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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make DS wait as long as he makes me wait?

41 replies

ExpatInAGrump · 14/11/2019 17:14

DS is 10. Asked him to get ready for bed 30 mins ago. He has shut himself in his room and is refusing. DH is home in 10 mins (we're not in U.K. it's later here) then we will eat. Both DC are exhausted and 7 year has caved and gone to get ready. DS's lessons start at 715 tomorrow so he has to be out early.

When they ask for dessert, WIBU to say, yes, but they have to wait as long as I had to wait for them to get washed and into pjs?

OP posts:
Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 14/11/2019 17:24

YABU too much conflict for me.

Crazybirdlady · 14/11/2019 17:26

It'd be no dessert I think?

cheesydoesit · 14/11/2019 17:27

Don't bother with games. Just say 'no' to dessert.

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 17:28

Are you the adult or child?

kenandbarbie · 14/11/2019 17:29

I'd just say no dessert. Why be rewarded for bad behavior?

raspberryk · 14/11/2019 17:29

He ran out of time for dessert by messing around getting ready for bed.

CheshireChat · 14/11/2019 17:31

Hmm, I'd say yes if he were older or if he needed picking up or something, but in this case I'd just say no to dessert.

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/11/2019 17:35

No they don’t get dessert and make it clear why

Dyrne · 14/11/2019 17:35

This is possibly showing me up as a non-parent; but why is it so important they change into their PJs before dinner? Surely they can just change afterwards?

Spitsandspots · 14/11/2019 17:39

Are you saying they are getting into pj then eating? If they are exhausted why are they eating so late? Can’t they eat earlier? If they are hungry and exhausted no wonder they are acting up.

Ellapaella · 14/11/2019 17:42

I say pick your battles wisely. This doesn't seem like a battle worth having to be honest. He is tired and hungry, he's going to be cranky.
How will the 7 year old eat if they've already gone to bed?
I have DC of similar age - they eat at 5pm or they'd be climbing the walls.

LynetteScavo · 14/11/2019 18:36

I thought the OP meant she would be eating with her DH so she wouldn't be able to deal with the DC.

If pudding is tonight I just wouldn't bother giving them any. If it's tomorrow YABU and petty.

Original poster
ExpatInAGrump · 14/11/2019 18:38

I know, I know really but 🤯
Any thing he wants has to be this second, yet when I ask him to do something it's a door slammed in my face or flat out refusal or takes 50 minutes of chasing or I have to resort to shouting. I kind of want him to experience how long it takes him to do what he's asked.

If they get ready for bed (I.e. washed and pj's) then we only have to brush teeth after dinner which we eat when DH gets home.

OP posts:
Dyrne · 14/11/2019 18:40

He won’t appreciate the lesson, OP.

Have they at least had a snack at some point before dinner? How are they usually going to bed straight after dinner? Doesn’t it feel uncomfortable?

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 18:41

Perhaps them eating this late isn’t working. What time is it when your dh comes back?

Original poster
ExpatInAGrump · 14/11/2019 18:42

Of course they had a snack.

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 18:44

Your kids are clean enough eaters to eat in their PJ's?? 😮
What time was it where you are when you posted

Original poster
ExpatInAGrump · 14/11/2019 18:47

DH was due home 1820. We would eat at 1830.
DS is still not ready (1945)
DD is exhausted and in bed - but the bathroom is through her bedroom so she can't go to sleep til he's out.
They should be in bed by 8pm.

OP posts:
Stooshie8 · 14/11/2019 18:54

Better to have given the warning about no dessert when you told him to get out of room.
Why eat so late?

TwattingDog · 14/11/2019 19:05

A 10yo in bed at 8pm? Seems very early. So does putting a child of that age into pyjamas around 6pm.

Would you not get less kickback if or was more age appropriate, and they put PJs on at bed time not dinner time.

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 19:06

If you’re eating at 630pm, surely there’s time to put pyjamas on afterwards?

Thestrangestthing · 14/11/2019 19:10

You want your ds to put his pj's on before 6.30 pm? I thought you weren't in the UK?

Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 19:10

I also think eating at 6.30pm doesn't require PJ's on before. But that's all by the side. I think the main issue here is your kids aren't respecting you. I wouldn't be giving deserts or other treats either tbh.
8 pm doesn't seem particularly early for a ten year old to be in bed.

Poppinjay · 14/11/2019 19:15

I don't think it matters what order they get ready for bed.

The point is that he's not doing what you asked. The natural consequence of not doing things in a reasonable timeframe is that you miss out on things that were due to happen afterwards.

I'm not usually in favour of denying children food as a sanction but , in this case, I would warn him that he has x amount of time and, if he's not ready, there will be no time for dessert/story/spending time with Daddy or whatever else he looks forward to at this time.

This is all on the proviso that he doesn't have a tendency towards any processing/working memory/executive function difficulties that make the tasks unmanageable for him, especially when he's tired.

LannisterLion1 · 14/11/2019 19:20

If they still have to eat then what does it matter if they changed half an hour ago, or 10 minutes before? So long as they are ready when dinner is.

Pick your battles. They are ready for dinner, if not you dont wait for them to eat and no desert.