Is it too soon to go on a date?

[MonstranceClock]

My husband died at the beginning of the year, and I’ve recently just had our baby. Obviously this year has been really difficult, as I’ve also been raising our older child and trying to finish my degree.
An old friend has asked to take me out on a date for my birthday. He has been attracted to me for years, and I do find him attractive too. I’m bi polar, so don’t always trust my own judgement with things, but I think I would enjoy going out for my birthday this year. But at the same time I feel awful guilt. I don’t know if adding this into the mix will make me feel better or worse. Aibu to just go? Or Aibu to not and go and wonder what if?

I would go. From the sounds of it you need to have a nice time!

Go sweetheart. Have fun!

Don’t commit to anything yet though eh?

Just let it play out slowly and see where it leads

What if's are awful ime.
Your old friend already knows you, nothing to explain, just have fun.. You aren't under any obligations to do anything you aren't comfortable with you know.

Go for it! You have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm sure your husband would have wanted you to be happy and to be happy for your kids too

Yes you should go...sounds like you deserve a nice evening out.

Give it a go. This guy knows your circumstances so should be sensitive and understand how you feel.

Perhaps think of it as just an evening out with nice company and take it from there.

I’ve just texted him and said I will go out with him at the weekend. Now I will spend all week worrying about it!

It sounds like an evening in the company of someone you have a long friendship with, would do you good anyway, after the traumatic year you have had. If it's just friends meeting up, then wonderful. If anything develops into a relationship, then wonderful. Be kind to yourself

I'm going to go against the grain and say it's a bit too soon but if you do go, take it really slowly

Finishing a traumatic year with a nice meal out with an old friend? Sounds brilliant.

Relax, don’t over analyse! If you have a great evening as just friends, good stuff. If it turns into more? As long as you feel ready then also good.

This is an entirely personal choice - and I speak from experience having been widowed myself last year. I always question anyone who says it is too soon because if you ask when is the right time - there is no answer to that either. There isn't a set five years in mourning wearing black and carrying a hanky period. As long as you feel comfortable with this person then I would say go and have a nice evening together.

As an aside - have you heard of the charity WAY (widowed and young)? The offer lots of support and advice and I have found them really helpful. They have a facebook group and various sub groups to talk about things like dating etc. WAY

I do feel comfortable with him, I’ve known him a long time. He was a good friend to my husband and I think that’s the but I feel guilty about.

Have a lovely time! There's no time-line on grief or how it should go or how long you should wear black and stay inside for. It's so personal. If this is something that will make you happy then you deserve that!

Personally I wouldn't but of course it is your choice. Hope it goes well.

What would stop you giraffes?

Yes definitely go, you deserve an evening out 💐

Yes go. An evening with an old friend sounds like a lovely idea.

Don't feel guilty and don't overthink it. It's just an evening out with a friend...see how it goes and come back and tell us

Experienced widow here. I would say an old friend is the best person to go out with on your birthday. Try not to think of it as a "date" in the romantic sense, but rather having a fun evening out on your birthday.
The guilty feelings are quite normal and can take a while to subside, but the point is that you are here and your late husband is not. It takes a while (as is very individual) to get over the ups and downs of being widowed, even after nearly 16 years I still get the occasional "moment", but they do become fewer and less intense.
Have a lovely evening and a happy birthday!

I think it’s because he’s used the word date. If he just said, let’s go out, it wouldn’t have been as daunting I think.

Babysitter is sorted so I’m definitely going! It will be nice to go out, I haven’t been out in a long while.

Hope you have a lovely time

I think I would go but would preempt any awkwardness by saying that you would love to see him but that you are viewing it as a great night out with a friend rather than a date

Would that also make it awkward though? I think it will be ok. He called in today for a coffee, and everything seems normal. I think I will just see how it goes. Time to get back out there I guess.

Another recent widow here who whole heartedly approves of you going to have a nice evening out. This is hard enough without judgement from others. May I wish you some peace and light on your birthday 💐