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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to give my ex partner 15k

64 replies

Sima1415 · 13/11/2019 18:29

Please help up until recently i was in a domestic abusive relationship for 13 years we have now split 6 months ago and i have said in the family home with our two DS's who are aged 5 and 4. Today i have secured a new mortgage to pay him out The mortgage is in my name only but as we both paid towards the deposit and general living over the last 6 years i said i would i have been told by everyone i know not to give him anything as its his childrens home but i feel this is the final old he has and i want to feel 100%free. We paid 100000for the house and its now worth 135000. I have just txted to say i have had the mortgage accepted so will have 15k and hes gone mental down the phone apparently I'm ripping him off and he'll kill me if i try to rip him off AIBU TO THINK ITS FAIR.. he hasnt contributed towards the mortgage or the DS's since he left back on may?? So i dont imagine he will in future either

OP posts:
Original poster
Sima1415 · 13/11/2019 19:37

@greatone wow this sounds the exactly like my life. Well done to you getting out finally aswell I feel like a whole different person since he's left and this is the final part. It's so much happier and peaceful on the other side but yes i won't be making any rush decisions

OP posts:
Tyersal · 13/11/2019 19:57

So you owe him his 5k plus half of 35k = 22.5k

Techway · 13/11/2019 20:02

Tyersal, there will be "selling" costs to apply so these shouldn't be taken off.

How is the house owned? Joint tenants? If so then he is able to claim more but might be advised not to bother.

What is the equity?

katielilly · 13/11/2019 20:06

@Tyersal
I don't think it's treat straightforward, there's a full 6 years of mortgage payments to take into account too. Did the DP pay half of those? Some of the original£90k mortgage may have been paid off. Also, the DP hasn't paid anything for the last 6 months, so he owes back child maintenance presumably.
I think get legal advice from a starting offer of £5k but I don't have high hopes of him financially supporting his DC going forward. Good luck.

Darkstar4855 · 13/11/2019 20:07

If he was a good person and the split was amicable I’d give him 50% of the equity minus what he hasn’t contributed since May.

In view of the DV I’d seek legal advice and not give him a penny unless I had to.

katielilly · 13/11/2019 20:07

@Techway sorry not @Tyersal 🤦‍♀️
*that not treat
Oops 🙊

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 20:12

He didn't own the house so isn't entitled to any of the increase in value, despite the fact that he contributed towards your mortgage.

A tenant in a rented house usually pays all of the mortgage, but is in no way entitled to any increase in the value of the property, are they?

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 20:13

I don't think it's treat straightforward, there's a full 6 years of mortgage payments to take into account too

No, the mortgage payments don't matter at all in law.

Winterwinds24 · 13/11/2019 20:15

If you're dealing with hundreds of thousands of pounds the first thing you should have done is have a solicitor?

billy1966 · 13/11/2019 20:16

Don't give him a penny. Think of your children. He hasn't supported them since he left. Keep the money for your children's security.

Contact the police about his threats.

MeTheCoolOne · 13/11/2019 20:18

The house is legally all yours

Just because the OP is the only one on the mortgage doesn't mean she is the only person who owns the house. OP, who is named as the owner of the house on the deeds?

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 20:19

the first thing you should have done is have a solicitor?

There's no need for a solicitor - they weren't married and the property belongs to OP alone.

If you were feeling generous OP, you could give him back his half of the deposit, but unless it was specifically ring fenced in writing by a solicitor, there is no obligation to do so.

The person who should have taken legal advice was the ExP at the point of purchase of the property.

Stick to your guns Op and don't give the abusive fucker a penny - revenge is a dish best served cold, no?

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 20:20

Just because the OP is the only one on the mortgage doesn't mean she is the only person who owns the house. OP, who is named as the owner of the house on the deeds?

The names on the deeds must, in law precisely match those on the mortgage.

There is the very grey area of beneficial ownership, but legally, the house belongs to OP alone.

Lifeisabeach09 · 13/11/2019 20:21

I'd report his threat to the police also.

titchy · 13/11/2019 20:28

So you owe him his 5k plus half of 35k = 22.5k

How do you figure that out? The £35 equity includes the deposit they both paid equally.

Best case scenario for him is he get half the £35 equity, which is made up of his £5k deposit and half the increase in value, LESS capital repayments OP has paid herself since the split, LESS outstanding child support.

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 20:44

Best case scenario for him is he get half the £35 equity, which is made up of his £5k deposit and half the increase in value, LESS capital repayments OP has paid herself since the split, LESS outstanding child support.

Would you really just give that to someone who was violent towards you, when you have no legal obligation at all to do so?

Had he been a decent sort, it might have been a nice gesture, but you reap what you sow IMO.

cstaff · 13/11/2019 20:51

Bloody hell OP. You were being over generous and that still wasn't enough for him. See what your solicitor has to say. He will live to regret this move. Report him and I hope you have a restraining order against the bastards.

MissConductUS · 13/11/2019 20:57

He's probably deluded himself to think that he's entitled to some of the increase in value in the house. Not.

As I'm sure the solicitor will advise you, him getting any money has to be contingent on him relinquishing any claim to the property.

MrFartPants · 13/11/2019 21:05

Same old, same old. Switch the genders and you'd get completely different answers.

Surely if you've both paid 50/50 on the deposit and both paid towards the mortgage and living costs then he's entitled to 50% of the house?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/11/2019 21:07

My friend left her abusive husband. He stayed in the family home for about 4 years. Not paying a penny and basically thrashing the place. He eventually "gave her" the house when he realised it was going to be repossessed. She took over all repayments. Got his name off it, but she did have to pay him off with a sum.

Her solicitor advised her very well. She gave him less than he would have gotten if he paid for his own legal advice. But he got "enough" to keep him in drink and drugs for another few months.

This man doesn't and never has paid a penny maintenance towards his children. And she still had to pay him. But at least it got rid of him.

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 21:10

Same old, same old. Switch the genders and you'd get completely different answers

Did you miss the bit about domestic violence and death threats?

Sex is irrelevant.

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 21:12

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre

That is a completely different situation though, your friend was married, hence their separation and housing arrangemetns were governed by a completely different series of laws.

The two situations aren't comparable at all.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/11/2019 21:20

Sorry.. Missed the bit about them not being married. (yes, even though the thread title says "partner")

namechange4052 · 13/11/2019 21:25

Fuck him! Set it aside and let him take you to court for it. It's your house solely is it not?

Mummyshark2018 · 13/11/2019 21:27

15k sounds very fair but I'd be more worried about his threats. I'd get a solicitor to put your offer in writing and not engage with him about this offer.