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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's not ok to get pissed whilst hosting a sleepover

53 replies

Jumanji89 · 16/11/2019 23:04

Last night my DS 10 was at a sleepover at his best friends. We know the parents pretty well so had no concerns. His friends sister (7) also had a friend over so all seemed normal. This morning we went to pick up ds and it looked like there had been a party and a lot of empty alcohol containers. I asked whether there had been a party and they said they had a few friends over and were absolutely hanging. When we got home my ds confirmed the parents had got drunk despite having my ds and their dds friend over and that in the middle of the night both had been throwing up. I'm absolutely furious and don't know whether I should confront them and/or tell the other child parents as well or if I'm making too big a deal about it. Personally I wouldn't dream of consuming alcohol when responsible for other people's children and feel that they should have been more responsible. If there was an accident or emergency they were in no fit state to deal with it.

OP posts:

WyfOfBathe · 16/11/2019 23:34

No one is incapable of responding to an emergency

Someone who is throwing up from alcohol is incapable of responding to an emergency properly.

JaniceBattersby · 16/11/2019 23:35

I think people have no idea how scary it is for children to see adults in an uncontrollable state of drunkenness which involves vomiting. I still remember this from my own childhood and it was awful. I laughed it off at the time.

It’s absolutely not normal and there’s no way I’d ever let my kids see me in that state, never mind someone else’s. To the person above saying it’s normal, it’s really not.

RedLipstickHighHeels · 16/11/2019 23:39

Good points well made @JaniceBattersby
It is scary for children to be with out of control adults and it is unsafe

Dilkhush · 16/11/2019 23:42

YANBU that's terrible behaviour. I'd never let my child stay there again.

Fuzzywig · 16/11/2019 23:45

Jeez I won’t even have one drink when I have the kids I wouldn’t dream of getting drunk like this. Is it a regular thing? Is it normal for this family?

Ilovemypantry · 16/11/2019 23:45

@Wheredidigwrongggggg* I can’t believe you think it’s ok to be paralytic in charge of not only your own children, but other people’s children too. Accidents/illnesses can happen anytime so to be so drunk you couldn’t drive or deal with an emergency is totally unacceptable. I wouldn’t leave my child with you overnight, that’s for sure!

Mamabear4180 · 16/11/2019 23:46

Totally and utterly unacceptable and irresponsible! I’d tell the other parents in case they don’t know.

VenusTiger · 16/11/2019 23:50

@Wheredidigowrongggggg so you think it’s acceptable to normalise utter drunkenness to the point of throwing up - they threw up because they’d poisoned themselves!
It’s NOT okay.

@Jumanji89 I’d be concerned that your DS thought it was funny on overhearing them vomiting - obviously I understand why he thought that, he’s only ten - do tell him that abusing alcohol is not normal.

Original poster

Jumanji89 · 16/11/2019 23:52

@Fuzzywig they do like a drink yes however I didnt expect last night to be a night where they got drunk. There was no mention when I dropped off ds last night though. I also assumed that as they had 4 kids in the house they would be responsible. I suspect that this isn't the first time it will have happened.

OP posts:

WhatsInAName19 · 16/11/2019 23:56

It’s absolutely unacceptable to be drunk and in sole charge of young children. Nobody who has drunk themselves to the point of sickness is capable of dealing with an emergency or caring for a child (one of whom is just 7 years old!). To allow them to actually see you in such a state of drunkenness that you are vomiting is wildly inappropriate and probably very frightening for the children concerned.

Anyone who thinks this is acceptable has extremely poor judgement and is too irresponsible to be looking after young children.

Hell would freeze over before my child went to this house again. I would also definitely tell the parent(s) of the 7 year old.

Original poster

Jumanji89 · 16/11/2019 23:57

@VenusTiger We have had this conversation with him today (not the sort we were expecting to have if I'm being honest). Dh and I don't tend to drink often and if we are going out or having friends over for drinks we will arrange for grandparents to have at theirs him but even so I we don't tend to get into such a state.

OP posts:

Flaskfan · 16/11/2019 23:59

I.think.kids clock drunken.adults more than people think. I.remember hating being awake when my dad came home from.the pub cos he'd become mawkish and sentimental and just....off..I'd have been freak ed out in.someone else's house.

managedmis · 17/11/2019 00:00

They couldn't have a weekend off getting so pissed they were barfing to host a kid's sleepover?

What if one of the he kids had had an epileptic fit / really ill/ stomach bug, etc etc?

managedmis · 17/11/2019 00:01

They sound about 18, bragging they were 'hanging'

SoEverybodyDance · 17/11/2019 00:05

Awful lack of responsibility. My son is asthmatic and our sleepovers are a thing of anxiety for everyone.

Also, a terrible example to demonstrate to a 10 year old child.

I'd be fuming. I wouldn't talk to the drunken parents about it, since they'd never have my child over again. I would talk to the 7 year old's parents though, so they can choose whether to send their child to a sleepover again.

PigletJohn · 17/11/2019 00:38

It is very distressing for a child to find their parent comatose, vomiting, or incapably drunk.

GuessWhoColeen · 17/11/2019 00:43

The parents could have had other pissed up adults in the house, wandering into bedrooms looking for a loo to throw up in.

That would be bloody terrifying for a child in an unfamiliar house and I would be really pissed off with the parents.

DangerClose · 17/11/2019 01:15

No one is incapable of responding to an emergency

They were so drunk they were both throwing up. I'd say that makes them incapable of effectively responding to an emergency, wouldn't you?

feelingsinister · 17/11/2019 09:09

I'd be angry that they chose that weekend to have a sleepover. It was probably deliberate so that their own kids were occupied while they had a party but you should have known that and had a choice to make. You could have hosted if they'd wanted the kids out of the way.

I think there's a difference between getting shitfaced all the time and having an occasional party which I wouldn't have a problem with but both being so pissed they're puking is too much. Although it's amazing how quickly people can sober up in a crisis as I did during a house fire.

My own parents had parties and I've been at parties where the hosts have had children but these were fun and good natured and the children knew all the people there well. That's different to being in someone else's home and not really knowing who is there or what is going to happen.

Neither being able to drive in an emergency wouldn't be a big deal because not everyone can drive or has access to a car and I wouldn't drive my own children or anyone else's even after one drink. There are taxis and if needed 999.

I'd be honest and tell them that you know about the party and that you're not happy about it. Otherwise sleepover invites might keep coming and it will get awkward for your child and you to keep declining them.
If you know the parents of the other child I think I would tell them so they can also make that choice.

JaneKnigh · 17/11/2019 09:15

Lesson learnt, no more sleepovers!
If it comes up just tell them.
No need to "confront" any one

honeybeetheoneandonly · 17/11/2019 15:27

For my own piece of mind I would ask. Maybe the prawns were dodgy.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2019 15:30

Ugh, massively inappropriate and totally grim.

Who wants their child exposed to that?

I’ve never understood adults who are incapable of monitoring their own alcohol consumption.

BonnesVacances · 17/11/2019 15:33

I'd message and say that DD had mentioned they'd been sick in the night and that you hope everything is ok? I wouldn't let DD stay again though.

Ginger1982 · 17/11/2019 15:48

I'd be raging. If I was watching someone else's child I would make sure either DH or I were sober in case of needing to respond to problem or drive a child home. Getting so drunk you puke is pathetic anyway to be honest, worse when you're in charge of kids.

PablosHoney · 17/11/2019 15:54

That’s a massive no no! I mean having a few glasses of wine is fine, if there were to be done awful catastrophe I’d call an ambulance anyway but to incapacitate yourself to the point where you are vomiting in the night 😱 hell no

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