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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to give my ex partner 15k

64 replies

Sima1415 · 13/11/2019 18:29

Please help up until recently i was in a domestic abusive relationship for 13 years we have now split 6 months ago and i have said in the family home with our two DS's who are aged 5 and 4. Today i have secured a new mortgage to pay him out The mortgage is in my name only but as we both paid towards the deposit and general living over the last 6 years i said i would i have been told by everyone i know not to give him anything as its his childrens home but i feel this is the final old he has and i want to feel 100%free. We paid 100000for the house and its now worth 135000. I have just txted to say i have had the mortgage accepted so will have 15k and hes gone mental down the phone apparently I'm ripping him off and he'll kill me if i try to rip him off AIBU TO THINK ITS FAIR.. he hasnt contributed towards the mortgage or the DS's since he left back on may?? So i dont imagine he will in future either

OP posts:

Tyersal · 14/11/2019 06:58

@titchy they both paid 5k deposit and took out 90k mortgage and paid 100k for the house which has since gone up in value by 35k. That's how I read it anyway.

It all depends whose names are on the deeds and if you own it as joint equal tenants or with %ages. The abuse is shit but legally I'm not sure it affects his claim on the house

FabbyChix · 14/11/2019 07:21

@tyersal he was never on the deeds

Tyersal · 14/11/2019 08:50

@fabbychick in that case forget everything I said

mummmy2017 · 14/11/2019 08:59

He invested 5k.
What bills did he leave you with Utilities ect.
Because I'd be offering less to include them.

Babysharkisanearworm · 14/11/2019 09:16

So he wants his 5k plus half of the equity because you both paid in? Work out how much child maintenance he owes from May based on his earnings. Also check the original mortgage arrangement. Ours insisted on a note being prepared that my (then) OH had no claim over the property mortgaged in my name. You could prepare an offer that said £20k minus 6 months CM = £X. CM over next five years is estimated at £X then offer to not claim CM
For a fixed period in exchange for a reduced payment now. Either that or take the very generous offer of £15k now and we will go through CMS for the CM which will be backdated to cover missed payments from May to settlement date. And report the threats.

KylieKoKo · 14/11/2019 10:14

OP please get legal advice. Where you stand morally is irrelevant, as is his past behaviour. You need to ensure that you don't leave yourself vulnerable to him claiming more money from you in the future.

MeTheCoolOne · 14/11/2019 13:01

DCOakford
The names on the deeds must, in law precisely match those on the mortgage

There is the very grey area of beneficial ownership, but legally, the house belongs to OP alone.

I'm no expert at all but are you actually sure of this? I thought with tenants in common you could., but I really don't know and am very happy to be corrected. 😊

DCOkeford · 14/11/2019 15:07

Yes, I'm absolutely sure - it's definitely correct.

If you are on the deeds of a property, then any lender will insist you are also on any mortgage they offer.

Have a think about it - let's say OP defaulted on the mortgage and the lender wished to repossess, if the Exp were named on the deeds (so a legal owner), he would be able to block the repossession.

No lender would allow that possibility.

I can see your logic re the Tenants in Common point - you can will your share to whomever you please after your death, but you can't have separate mortgages on your different shares.

The lender can't repossess a % share of a property.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/11/2019 15:12

He should get his original deposit back plus a proportionate % of the equity you have built up. How much mortgage is remaining? If you have paid off a % between you he should get half of that and also half of whatever the value has increased by. That might be more than £15k.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 14/11/2019 15:14

Of course it's fair, but please please PLEASE do it via a solicitor

DCOkeford · 14/11/2019 15:17

HE DOESN'T OWN THE PROPERTY!!!

WestSideSnorey · 14/11/2019 15:21

OP, obviously seek legal advice but try to keep his threats and previous abuse out of what is fair and reasonable and I'm sure it will do wonders if the case ever comes to court.

He contributed 5% of the house value and honestly, I feel like he is entitled to 5% of it's value back now. Anything he's paid towards the mortgage was to home him so you don't owe any of that back.

5% of £135k is £6,750. That would be my one and only offer to him but as you've already offered £10k I would be tempted to say look, it's £10k today or it's an offer of £6,750 that you can take to court.

Separate to this I'd report the death threats to the Police, I'd start a case for child maintenance and possibly seek an order that forbids him from contacting you.

Good luck with this and don't let him intimidate you.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 14/11/2019 15:21

This isn't right... The OP needs to get 3 valuations done, take the average of the 3, and then take out what's owing on the mortgage, whatever is left is split 50/50, if she wants to remain in the house with the mortgage in her name, she gives him 50% of the equity

CodenameVillanelle · 14/11/2019 17:27

OOPS he doesn't own the property so he gets his original investment plus interest if you're feeling generous but I wouldn't offer more than 5%

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