Is he hiding it?

[ThisMightSoundOddButBearWithMe]

DH went out last night while I was at home with our 3DC’s who were nightmares for the majority of the evening (all under three and one of them is a breastfeeding 2 month old!) Sunday’s are my lay-in days and literally my only opportunity to have an hour to myself, so despite his likely hangover, I’ve made DH get up with the kids like he’d normally have to do today, as me having a tiny ounce of 'me' time is important too!

Anyway, whilst I was laying in bed trying to nod off again, I noticed his wallet wasn’t on his bedside table. He’s the type that every day without fail/after every night out, will put his phone, wallet and keys on the side. I wondered if maybe he lost it last night (though I’ve known him a long time and he’s never lost a damn thing!) so I leaned over and checked his coat and jeans which were in a crumpled pile on the floor right next to the bed, as I couldn’t be bothered to get out bed just yet to go and ask him if he still has his wallet. The Wallet wasn’t in the clothes he was wearing last night, so now here’s where it might get weird and my spidey senses are tingling for some reason.

IF he hasn’t lost it, which in all honesty, I don’t think he has, then that can only mean that it was left in his jeans over night, but that he’s then gone through the jeans this morning, retrieved the wallet and put it in his dressing gown pocket which he’s currently wearing. He has no plans to leave the house in his dressing gown, he’s sitting in the front room with our DC’s while they have breakfast. Never in his life has he put his wallet in the pocket of his dressing gown, but, if it’s not that he’s lost it, then the only place the wallet can be right now, is with him.

For some reason I’m feeling like something fishy is going on. But id like some opinions. Why would a man (potentially) put his wallet in his dressing gown pocket, rather than leave it in last nights clothes, or leave it on the side?

Do you have trust issues? That's a whole lot of conclusions from a missing wallet!

Full of receipts from lap dancing clubs.

You are overthinking this and drawing conclusions based on facts that only (thus far) exist in your head. Just ask him.

Is there a reason you’re suspicious of him? I can’t think of a reason he’d hide a wallet?

You think there are condoms in it?

Maybe his wallet was on the floor and he absentmindedly grabbed it before dealing with the kids?
Maybe he paid for a taxi, had his wallet in hand and put it elsewhere?

That's a really massive leap OP! I'd say there's a 99.9% chance that there's an innocent explanation!

Or he lost it and hasn’t realised yet?

Taken the wallet downstairs so he can order stuff online?
Lifted it out of his pockets on the kitchen side last night?
Why would he hide a wallet, it’d either be empty or not.

I don’t mean to sound patronising but I think you’re very very tired. I’m in the same boat and thought I was halluncinating my bedroom door opening last night. There is absolutely nothing suspicious in your really detailed post

Yeah there are trust issues. He kissed an old work colleague last year and didn't confess to it until I dug around for the info. And he's recently lied to my face about extending his overdraft in a big way.

I know it sounds bizarre to jump to wild conclusions, but I'm almost certain he hasn't lost it. But putting in his pocket now makes no sense.

Maybe he needs a credit card to buy you a lovely present from an on line store for Christmas ...

I really find it bizarre that people ever think like this. I’d be pretty devastated and think my DH had lost the plot if he came on a forum to ask what possible reasons for me putting something I normally put somewhere, somewhere else

Unless there is a huge drip feed coming (“he slept with someone else and used a story about his wallet to hide it!) then YAB massively U

I think you are probably overthinking this but after what happened with the colleague It’s understandable. I hope there’s a logical explanation.

Believe me, I know it sounds crazy. But it was only a few days ago he lied to me about something, and he has a history of being deceitful with me so my guard is up and I notice things

If he's hung over he could have just put it there absent mindedly. I occasionally find strange things in my dressing gown pocket. Spoons, mostly.

Hope you find a logical explanation.

I think the issue is with him lying to you about kissing someone, about money and lying again just a few days ago. The wallet thing has got all your alarms bells ringing but it could be and will be anything, because you know he's dishonest.

My advice is to address the deeper issue of his lying, if you can find the strength.

But if there was something incriminating in his wallet wouldn’t he just bin it?
Unless I’m misunderstanding your post?

Receipts, condoms, phone numbers, keepsakes. Poor OPs mind is racing with possible incriminating wallet based items! But it's the trust issue not the actual wallet that matters.

If he had left it on the bedside table would you have gone through it?

I can't imagine ever being in this situation but I imagine if he knows you're going rifling through the receipts to bollock him for spending £30 on a round, he's probably just opting for the easy life.

If you don't trust him and he's played away before, of course it could be suspicious- only you know how suspicious a missing wallet is in this situation!

You'd assume if there was something dodgy in wallet, that he'd have got rid of it before he got in, but maybe he was too drunk and forgot? He did come straight in and fall asleep within seconds..
Perhaps he woke up today and thought 'oh shit, (whatever it is) is still in there, best keep it with me'.

I'm hoping with all my might there's an entirely innocent explanation behind it, but after being cheated on, being lied to about money and having to deal with a bunch of other shit he's hidden from me and lied to me about, it's very very difficult for me to not automatically assume the worst.

How can you live like this? Seriously? He kisses other people, is untrustworthy with money and there’s more - how are you still together?

I would just ask him casually and if he wants to know why say you were just concerned he'd lost it. In reality if there were something untoward in his wallet then he's probably ditched it by now anyway, if he's downstairs without you, it wouldn't make sense to keep it in his pocket IMO. Not that I think there is anything going on but I understand why you'd worry in the circumstances.

I wouldn't have gone through it if he'd left it out, no. I never do. I was always of the assumption that you wouldn't leave a wallet in plain sight that might have something in that you didn't want the other person to see.

We live in a flat, and our bedroom is basically adjacent to our lounge and is next to our kitchen, so I know he's not trying to hide anything in the rubbish at the mo.

Honestly. I totally get how bat shit this all sounds and I wish so, so much that this wasn't the way my mind works these days. But when trust has been broken several times in the space of a few years, it's very difficult to not jump to conclusions