AIBU to think you shouldnt blame everything on "pregnancy hormones"

[BeanBag7]

There seem to be a lot of threads (particularly on AIBU) where women say "I'm 13 weeks pregnant so probably over-reacting" or "I'm 36 weeks pregnant so I'm probably being unreasonable".

AIBU to think that being pregnant doesn't affect your faculties that badly? Are women made to believe they can't make rational decisions because of "hormones"? Did you find you genuinely were more unreasonable when pregnant?

I don't think it's so much they are made to believe they can't rationalise. I feel lots of women use it to justify their behaviour knowing people are less likely to pull them up on it, particularly on here.

To be honest, and being pregnant at the moment, I am more haphazard during pregnancy. Instead of being pragmatic I'm more emotionally driven. Don't get me started on baby brain either.

However, this is only in a limited aspect. I do still have the brain function to make rational decisions...despite what others believe. I think it all stems from a patriarchal society that has made a generalisation many years ago and has been considered the norm since? That's a whole new can of worms though.

Some people blame hormones for their bad behaviour. I was never rude due to being pregnant because that's not who I am. I was more emotional but I still had self control and would let it out when I was alone.

I also feel like men blame pregnancy hormones to try and make women feel their perfectly justified feelings are irrational.

Pregnancy hormones can make you react more emotionally than you otherwise would.

I'm only just pregnant now and yesterday I got quite emotional giving a lecture I've given several times before with no issues. It was really noticeable. I'm glad I did it now and not in a few weeks, when I suspect I'd burst into tears.

I think it’s hard to estimate how much your life and attitude is dependant on hormones. Anyone who suffers pmt can attest to the fact that they respond completely differently to the same situation depending on time of the month.
I know 2 or 3 days after I have a baby, the sudden drop in hormones make me totally unreasonable- I know I’m being way over the top but I can’t helpbacting that way and a good cry after really helps. Now I know my husband isn’t really stealing my baby and he shouldn’t really have to psychically guess what I wanted for dinner but these are things I’ve genuinely got super upset about when hormonally charged. Luckily. Dh was amazing and didn’t respond with anything but kindness. I think it’s entirely reasonable, and indeed responsible, to question whether your response when due af or pregnant, or post birth is actually sensible or over the top. It makes it easier to deal with when you get upset that your pizza is the same one as you normally get but you fancied deep crust for a change and your dh didn’t know that.
This post makes me sound unhinged but genuinely am on top of hormones except for that ‘magic’ post birth time. I would never judge because of that, except for if you can’t see that hormones are making you crazy. Ex sil I think of you when I say that haha.

You also get it about periods. "It's likely my hormones but" I really think it's why women get a bad reputation, if you behave badly own it. It's an excuse.

In theory I agree with you, but the reality for some- not all- is that the hormones can actually change your personality. I am like this with PMT and I really hate it, but it is a thing.

There are a lot of excuses onhere for bad behaviour, this is one of them. So is,' oh I am on the spectrum, got ahdh, it, s a full moon', teen daughters hormones etc etc OPgetting their excuses in first....

I think hormones can have a different impact on different people. I have always seemed to be over sensitive to hormonal changes - eg. hormonal birth control can really make me feel weird.

Whilst my periods don’t normally cause much of a change, I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and seem to be way more emotional already 😭

I had massive anxiety during pregnancy so I think it can definitely affect your brain in unexpected ways.

However, I agree that there's also a lot of internalized misogyny on here about pregnancy and childbirth making women stupid and irrational. There was a thread recently about "baby brain" which was an absolute eye-opener. I believe in baby brain to the extent that having a new baby is an absolute shock to the system and, combined with extreme sleep deprivation, it can temporarily make parents absent-minded. But the tone of the whole thread was very "definitely, OP. My brain has never been the same since having children. My children are in their teens and I'm still so hilariously stupid and can't do my job properly because I'm so ditzy. Isn't that cute and funny?". It was bloody depressing.

YANBU

Some people blame their hormones for everything, whether they're pregnant or not.

Ironically, they're usually the sort of people who overreact to everything anyway.

As a woman I find it embarrassing and would prefer they just owned their personalities.

I don't think you can generalise OP - pregnancy really does affect people very differently.

I had some pretty awful panic attacks mid pregnancy with DC1. Never had them before. And now with DC2 the seemingly endless weeks of nausea (which I didn't get at all with DC1) have had a knock-on effect on my energy levels, mood and decision making. Agree with pp that I'm less pragmatic and more emotionally-driven and that probably is hormones.

I don't agree with people using pregnancy/hormones as an excuse for being a dick though.

