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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a DP one...

48 replies

Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:08

Just got back from taking the kids away, (one baby, one toddler) for a week with friends. Fun - yes! Exhausting - also yes.

DP has been working, full time. But has had the evenings to himself & has done nothing but socialise with friends and sit on his butt (judging by the place when I got home.)

I asked for a lay in tomorrow, could he get up with the kids.

He went ‘yeah alright... I spose 🙄’

AIBU to think his had plenty of down time this week & I deserve this lay in?

OP posts:
isspacethefinalfrontier · 15/11/2019 23:09

Really?

Is this an issue?

TALK to him

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:12

@isspacethefinalfrontier it’ll just turn into who has it harder, i can’t be bothered with justifying myself tonight.

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 15/11/2019 23:14

Okay so the tone of his reply wasn’t stellar but he said yes? I don’t see there’s a problem, I do the majority of childcare as a SAHM and DH gets a lot more social freedom than I do despite his working full time, he still gives this sort of shrugged reply when I ask for a lie in.

When I asked previously why he sounded resentful he looked genuinely shocked, laughed and said he wasn’t resentful, he just found it weird I always justified why I deserved a lie in before asking (in a nice way). Since then I just say, I could do with a lie in tomorrow morning- you’re on twin duty, if anything goes tits up (not that it ever has) you know where I’ll be Smile.

steff13 · 15/11/2019 23:15

You said you wanted to sleep in and he agreed. Does he have to have a positive attitude about it too? Just enjoy your lie in.

NaviSprite · 15/11/2019 23:16

But I do understand your annoyance - it’s like they’re being asked to be the martyr to beat all other martyrs sometimes - the affected sighs, the shrugs and looking skyward, I still have the urge to smack my DH around the back of his head when he does it Grin

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:19

‘Yeah course you can love, must of been a tough week on your own with the kids after all I get stressed after a few hours on my own with them I was going to offer anyway! Oh & would you like your chocolate by box, bar or barrel?’

Would of been a better response to be honest.

OP posts:
steff13 · 15/11/2019 23:21

I suppose it would have, but does it really matter?

PeopleWhoRun · 15/11/2019 23:23

He's a man, it would be lovely for him to say "yes alright love etc etc" but most of them are not wired up that way, unless what you're asking of them suits them.

He did say yes, so try not to let it wind you up, accept it graciously (call him every name under the sun if you want - in your head) and enjoy your lay in Flowers

PawPawNoodle · 15/11/2019 23:24

I don't understand, did he force you at gunpoint to take the children away for the week thus making you solely responsible for them? From the way you write your posts it sounds like it.

You asked, he said yes. Job done. I don't really see what you've done to earn a barrel of chocolate.

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:27

It does in a way, yes I still get the lie in but it just makes me feel like he doesn’t appreciate the fact having kids has been 80% sacrifice on my part & 20% on his, every week, every month, every year.

Just be a decent bloody person/dad & do your fair share without acting like you’re doing me a favour?

Also, I know if it was the other way round I would of bloody missed my kids after a week & want to get up with them in the morning!

OP posts:
PeopleWhoRun · 15/11/2019 23:31

It sounds like you're just knackered to be honest.

He might have thought you'd have missed him and got him breakfast etc - absolutely not suggesting this is what you should do.

Think about your lovely holiday, the time you've had and chill out

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:31

@PolPotNoodle no, I took the kids away so they’d have a nice time, the older one anyway. I went for them. But in doing so, he had a nice chilled out week where he ate take aways & went to the pub & lazed in front of the tv! Which is fine & what I expected him to do, & enjoy.

But then, when your partner gets home don’t you think you say right... you have a chill now. I’ve had my down time, I’ve missed my kids, I’m gonna get up with them Saturday morning, so have a lay in - recharge.

OP posts:
Biggie123 · 15/11/2019 23:32

Totally agree with you.
I’d be wanting a ‘Ive missed the kids and I’m thinking i’ll Take them to xxxxxx, would you like to come with or have a morning off?!’

mawof3soontobe · 15/11/2019 23:36

I agree with you OP, you are most definitely not BU. Currently, I have an 11yr old, 7yr old and a 4mnth old.... I do every night feed as BF, I'm with baby all the time and I've just recently managed to get DP to agree to having baby from 6am until his work shift starts at whatever time that morning and he literally calculates the exact minutes he's looked after him! Casts every bloody minute and activity up! And don't get me started on him blatantly posting photos captioned "early starts with my boy" etc just to show the world what a lovely dad he is being there for his baby in the mornings.... After his full nights sleep! Meanwhile I'm walking around like a burst couch with four months of broken sleep Angry

mawof3soontobe · 15/11/2019 23:36

Sorry for ranting on your thread about my own life, I must've needed that Blush

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:37

@PeopleWhoRun yes, knackered. Not meaning to drip feed, but I also get up with the kids through out the night every night mon-sun & never ask him to. Would be pointless with the youngest anyway (BF) but the eldest is a terrible sleeper so I’m always up & down with them.

I dunno, I’m definitely holding some resentment about how much we each do & this was just the straw that broke the camels back & made me think oh fuck you... I guess!

OP posts:
Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 15/11/2019 23:40

@mawof3soontobe I think you did need that! Glad it’s off your chest 🤣

@Biggie123 yeah, exactly. That’s not a lot to ask of a parent is it?!

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 16/11/2019 00:28

I still don't agree, sorry. You've been on a week-long trip away while he's been working. He's had some spare time in the evenings and has seen friends occasionally, while you have been having fun with your children and friends. If I were your partner I'd think that you've had chill time away and wouldn't realise that you would need even more.

You asked him for a lay-in and he said yes, so it's all moot anyway.

JusticeForSandra · 16/11/2019 00:30

You need to chill and get some sleep. I doubt the trip was that important for the kids if your older one is only a toddler!

After a full week at work, I just want to sleep frankly. I get up for the kids because I have to, but I could still see them later! I get his point.

If my partner comes back from a weekend away and I've been at work, no, my first thought is not that they need to rest and I need to take care of things Grin

JusticeForSandra · 16/11/2019 00:31
  • a WEEK away, sorry.
hopelesssuitcase · 16/11/2019 00:34

Haha at chill time with two small dc

Original poster
Birthdaycakemondays · 16/11/2019 00:42

@hopelesssuitcase Haha at chill time with two small dc

😂😂 yep! I didn’t even have a shower alone.

OP posts:
MrOnionsBumperRoller · 16/11/2019 07:41

Bet he thinks you've had a wonderfully restful holiday OP Grin

Vulpine · 16/11/2019 07:45

He's a lazy ungrateful fecker.

parrotfashionista · 16/11/2019 07:47

I totally agree with you OP - you shouldn't have to ask. My DH did the same. I came home to no washing done or no food in the house and he was in a bad mood despite having four days chill out time.