it OP. Personally, I wouldn't not leave my money to my kids but that's me. I expect nothing from my own parents, I'd rather they spent it and enjoyed it while they're here. Book the holiday

It's a very weird thing to do if your only issue is Christmas. What is your relationship like the rest of the time?

My first thought was how seriously do the two families take Christmas - we have tended to see my family on Christmas rather than my partner's family because they are vocal about not being bothered about Christmas whilst my family have a lot of traditions around it. His gf's family might be much more passionate about Christmas meaning it just feels more logical to spend it with them and is the path of least resistance.

That's what I would say if you were a doting mother and there were no issues in your relationship, but honestly it's not coming across that way. You seem very focused on how you can retaliate and hurt him, and the only sign of affection you have shown towards your own son is describing him as "a nice chap". It would be great to hear more if I am wrong but you are coming across as pretty cold and distant towards your son, not to mention actively manipulative and vindictive. It sounds like he is avoiding you and this is very likely why.

This is a joke surely? Fine to be disappointed but also reasonable of the GF if she lives away from her parents. Absolutely ridiculous to even think about your will as a result. OTOH it's your money and if you'd like to do the bursary, that's fine, even if you were invited for Christmas.

Actually having read it back, I'd guess the thing about having her parents alone was your son trying to be polite about not wanting to spend Christmas with you.

What a bizarre post!

I don't think you should change your will just yet but I do think you should sit down with son and have a very serious talk about how much he has hurt you. Point out that most families are either all together or alternate. I would make the suggestion that if they are not going to spend Christmas with you that the least they can do is organise a lovely pre-Christmas weekend.

I would make the suggestion that if they are not going to spend Christmas with you that the least they can do is organise a lovely pre-Christmas weekend

Or the OP could?

Marnie76 Thank you for spotting the sarcasm. I was not being serious.
Speaking as a child who has been cut out of my DF's will for refusing to to do as I was told (in my 40s!), I'd also like to point out it adds a really toxic dimension to any future contact. If you try to use money to control him, you will never know the real motives for anything he does in the future. Is any kindness because he loves you or because he loves your money? Once you feel the need to use £ as a reward or punishment, your relationship with your DS is trashed anyway.

How are things the rest of the year?