To feel like I can't go anymore

[Hurthal]

I do Parkrun every Saturday and have done for the last 18 months.

Last week I saw my (abusive, controlling) Ex partner there, he was in the first timers brief.

We split 8 years ago, I'm happily married now. I lost a lot of weight since then so I don't know if he'd even recognised me.

I've had nothing but nightmares all week, and I'm sweating and feeling crap now.

I've told DH I don't want to go (there's no other PR close) but he says I have nothing to hide away for and it's my life I'm allowed to live.

Am I being ridiculous to be so affected all these years later?

OP I'd like to say don't hide away but I'd be the same if I saw my abusive ex, it does impact you years later and you have nothing to be ashamed of but dont do anything that will cause you distress.

No, you’re not being ridiculous at all!

I’m a bit torn on this one too. Part of me thinks don’t put yourself in a situation that you’re not comfortable with. It’s not worth the stress, worry & making yourself ill over.
You are what’s important, not him.

BUT the other part of me thinks no way! The PR is YOUR thing. You’ve got no reason to hide away. You are a strong woman in a happy marriage with supportive partner now. You have lost weight & enjoy your fitness for yourself. Fair play to you, keep going and just look down your nose at the bully if he does recognise/speak to you. He doesn’t own you. He has no control over you any more. He’s nothing!
Standing up to him in this situation, (or merely blowing him off if he does speak to you) if you feel able, Id imagine would be so empowering and would really ‘set you free’.

Good luck & remember your worth, whatever you decide.

Surely you were bound to run into him at some point if you live in the same area? You will continue to won't you?

You can only do whats good for you.

No, there's nothing unusual in your reaction,but its up to you know what you do about it to take control of your life back.

You may find that you will work through the shock of seeing him like this, and will move on. If you don't, then you should probably get some support for it so you can overcome those reactions. Above all keep yourself safe whatever that takes.

I agree with your dh that you shouldn't have to change your life to accommodate your ex but your wellbeing comes first and its about whatever you need.

You can run anywhere, and I would try to keep it up as its so beneficial to you and also what your body is experiencing right now.

Give yourself a break whilst your brain prpcesses the shock and run somewhere else for a bit,then perhaps try again and see how you get on?

Run with your DH and a group of friends this week. He might not even come back. Pay him zero attention. If he recognises you, just acknowledge it and then walk away.

It's your place that you love. Don;t let him invade it. he might give up after a couple of runs. Lots of people do.

Pay him zero attention. If he recognises you, just acknowledge it and then walk away.

I wouldn't acknowledge him at all.

Practice looking through him.
If he's in you line of sight focus on the things around him.
Don't catch his eye.

Thanks so much for your replies, DH suggested he come with me and anytime I wanted to leave, I could, but to try.

I did it

I did see Ex, he didn't see me, but I'll practice my best 'look through him' ' stare incase he's there again next week.

I'm really proud of myself. A bit shaken, but proud.

Well done OP. You did brilliant.

Well done Hurthal!

Well done op! He may not become a regular anyway.

Great!
Remember if you don't see him, he can't make eye contact.

Your DH sounds great!
And well done for all of it...the recovery too

👍 well done you!!

Brilliant - we’ll done!

Well done!!

Well done! That's so brave.

Well done OP!

Well done OP - it takes courage and strength to do that so I take my hat off to you.

Thank you so much.

I wouldn't acknowledge him at all.

That's interesting. I thought a brief, cool acknowledgement - like a nod and then turn your head away might work better than out and out ignoring which might make some people confrontational (as in, 'What, can't you even say hello?') but maybe completely cutting him dead would work better.

Well done!!!

Well done!!! I haven’t seen my controlling abusive ex in 3 years and would feel physically sick if I saw him

Well done you!

I would be the same if I bumped in my exh randomly without any preparation

Well done

That’s amazing for you! Well done.

I go to the gym and I see my x boss who was an absolute terror. I left my job she bullied me out. Anyway when I see her I stare her out, hard and then I take all that adrenaline and emotion and have the best work out!

I know it’s not the same as an abusive ex, but taking those negatives and using them to run your best could work for you too.