AIBU to think you shouldnt blame everything on "pregnancy hormones"

[BeanBag7]

There seem to be a lot of threads (particularly on AIBU) where women say "I'm 13 weeks pregnant so probably over-reacting" or "I'm 36 weeks pregnant so I'm probably being unreasonable".

AIBU to think that being pregnant doesn't affect your faculties that badly? Are women made to believe they can't make rational decisions because of "hormones"? Did you find you genuinely were more unreasonable when pregnant?

@Bluntness100 - "You also get it about periods. "It's likely my hormones but" I really think it's why women get a bad reputation, if you behave badly own it. It's an excuse."

100% agree. We play into the stereotype of the emotional, irrational and incompetent female when we act like that and it only reinforces the misogyny.

OF COURSE there are changes to body and mind when it comes to hormones but it is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

I battle with myself on this regularly, as I obviously cannot abide the ‘must be the time of the month’ brigade. However, it doesn’t feel right or true to claim that hormones can’t cause (sometimes huge) behaviour changes.

I suffered terribly after changing contraception shortly after the birth of my baby, and I was genuinely unable to behave as I normally would, or even see that I was behaving any differently on ocassions. My partner said I was virtually unrecognisable. I was far more irritable, I was paranoid, my mood swings were awful, and I know looking back that I must have been horrible to live with. Thankfully I was like a different person once I changed contraception again (though am now suffering PND which I genuinely believe was kickstarted by the issues I had with it).

So I do think it happens. But also don’t think it should absolve us from having to apologise if we’re a dick!

I was entirely normal when pregnant, no tears, no eating Brussels sprouts and ice cream on toast or whatever. Once baby was born though I became very emotional and felt really vulnerable for a very long time. Hormones affect us all differently.

Absolutely!
Never suffered anything like what you read on here in any of my four pregnancies. Just can't get my head around it.
And the women who say stuff like I just burst into tears in Tesco because they didn't have any unsalted butter/ cos I saw a cute dog / insert other complete non event here
It just makes me think that I'd dislike them immensely at any stage of their life for being an utterly ridiculous, dramatic twat.

This drives me mad too, it's like an excuse to do what you want. In the 42 weeks I was pregnant I never used it as a reason to snap at DH, or take anything out on anyone else, despite being in constant pain with bad sciatica. I probably felt a bit more emotional and would cry ay films more easily etc but that was it

Hormones are powerful chemicals. Of course they can make you more or less prone to certain behaviours.

I had two babies in the 70s and never heard of them until our daughter was pregnant, they seem to be the go-to reason/excuse for anything that goes wrong. Pregnancy isn't an illness, stop treating it like one and you'll feel a lot better. Moodiness etc isn't compulsory!

Moodiness isn’t compulsory

Do the teensiest bit of research: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/chemical-messengers-how-hormones-affect-our-mood-42422

Hormones aren’t a myth. They do affect the mood.

Did you find you genuinely were more unreasonable when pregnant

My DH would say yes!

Pregnancy isn't an illness
Pregnancy isn't an illness (it's hosting a parasite) but it can make you ill. I had sciatica, PGP, carpal tunnel and all sorts of low immunity problems when I was pregnant, recurring and massive mouth ulcers was a particular favourite.

Like a pp said, hormones are powerful chemicals, they affect different women in different ways. I can't take hormonal contraception because it makes me ill.

First pregnancy 11yrs ago, bit more weepy than usual.

This time round, with twins and honestly, I've had some insane moments.

I'm quite a non reactive person in normal circumstances. I dropped the last piece of Nutella on toast on the floor and wept like someone had died a few weeks ago. I've had inexplicable road rage. I've accused my mother of stealing. Fuck knows what I was even thinking looking back on that one. I'm paranoid, snappy, then the next day I'm like Mary Poppins.

It's absolutely the hormones.

Hormones do affect individuals to different extents. Each month I hit a point of feeling wiped out and irritable and wonder why, then I look at the calendar and you can lay money on my period being due 8 days later. I wasn't like that before DCs, but my cycle was very different and the concept of women knowing in advance what day their period was due was mind blowing. Knowing what week or month mine was due would have been handy.

Pregnancy isn't just hormones. There's early pregnancy exhaustion, nausea/ exhaustion screwing up diet, insomnia, pain or discomfort etc. There are a lot of reasons why the usual balance of mood and emotional reactions are off kilter.

It's not a free license to be as unreasonable as you like, but it is worth acknowleging that there are times when women don't react in their usual way.

I don't think it excuses poor behaviour, but I do think that hormones play a role in the way that you feel which, in turn, can affect how you behave.

When I was six weeks pregnant I was really snappy with my DP. I knew I was being a bitch, I could tell I was doing it even when I was, but I so tired and irritable that I couldn't help it. That was only to my DP though, I could hold it together around other people.

I recently miscarried and the plummet of hormones affected me really badly. I was incredibly anxious and was working myself up in to a frenzy based on very little evidence of anything being wrong. I do find that there's a very strong link between my hormones and my mental health - I had PND with both pregnancies and I consciously avoid hormonal medication because it affects my mood.

With that said, poor mental health is also not an excuse for bad behaviour, but I think it can affect the way you perceive things or how much something can affect you.

Nope. Pregnancy hormones make some people fucking crazy.

Including me.

Hormonal changes do affect mood and how we respond to things, BUT I think women do themselves no favours when they seem to use time of the month / preganncy hormones as a get out of jail free card for unreasonable behaviour (especially given how pissed off they'd be if a man joked about them being hormonal when they display the same behaviours they've spent ages minimising in the name of women's issues).

I think there needs to be a more measured view where it's accepted that pregnancy hormones make a difference, but they don't justify acting like a bitch or being out of order and nobody should be expecting a free pass for behaving like a dick because theyve put "pregnant" in their post.

I definitely think some people use it as an excuse. However I remember during my first pregnancy being completely in shock at how it affected me. I would forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence, I became noticeably clumsy and did daft things like putting the milk in the pantry and the tea in the fridge. The more you do those sorts of things, the less trust you have in your ability to think rationally.

Hormones are powerful things, and when I was pregnant I would find myself uncharacteristically weepy about certain things on occasion.

But there’s no excuse for bad behaviour. That’s a different thing entirely. An ex friend of mine threw an epic tantrum at me for not agreeing with her about something she felt very strongly about and refused to back down, long after I’d said perhaps we could agree to disagree. Accused me of all manner of made up things and then blamed me for her upset because SHE was hormonal. The next day she came back, again told me she was “stressed, exhausted and hormonal” from her pregnancy and demanded an apology, yet couldn’t articulate what I needed to be sorry for. We don’t talk now.

Another woman I know somehow gets away with throwing abuse as well as more solid things at her husband when she’s premenstrual. Every month he has to brace himself for the onslaught. Madness. Total madness.

Have you seen the thread at the moment zippety where pregnant posters share things they've cried over?
It's brilliant.

@LolaSmiles oh I haven't, will look it up. I will never forget a story someone I was on a pregnancy forum with shared, it made me laugh so much.

She said she had made two cups of jelly. When she went to eat one, it hadn't finished setting and she was so upset she threw it in the bin and cried her eyes out. She waited a few more hours until the other one was set, then cried again because now she only had one not two. 😆