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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I save more for DNiece than DGodson?

37 replies

Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:26

I save £10 a month for my DGodson. He's 18 months.

My sister Is about to have her first baby. I was going to save the same amount for DNiece, but I don't know if I should maybe save a little bit more for her, say £15 or £20 a month.

I just know that DG has a big family who may well be saving for him, whereas DN won't have anyone else.

I should add, neither of the babies' parents know, and the accounts are/will be in my name. I intend to hand it over when they're looking to get a house or buy a car. It won't be a massive sum, but I want them to have a little amount behind them because there is nothing worse than having absolutely no safety net at all.

AIBU to put more away for DN, or should I keep them the same?

OP posts:
Minionbums · 15/11/2019 16:28

It’s a bit of a strange question that no one can answer but you. I can’t imagine they’re going to compare the sum you’ve given each child. Does seem unusually generous, can you afford to save that much? I can’t even save that much for my own children.

PooWillyBumBum · 15/11/2019 16:32

You don’t need to worry about it now. Save the max you can and then when the kids come of age you can decide how to split dependent on how close you are/what they need/how deserving they are!

We are wrestling with something similar in that my first born’s grandparents are very wealthy so she already has a substantial trust fund. I’ve invested £100 a month for her and am now pregnant with number two and am investing £200 a month for both of the kids. Our solution is to keep the money ring fenced in my name and decide how it’s used later on. If I’ve bred two serial killers we will go travelling instead.

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:35

I can’t imagine they’re going to compare the sum you’ve given each child.

No, I suppose you're right. This was my worry really.

Does seem unusually generous, can you afford to save that much?

Well I'm by no means rich, but I'm well enough paid and don't have (or want) children of my own. In my early 20s I got into debt to the tune of about £300, and even though it was a small amount it led to many sleepless nights and a CCJ because I just didn't have any savings at all. I would hate for them to ever be in that situation. I don't notice the £10 coming out every month.

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 15/11/2019 16:36

I would save more for a girl. The world is still sexist and a girl needs an emergency fund as well as a proper career (training for which could be costly).

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:37

If I’ve bred two serial killers we will go travelling instead. Grin

That's not a bad suggestion actually - turning the money intended for DG into an account to be split between the two of them and putting £20 a month in.

OP posts:
Hecateh · 15/11/2019 16:38

I would save a little more for her if you can if you feel she is the one most likely to be in need of it.

As it is all in your name anyway, you can always adjust what goes what way according to need later.

Loosenisous · 15/11/2019 16:38

I would definitely take into account the wider picture. Allocate what you can without seeing yourself short OP.

HUZZAH212 · 15/11/2019 16:38

Agree with pp see how best to divide/balance the amounts as and when the time comes. A lot can change in circumstances over a 17/18yr period.

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:39

I would save more for a girl. The world is still sexist and a girl needs an emergency fund as well as a proper career (training for which could be costly).

Very fair point, but if ever she, god forbid, needed an emergency fund to leave a bad relationship, I would've thought that would come after when I'd be handing the money over.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/11/2019 16:40

Are you thinking you should because one DC is family and one DC is not? Or some other reason?

Instinctively I’d say I’d save more for a niece than a godchild, but I agree with others - in your situation I’d save into an account for both and divvy up accordingly at 18 or whenever you choose. Make provision in your will too if you want to.

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:41

Agree with pp see how best to divide/balance the amounts as and when the time comes. A lot can change in circumstances over a 17/18yr period.

This is very true. I wonder if I should put it all into one account instead of two different ones?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:43

Are you thinking you should because one DC is family and one DC is not? Or some other reason?

That's a hard one to answer, because I do love DG very much, but I suppose yes is the honest answer.

OP posts:
Raphael34 · 15/11/2019 16:43

I’d save more for a blood relative than a god child. And it sounds like she’s need it more

FizzyGreenWater · 15/11/2019 16:47

Put the total amount into one account in your name only.

Then wait and see what the future brings! one might do well and the other not. You might fall on harder times and need that money far more than either of them!

Molteni · 15/11/2019 16:48

That’s difficult. Is your godson related? I give more to my godchild (son of my sister) than to my other nieces/nephews – regardless of their families etc. I think it’s fairness. They’re only young (more when they get older); 70€/month for my godchild, 50 for the others. He also gets more for Christmas etc…

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 16:51

No, *Molteni', he's the son of my oldest friend.

OP posts:
OlaEliza · 15/11/2019 16:54

@Molteni Why do you give more to one child than the others?

HUZZAH212 · 15/11/2019 16:58

I would put it all into one account because you'll get a better rate of interest on a larger sum of money than 2 smaller pots.

silencebeforethebleeps · 15/11/2019 16:59

Gosh, I didn't realise that this is something people do. I'm not saving for anyone, and no one ever saved for me - not even my parents.

Raspberrytruffle · 15/11/2019 17:00

All the kids in my family get the same unless it's an acquaintance child that I've met once or never then it would be a token gift, I'd consider my God child the same as my nieces

Original poster
Bringofbridge · 15/11/2019 17:03

Didn't even consider the interest, Huzzah. Is it worth it for such a small amount? It would be £3000 each by the time they're 25, so a nice enough gift but I'm not sure it'll make much interest with the rates as they are.

Gosh, I didn't realise that this is something people do. I'm not saving for anyone, and no one ever saved for me - not even my parents. No one saved for me either. It's why I'm so keen on DG & DN having some savings.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 15/11/2019 17:07

Does your godchild have siblings? If so, have you considered that your cash gift might cause some jealousy later with other sibs who do not get the same or similar from other godparents? Also consider if others come along, you might feel obliged to do the same for each. If you end up with 10 godchildren and 17 nieces and nephews, that is a lot of dosh!
Have you thought about doing a £150 premium bond for each and leaving it at that?

silencebeforethebleeps · 15/11/2019 17:09

No one saved for me either. It's why I'm so keen on DG & DN having some savings.
I imagine it might start a positive cycle of generosity. It's a kind thing you're doing.

Frenchw1fe · 15/11/2019 17:12

When my husband reached 18 his godparents gave him some money, I don't think his siblings were jealous. Nothing was said.
However it wasn't a huge amount but still a very kind gift.

Molteni · 15/11/2019 17:16

No, Molteni', he's the son of my oldest friend.*

Then I would probably give your niece more since she’s related; and she will probably need it more.

Or like others have said put it into an account: decide the split later on and give more to the one who needs it more/ you have a better connection with.

OlaEliza

Well he’s my godchild, the other ones are not. It somewhat evens out since the other ones also have godparents.

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