Sometimes its not the hormones but other pregnancy related things that do genuinly make you act differently.

I was really 'stupid' for the first 5 months of this pregnancy (as in baffled by instructions, couldn't do my dissertation), it was a combination of cyclizine (anti-sickness medication that makes you drowsy), low blood pressure and not enough food!

Emotionally I felt like my usual self though.

Everyone is different but I was much less rational, more emotional and cried immediately at anything / everything. It was horrific - I felt like my body had been taken over by someone else!

YANBU. Pregnancy definitely has made me feel more emotional and "haphazard" as @Hellofromtheotherside2020 very accurately described it! But it's not that difficult to acknowledge (to yourself) that it's likely hormones making you feel like that, and then to choose not to act on those feelings.
Every person feels all sorts of rational and irrational emotions over the course of the day, but most adults choose not to indulge the irrational ones.

YABU. Pregnancy makes me feel bonkers, I just completely lose my marbles at times and the hormones are definitely to blame because I feel fine a few months after birth.

YANBU. It undermines the case for equality and is responsible for comments like "must be your time of the month" and "women are too hormonal for [role]".

I defno felt more hormonal
And I could not tell if I was reasonable in my feelings so didn’t react just encase.

I found this more so in the weeks after having the baby but then I was depressed also

I’d like to think I don’t behave badly, but as someone who tends to be quite in control of their emotions pre pregnancy I have had a few occasions where I have burst into tears over something that perhaps wouldn’t have knocked a feather out of me before, so I can second the hormones can make you more emotional and maybe sensitive! That said I haven’t been completely irrational or lost all sense!

I am 36 weeks pregnant and much more emotionally driven. I am an extremely rational and factually driven person and rarely do I even show my emotions normally but on some occasions I have been so surprised on just how powerful they are.

My partner suggested spending an outrageous amount of money on a wedding gift for a friend whilst we are trying to save for maternity leave and rather than just saying, 'that's too high, sorry', I literally burst into tears, started hyperventilating, called my partner a dick (first time either of us has raised our voice to the other), got in my car and drove around for three hours ignoring his calls. Did I know I was being unreasonable? Yes. Did I care? No fucking way.

After a few hours and again being able to look at it rationally, I went home with my tail between my legs and apologised! Hasn't happened before pregnancy or since those initial stages in the first couple of months where your hormones are really ramped up! But it makes me understand just how powerful the changes in your body are and how it effects your mental state.

I'm peri menopausal and now keep a very close eye on my cycle as I get clumsier and anxious at certain points.
I don't see why pregnancy wouldn't have a similar impact on some women.

I was completely unreasonable (in the most literal sense) in the second month if pregnancy. I am also completely unreasonable for the week before my period starts. Oh the joys of hotline fluctuations.

I think there's a difference between using hormones (based on pregnancy or menstrual cycle) as an excuse for poor behaviour and an acknowledgment of 'oh, it's probably me' (and using that insight to help you behave more reasonably or to apologise if you've been a bit of an unnecessarily emotional idiot).

It's not helpful to wander around acting ditzy and claiming 'pregnancy hormones' or 'baby brain'. But sometimes it does help to reflect on the fact that it isn't everyone else - it actually you (and a hormonal reaction).

This week I've been switching between freezing and boiling. Recognizing that it's actually me (snd totally hormonal) and not the temperature of the room is only fair to everyone else in the house.

Equally, I think the knee jerk rejection of menstrual/pregnancy/menopausal hormones as an issue is a bit of a reflection of underlying patriarchal values. We can have a reasonable discussion of the fact that fluctuating hormone levels are an important part of many women's lives without accepting some Victorian narrative of female hysteria. And, actually, the refusal to talk about it only really benefits men.

In some cases hormones do have a part to play when it comes to emotions, but it doesn't give you an excuse to be a dick.

My ex good friend just stopped talking to me suddenly when she was pregnant. During a texting conversation I mentioned I was having a glass of wine then suddenly I was blocked. Mutual friends couldn't explain what I'd done wrong and she wouldn't give an answer. Months later she began talking to me again and I asked what I'd done wrong and her answer was "pregnancy hormones innit!" as if that's a good reason to ignore someone for months.

I remember being so up and down during my pregnancy but I didn't take it out on anyone.

I have insomnia. Started after going through the menopause.

After giving birth to Ds my brain went.
Literally couldn’t remember how to do the simplest things.

Hormones govern so much. It isn’t just about behaviour.

Your physical health is governed by your hormones. Excess or depletion of hormones can cause cancer or heart attacks.

So pregnancy hormones making people unreasonable or emotional has to be expected.