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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I say something to his messy brother?

30 replies

Lgxo · 18/11/2019 12:40

Ok, so little background. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months, we was previously in a relationship for two years but then broke up for 2 years, to find our way back to each other.

He lives with his brother in a fairly decent sized house, they work away quite a lot. Recently my boyfriend has been working closer to home with his brother working away, so he comes home at weekends. I practically stay every night when my boyfriends working close to home and I stay at weekends regardless,

His brother will come home on a Friday, throw all of his clothes everywhere. In the dining room, on the landing. He won’t wash what he needs until the Sunday evening. He has a washing machine where he stays when he’s working away, so could always use that. I always buy all the washing stuff, softener etc. Anything that’s to do with cleaning I buy. I work 6 days a week and have Mondays off, I usually spend that day cleaning their house and then relaxing. I feel like me & my boyfriend always make sure there is clean towels, toilet roll, bin bags... and his brother doesn’t bother!

His girlfriend stays at the weekend too and she never clears up after herself either! They’ll leave takeaways lying about, mugs of coffee left untouched and general mess everywhere. Basically, he’s dirty!

I’m also 8 weeks pregnant and will more than likely be moving in with them both in the new year, as his brother is fine with it, they’re twins, so very close. It’s also a good way for us to save up money as I’d like to buy my own place in a couple of years. My boyfriend has said he’ll talk to him, but he never does and as the person cleaning up after them both on my one day off, I’m thinking I might have to say something myself...

OP posts:
OneDay10 · 18/11/2019 12:44

Your dp needs to address this with his db not you. I wouldn't appreciate someone moving in and bringing up issues to me in my own house.
Also you should stop cleaning up after everyone, he might be taking advantage of that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/11/2019 12:44

No! It’s not your house, you don’t officially live there, you’re not his mother.

More fool you for spending your time cleaning and buying cleaning products. I’m sure they managed before you half moved in by stealth. Has his brother agreed to you being there so much?

SeaViewBliss · 18/11/2019 12:44

As the saying goes - you have a boyfriend issue.
If you don't officially live there, it is not your place to say anything.

Its not really any of your concern when he does his washing - if you don't want him to use what you buy, keep it in your own room then he'll have to buy his own.

It doesn't sound as though you are all compatible to be sharing a house.

pumpkinpie01 · 18/11/2019 12:46

How old are they ?

ChuckleBuckles · 18/11/2019 12:48

I usually spend that day cleaning their house

Your BF is making a mug out of you.

I’m also 8 weeks pregnant and will more than likely be moving in with them both in the new year, as his brother is fine with it, they’re twins, so very close

Does the bro know that you and a new born are part of the deal? And "more than likely" sounds very vague.

billy1966 · 18/11/2019 12:50

OP, sorry but not your house.

Why have you set yourself up as house skivvy?
What's that about.

Stop buying cleaning products and stop cleaning up. Completely.

You are showing them how to treat you.

Not a good way to go.

DeathStare · 18/11/2019 12:54

It's not your house. It's not your place to say anything. You are a guest. If you don't like how the house-owners (and their other guests) keep the house then stay somewhere else. And stop cleaning it!

Letseatgrandma · 18/11/2019 12:54

You need to move into your own house with your boyfriend. You can’t move yourself in to their house and decide you don’t like how one of them lives in their own house! Not your house, not your rules!

It’s also a good way for us to save up money

It sounds like you want this brother for his wages and his house but you’re having a strop that he’s not tidy enough for you!

Get your own house and make your own rules.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/11/2019 12:57

Not your house so nothing to do with you. And I wouldn't be having a baby there either. Its as much the dbs house as your dps. He is entitled to relax as he pleases and that may very well not be in a baby friendly manner

MsRomanoff · 18/11/2019 13:08

Does anyone else here, read a thread and cen imagine exactly what thread the OP will be posting in 6-12 months time?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/11/2019 13:08

Not your house, not your place to say anything. Sounds like a weird set up to bring a baby into.
Find your own place.

onanothertrain · 18/11/2019 13:15

Not your house. You don't get a say.
If you move in it won't be any different but I suppose if you're doing it to save money the state of the place is just tough shit.

hazell42 · 18/11/2019 13:18

If someone came into my home and started cleaning it, I would be very pissed off.
You clearly think that you are doing them a favour, but unless they asked you to, you have no right to do that
Tell your bf to come to your house instead

Wendyasbury · 18/11/2019 13:25

Why are you staying there when your boyfriend is not there?

fedup21 · 18/11/2019 13:28

If I was the brother, I would very soon start to dislike being told what I could and couldn’t do by someone whose house it wasn’t!

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/11/2019 13:37

Honestly, if you move in nothing will change you'll just have a baby as well as all this mess. Stay on your own and move in with your partner when you can afford your own place.

AloeVeraLynn · 18/11/2019 13:40

It's not your house. You're essentially a guest.

monkeyplanet · 18/11/2019 13:40

Sorry OP their house. You can't change their dynamic because it doesn't suit you. You are the most recent arrival and not officially living there so have to accept the status quo. Would be different if it was your place with your partner and his DB was staying with you but it's your partner and his DB's place and you are living with them. Better for you are your partner to get your own place or save money and accept that is how they choose to live. I would be annoyed if a guest was dictating what I can and can't do in my home. It sounds awful but I think he is well within his rights as it is his home. And your partner is only having a word with his DB and bothered by the mess because you are bothered by it, if he was the one annoyed he would have addressed it ages ago or be addressing it without prompting from you

messolini9 · 18/11/2019 14:13

I work 6 days a week and have Mondays off, I usually spend that day cleaning their house

Why?
Why on earth would you do this?

Why can your boyfriend not stay at YOUR house?
& perhaps move in with you, rather than you moving in with him, his brother & girlfriend?

FraglesRock · 18/11/2019 14:14

I'd stop buying any cleaning things.
Not sure why you're staying there weekends if your bf isn't there?
I'd encourage a couple of baskets, one for each brother. So if I wanted to be in a tidy room, I'd put their stuff in a basket.
And I'd just tidy up after myself.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 18/11/2019 14:15

If my flatmate's girlfriend had a view on how messy or otherwise I was, I'd flip! It's none of your business! Equally, stop cleaning their house - you're being made a mug of.

LagunaBubbles · 18/11/2019 14:16

I usually spend that day cleaning their house

Just why? Confused

LagunaBubbles · 18/11/2019 14:17

And it's not your house. I would flip if someone that didn't live with me tell me what to do in my own house.

Beautiful3 · 18/11/2019 14:47

It's not your house so you dont get to say anything. If you start any Ill feeling, his brother will just say stop coming over then! Tread carefully and look at moving elsewhere with your partner.

fedup21 · 18/11/2019 15:01

I’m thinking I might have to say something myself..

I would love to know what you were thinking of saying!