Friend and other friend’s adult son

[gerritez]

I can’t figure out how I feel about this so thought I would ask you lot.

I have an friend, let’s call her A(45) who has an adult son (25). Another friend, B (36)in our group who is single has recently been pretty flirty with the son and had confided in me that he likes her too.

I know that he is an adult and it’s not really anything to do with me, but she has asked for my advice and I just don’t know what to say. I know that A will find it pretty weird and I’m not sure could continue the friendship.

If it makes any difference we have all known the son since he was 16. It just feels a bit odd to me. Aibu to tell her that or should I just tell her to go for it?

I think it's massively disrespectful to A if B were to start dating her son.
It's bizarre.

Is B prepared to sacrifice her friendship? And have a really awkward relationship with a potential MIL.

Also agree the fact she's known him since he was 16 makes this super creepy. When did she start fancying? When he was still little more than a child?

The age gap is not much in the grand scheme of things but if your friend has also known him since he was a child I find it gross. She should be prepared for the fact that the dynamic of her friendship will likely change and she could lose a good friend. If she is ok with that then fair enough.

Cougars like toyboys

I think there are always certain people that are "off limits" and a friends son would come into that category for me. I would have said to her straight up "ugh no, that is weird". I have a 30yr old DS and, even at that age, it would just be damn creepy if one of my female friends dated him.

I had my DD at 20 and when she was mid 20's she had a large group of friends. One of them was a mid 30's male (so 10 years younger than me). I met him at a party DD had and he started flirting with me. I shut it down pronto! I have dated guys 10 years younger than me, but a friend of my DD? No. Just no. DD had also noticed the flirting and we later discussed it and she said herself it made her feel very uncomfortable. As I say, some people are just off limits.

Hmm. I'm fat approaching 50, and I have friends in their twenties and friends in their eighties.

If one of my younger friends was to start dating my twenty something son, I'd be fine with it. They are good people. But I think, like in this instance, if there was a ten year age gap, and they'd known him since he was a teenager, I would be less ok with it.

Tricky one.

I mean, I meant to say fast, but if the cap fits

Like most on here, I don't think the age gap is the problem. I'm 26 and DP is 34, and it's never been an issue, ever.

Of course they're both adults, but I think it's crossing the line. She's known him since he was a child, so it feels all shades of wrong. I can't ever imagine taking fancy to someone I'd known since before they got to adulthood (obviously excluding people who grew up together, the same age). Makes me queasy, to be honest.

It could really negatively affect the friendship group if it goes tits up, too, and it's probably you that'd be caught in the middle OP, come to think of it.

If it were me in your position, I'd tell her honestly that I thought it was weird. I think she already knows this anyway, hence confiding in you in the first place.

Yes they’re both consenting adults but she’s actually thinking about going off with her friends son?!!!! What’s right about that!!!!