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AIBU?

Is this a bad sign

29 replies

barelegs · 14/11/2019 13:38

What would tyou think if s man told his gf of twelve months that even if they didn't work out in the future ,that she would know how to treated by another man in the Future having gone through a previousabusive relationship

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barelegs · 14/11/2019 13:56

Bump. Any one please?

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BeThere · 14/11/2019 13:58

Are you in an abusive relationship now?

barelegs · 14/11/2019 13:59

No.

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barelegs · 14/11/2019 13:59

I was for years.

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PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 13:59

Is this you?

Have you been through a previous abusive relationship?

Justmuddlingalong · 14/11/2019 14:02

So he's your saviour, even if you don't work out?

antisupermum · 14/11/2019 14:03

I wouldn't be offended by that comment. Assuming he does treat you well, he is just meaning that you should know in future that you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve. I would think he means that you should learn that you do not need to put up with the crap your ex put you through and not to allow it again.

If he doesn't treat you well, then you need to reflect on when you are having relationships with arseholes.

user1473878824 · 14/11/2019 14:04

Are you upset that a year in he’s said “if it doesn’t work out” OP?

barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:06

He treats me well but we differ on what we both want in the future. I definitely want kids. He's not sure. It was during this conversation that he said that comment.

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AryaStarkWolf · 14/11/2019 14:10

Are you worried that he wants to split up or is it that the comment about you knowing how to be treated?

barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:22

I felt that he was dropping a disclaimer into the conversation. I don't think he will move on the kids thing.I am in deeper than he is into the relationship and he knows that.i am fearful that he might dump me someday.I also thought it was arrogant but didn't know if I was being unfair.

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LochJessMonster · 14/11/2019 14:22

Its a bit odd, I would be concerned that a) he is thinking of breaking up with you and b) that he thinks he is the gold standard of boyfriends!
Its a bit arrogant!

TheMidasTouch · 14/11/2019 14:27

It sounds like he is saying that he doesn't think your relationship is going to work out in the long term (maybe because you want kids and he possibly doesn't). He is basically being nice and telling you he probably isn't the man for you but at least you now know you don't have to accept being abused.

Sallyseagull · 14/11/2019 14:32

I would think hes saying he knows your relationship wont last.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/11/2019 14:32

You want kids, he doesn't. This is an absolute dealbreaker. His apparent attitude that he's the gold standard in what a man should be is just the cherry on the icing.

Break it off.

barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:34

Ok.I asked him how he felt about me.He said he was mad about me but couldn't see what the future held.He is 34 and is not sure about marrying or children.He got quiet when I suggested moving in together and said that he is not ready for that and that he depends on his tenants to supplement his mortgage and to lose that would drop his standard of living at the moment.

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barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:35

He isn't sure about kids.

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PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 14:40

It sounds like you want different things.

Embracelife · 14/11/2019 14:41

Dump him

barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:41

Is he leading me up the garden path?

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Bluntness100 · 14/11/2019 14:42

He was just saying he treated you right and didn't abuse you like your ex and he'd wish you to look for that same treatment in future partners and not get with someone else abusive.

He does not sound like he wishes a future with you op, I'm sorry. Not the kind you'd like anyway.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2019 14:43

I don't think he is leading you up the garden path op because he is not making you false promises, he's being quite clear.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/11/2019 14:44

Yeah, if he doesn't want kids and you do I really don't see how it would work tbf

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/11/2019 14:45

Are you a similar age to him? He won't change his mind about having kids at 34 and you don't want to waste your fertile years on him

barelegs · 14/11/2019 14:45

We are together still and very involved in each other's lives and family and friends.We spend important occasions together and see each other frequently.why does he stay ?

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