Is it too soon to go on a date?

[MonstranceClock]

My husband died at the beginning of the year, and I’ve recently just had our baby. Obviously this year has been really difficult, as I’ve also been raising our older child and trying to finish my degree.
An old friend has asked to take me out on a date for my birthday. He has been attracted to me for years, and I do find him attractive too. I’m bi polar, so don’t always trust my own judgement with things, but I think I would enjoy going out for my birthday this year. But at the same time I feel awful guilt. I don’t know if adding this into the mix will make me feel better or worse. Aibu to just go? Or Aibu to not and go and wonder what if?

Thankyou

Go for it, if it does turn into something romantic you don't have to rush anything, take your time, have fun, I'm sure you deserve it.
And I'm sure your husband would have wanted you to move on and be happy again.

Nobody else is hearing screaming great alarm bells here? No one?! I'd strongly suggest contacting him again and saying that you need a friend right now and are not actually looking for romance yet. His reaction will tell you all you need to know...

I don’t know what I’m looking for at the minute.

What are your alarm bells @ImFreeToDoWhatIWant? If it was immediately after OP husband had died I would be suspicious but it's been .. 8 months? Presumably he's been interested in her this whole time and acted appropriately?

I would be less worried about the time that's gone since your loss. The question really is whether this new man is a good man? Is he kind and respectful- did he treat your husband well? Will he be good to your kids?

I was widowed at a young age 20 years ago. I say date whenever you feel ready.

And perhaps a socially unacceptable thing to say but while I didn't date for about 2 years after I lost my partner ... I was bloody desperate for some sex!

I hope you have a lovely time 😊

Imfreetodowhatiwant

I do hear you.

Op is open to it. Sounds like a date is making her think about the prospect of dating again rather than making her fall for this guy.
If these friends are feeling hooking up then that could be very mutually enjoyable. If doesn’t have to be the foundations of a forever relationship.

If op is back in a weeks time and he is in love and wants to move in (cocklodger- thanks mums net for giving me a word for it) I will be shouting loudly with you that he shouldn’t be moving fast with her while she is in this vulnerable state emotionally

I’m not going to rush into anything. I just want to go out for an evening and try and have a nice time.

Sounds too soon to me, I definitely wouldn’t but you obviously want to so doesn’t matter what others think

It does matter, I don’t want people to think I’m a terrible wife and mother. But, it is just dinner and a drink.

Can only say what I would do (or wouldn’t in this case)

Sounds fine to me. You are understandably cautious and that is good too. Take one day at a time.

It does matter, I don’t want people to think I’m a terrible wife and mother. But, it is just dinner and a drink.
Screw them. You know how short life is. You know how precious. Doesn't sound like he's going to be pushing you into anything or is just trying to get you into bed, and you owe him nothing so you pay completely on your terms. But if this will bring you happiness go for itm. It's one Dunnet. You can work out what comes next if anything, after it

People will judge whatever you do. You can't live your life by those who judge you.